Homesick

Abba, The promises you give to Abraham and to the Prophets in the Old Testament are glorious! But when the Israelites enter the promise land it doesn't seem to measure up - there's still oppression and sickness and pain and disease. They wait for Christ whom they thought would be a conquering King. He came and went. In many ways His coming far exceeded there greatest hopes and imaginations and yet here we are - we still wait.
When are you coming back? When are You making all things new? When will the groaning stop? You declared it finished at the cross but please tell me there's more to come. Don't leave us struggling in sin and sickness. You say you are with us always and I know You are with me and sustaining me but I live in a world that is not run as Your kingdom should be run. I live in a graveyard; a dump of our own making. We can't do anything about it - only You can. Only in Your strength. Only by Your grace. Go all out. Let Your mercies overflow. I don't just want a miracle. I don't just want an answered prayer. I want You in all Your love and glory. And because of Christ I won't be destroyed.
Would you light a revival in Manurewa to bring sinners into your fold. Work in the police department...Work powerfully on earth to save sinners by your blood so that You might come back and take us home to Yourself. I'm homesick Yahweh. I don't know what home is like. I don't know when You will come but I know my home is in You. I will be restless until I'm in Your house. While I'm on earth let my heart abide in You.

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, 

nor the heart of man imagined, 

what God has prepared for those who love him"-

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything even the depths of God. 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Blessings so Abundant!

I'm thankful for so many things. I love the relationships that fill my life. I love the fellowship I'm getting to partake of week to week through phone, email and face-to-face. I love the opportunities to grow in ministry and prayer. I love my schedule with park, pool and library with the kids. I love the things I'm learning through studies at Grace College and the people praying for me. I love God's Word, my journal, worship and times of prayer. I love that God's looking in on Andrew's and my prayer journal and answering them in the best way for us and Him. I love how God's crafting our family. I love watching Him do His work. Watching the kids temperaments and personalities unfold. Seeing Andrew rise to the occasion and grow in the manhood God's called him to. I love walking into the footsteps God's placed before me and seeing where they lead. There are many dismal days, patience often flees the scene when Zeke and Tazara make mountains out of mole hills...but God still sits enthroned and He welcomes me to join Him in His glory. Thank you Abba!

Zeke's Baby Book Update

 Each day so many cute moments go by without me recording them. Zeke is so talkative these days...giving a running commentary on all the happenings. Tazara is following close behind and will soon have a vocabulary all her own. Here are a few of Zeke's rantings that I want to remember when he's grown and left baby talk behind.

When home with Maryland family last year I heard Kendra speak of grace to Randy so I decided to introduce the concept to Zeke. Now he readily pleas for "grace!" every time he gets close to the edge of being in trouble. Tazara is crying and I come to see what has happened. Zeke looks up with earnest eyes "Give me grace Mama. Give me grace! God gives grace to you, you give grace to me and I give grace to Tazara!" How can I resist?! "Okay Zeke I'll give you grace." I don't think he's quite got his head around how to dish it out himself but he's getting there.

Some months ago I pulled Zeke out of his crib, he was excited about his new discovery after some weeks of absence:  "Mama I found my belly button. It was hiding under my pants."

On a rainy day walking home from church the rain was bombarding us. From Zeke's mouth:  "I get my gun and shoot the rain."

Was telling Andrew about the bully at the play ground who pulled his hair and hurt Tazara. Waving an authoritative finger Zeke chimes in "I tell him 'No! Don't hurt my sister!”

We all got blood tested for celiac disease a while ago. Zeke was very upset about them putting a "hole in my arm."  The "hole" in his arm troubled him far more than the pain. Tears would come to his eyes as he explained the horror for days after of someone making a hole in his precious arm. When the plaster came off and he found that God had healed his arm there was much relief and jubilation for the little fellow.

I can see some positives for our kids growing up with two parents interested in and practicing counseling. I hear Andrew explain conflict and resolution to Zeke as the little guy sits there wide eyed and soaking it all in. I overhear Zeke talking to Tazara in her crib "Are you happy Zar?" Frequently Zeke tells me he's angry. I silently rejoice that he's learned to name and understand that emotion since its not one Andrew or I learnt to experience much. (I must admit I won't mind Zeke's angry episodes occurring a little less frequently.)
Zeke's recently made the switch from cot to bed. He was having a hard time with it. Andrew spent a long while talking it over with him, explaining the pains and necessity of change in our lives. When someone asked Zeke if he likes his new bed he thoughtfully replied "sometimes I do and sometimes I don't." Andrew and I rejoice at Zeke and Tazara's learning to express themselves and interact with their world. We seek to listen to them and validate their emotions and feelings even if it doesn't seem rational or in proportion to us. We try and help them to see their own hearts rather than blaming others and circumstances on their emotional responses and behavior. On the flip side, I often find it a real challenge to be consistent and not let their feelings and emotions hold too much sway over how the home is run. 

