Let it be!

After this I looked and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, "Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!" And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying "Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

Then one of the elders addressed me saying, "Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from were have they come?" I said to him, "Sir, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 

Therefore they are before the throne of 

God, 

and serve him day and night in his 

temple;

and he who sits on the throne will 

shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst

anymore;

the sun shall not strike them,

nor the scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne 

will be their shepherd,

and he will guide them to springs of 

living water,

and God will wipe away every tear from 

their eyes."

Sunday Afternoon...Reflection time:

I think this is the most troubling time of year for me. Summers escaping but there's no Thanksgiving or Christmas within sight to get excited about. The days are short but the afternoons alone seem exceedingly long. My heart goes through a sort of jet lag each year as I try and make sense of the climate and month and country I'm living in.

Andrew and Tazara came down with colds this weekend I think because of the rather drastic hot to cold the rain brought on. I took Tazara out yesterday for an hour bike ride just before tea/dinner. It was delightful. I love singing and praying and fellowshipping with the King in the open air. There's so much to pray about. So much to learn about how to parent and be married and live life and glorify our creator. It's both exciting and daunting. Study and parenting and life can very quickly get me overwhelmed...when I'm talking to God about it I'm overcome by a peaceful and delightful feeling of His favor and nearness. I love it!

This week I got to see a beautiful full rainbow! It stretched brightly over our house, the college, the church and Andrew's office. I had to stay out in the rain just to enjoy it and glory in the wonder of God's promises to us. I happened to be studying Noah this week and both the judgement and grace of God shown through this magnificent story. This morning at Church preaching in Samuel 5 Peter said "When God raises his sword it is both for judgement and salvation!" He then showed how this is ultimately seen in the cross.

Here's a Psalm I've been feeding off lately:

PSALM 84
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
O Lord of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob!
Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favour and honour.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trust in you!

Eden as Judge, Jury and Executioner

"Judge not that ye be not judged. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Matt7:1-2

This verse serves as a sobering warning. I have often evaluated myself, others, and especially Andrew, in the following way. I look at them or something they're doing/have done and I think "Is this good or is this bad?" And then my thoughts either praise or condemn them accordingly. Recently my thinking pattern has changed to "This person is a sinner. This person is God's son/daughter. Is there grace enough to cover this sin/annoyance/offense?" Usually I laugh to myself as I say yes because the matter is so small and insignificant. Other times the answer is no in which case I need to ask God for the grace and probably talk to the person.

This might seem like a minor change in thought process but it's deeply rooted and has/is making a big difference for me. I feel a lot more free with greater peace and contentment. I'm less affected by the good and bad of those around me. I am more focused on the Cross and how myself and others are covered in the blood of the Lamb.

I find quite a lot of my thought patterns, feelings, and reactions, become diseased without me being aware of how off base they are. Once I see it I can repent and ask God to train me in the right way to respond, think, feel. Studying God's Word at Grace Theological College has been really good for helping me see how my own sin is contributing to the pains and hurts I struggle with.

I Corinthians 10:13 is so encouraging: "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide a way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it (some translations say 'so that you will be trained by it'."

For me this battle with being judgmental has been slow going and frustrating but I'm so excited that God is faithful to point out my pride and show me the way of humility. This sin doesn't have a hold on me like it used to!

Thank you God for healing and making new and allowing us to change by your power and goodness! Help us to love you with our thoughts, words and actions.

Another thing about people with judgmental tendencies - we often set a high standard for ourself and are either self-righteously happy/proud because we (think we) live up to this standard or we are distraught that we've failed. Either way we're looking to our own effort and works to save us rather than Christ's righteousness which has covered both the good and the bad.

In Christ Alone.
Eden :)

Who Will Defend You?

The book of Job has perplexed me. God seems cruel to allow a man to suffer so much. When I was assigned 30 minutes of teaching this past term I took the opportunity to put some time into reflecting on and praying about this puzzling book. I'm so thankful for the truths and insights God reveals to us through these passages. I am more in love with Christ our Advocate as a result. I've compiled my findings below.

Who Will Defend You? 

(pondering the book of Job)

When I was little, my sister Heidi and I did everything together. She wasn't much older than me but she was much more tough and brave. I had great confidence in her and held her in highest esteem. Places I would be terrified to go alone I'd feel safe with her. Walking down an alley once I questioned “what if someone came to kidnap us.” She stood tall and said “I'd just kick 'em with my shoe.” I resumed our peaceful stroll feeling perfectly safe and content. Heidi is a great communicator. When I'd been turned down over a request to watch a movie or get out of a household chore Heidi would appeal and, more often then not, she would have my parents convinced that her idea was brilliant. In the book of Job he is accused by Satan. All of his speeches about his righteousness fall to the wind. He needs an advocate and a defender. Human wisdom fails him. His own righteousness fails him? Before all is lost, God takes up his defense. God doesn't defend Job on the basis of Job's uprightness but on the solid ground of His own.

The book of Job opens describing the life of this righteous man. In those days righteousness was thought to be synonymous with obtaining blessing and prosperity. We're not sure the exact time Job lived or when the book was written, but it is predicted that Job lived around the time of Abraham. In the Canon the book of Job is placed after the Law and first among the books of wisdom and poetry.

In the Old Testament God lays out the laws to be obeyed and declares the blessing following and the curses that go along with disobedience. Common wisdom is understanding what is right and therefore brings blessing while foolishness leads to harm. The book of Proverbs spells out much of this cause and effect, paralleling the consequences of foolish living with the beauty and rest of wisdom. The book of Job however shows up the loop holes in this kind of wisdom in a fallen world. According to Proverbs Job