It's fun to see the differences between Zeke and Tazara. Tazara's become quite taken and opinionated about clothes. She brings me her favorites throughout the day and at times has refused to take off her favorite purple jacket even when it's hot outside. She tugs on the pink clothes from my closet and wants me to wear the colorful girly ones. She's started traipsing around in my shoes too. Hats hold an endless fascination for her. As a result of being Zeke's little sister she's been indoctrinated with many manly stories of guns and animals, tractors and trucks, but Tazara is still seeming to find her way as a little lady.

Mother's May Day

Don't panic. Not a real "May Day" call although Eden did squeal a couple times on her Mother's Day Magic Sleigh ride.

We popped down to my folk's farm an hour south of Auckland after lunch on Mother's Day. It was unplanned on our part but apparently well planned by another. On the walk home from church I was thinking about giving Mum a MD call when Zeke, who I was carrying, said "We are going to the farm today Baba!" Our towhead often mentions the farm and asks about when we might go next but he has never before stated that we ARE going like that. It seemed quite odd. What was not unusual was the Authoritarian in me immediately starting to counter him because I don't want a 2yr old dictating my life! Fortunately before opening my maw I reconsidered - hmm, it would be fun to both surprise Mum and get out of town because it's a stunner of a sunny day after all the recent rain. Also, Zeke has graduated from his cot to a real bed so we don't have a guest bed anymore. I could grab another bed from our container on the farm and bring it home on the car roof given the slim chance of rainfall. Eden was all for it so, after a quick bite, we were off...

An hour later we pulled into the farm homestead to see Mum on the phone "that'll be Helen (my 2nd sister) calling" I told Eden, which, we heard later, was indeed true. As our two amped up kids scooted to greet Dad, who was already outside by then, Mum appeared with a huge smile. "Oh this is lovely" she exclaimed, "on Friday I was thinking what would I like for Mother's Day and I thought "I'd really like Andrew & Eden to visit" so I prayed asking God for it - and here you all are!" Mum had left her desire in her Father's care. No contact with us to drop a hint, no manipulation of any kind required. The Holy Spirit moved a much loved little boy's heart to speak the Father's will into the day concerned. God is a good Father - even on Mother's Day - because He delights in them so much.

A great time enjoying each others company was had by all, the bed was strapped atop the car, and then I had an idea to make Eden's day more special. Long soft grass, our 4WD, a tow rope, an empty fertiliser bag, and viola!

We'll do it again sometime soon I hope. Only with a longer rope and much worse driving :)

P.S. Thanks to Jack for the camera work and to Dad for letting me trample all over your cows feed.

Sad News

I was feeling so much brighter since the last post I penned here but this morning I read an email that wasn't bright. My Aunt has found that her body is riddled with cancer. They don't know what kind yet. She has nine children, the youngest two still very dependent on her. God's the same loving and gracious and capable Father He was yesterday but we need Him more urgently today.

We're given a promise. Just a promise. He's kept every promise He's ever made so He'll keep this one too. In the meantime, death kills, pain hurts, sin steals, sorrow weeps...How long O Lord? It's a good promise. A promise of life. A promise of hope. Enough to keep us living and hoping a midst a dying and desperate world? Living in a war zone with the promise of peace. Come Prince of Peace. Come heal this land.

We get a taste of joy. We get a glimpse of peace. But then the tears wash away the smile and the rain closes up the flowers. We remember that we're living in a cursed world and we beg for Your finished work. Complete your redemption O God. Complete it in our hearts and lives and families and world. Don't be far off. Come close and near. Come our Healer and Saviour. Complete your perfect work. We need you.

Sunday Afternoon...Reflection time:

I think this is the most troubling time of year for me. Summers escaping but there's no Thanksgiving or Christmas within sight to get excited about. The days are short but the afternoons alone seem exceedingly long. My heart goes through a sort of jet lag each year as I try and make sense of the climate and month and country I'm living in.

Andrew and Tazara came down with colds this weekend I think because of the rather drastic hot to cold the rain brought on. I took Tazara out yesterday for an hour bike ride just before tea/dinner. It was delightful. I love singing and praying and fellowshipping with the King in the open air. There's so much to pray about. So much to learn about how to parent and be married and live life and glorify our creator. It's both exciting and daunting. Study and parenting and life can very quickly get me overwhelmed...when I'm talking to God about it I'm overcome by a peaceful and delightful feeling of His favor and nearness. I love it!

This week I got to see a beautiful full rainbow! It stretched brightly over our house, the college, the church and Andrew's office. I had to stay out in the rain just to enjoy it and glory in the wonder of God's promises to us. I happened to be studying Noah this week and both the judgement and grace of God shown through this magnificent story. This morning at Church preaching in Samuel 5 Peter said "When God raises his sword it is both for judgement and salvation!" He then showed how this is ultimately seen in the cross.

Here's a Psalm I've been feeding off lately:

PSALM 84
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
O Lord of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob!
Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favour and honour.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trust in you!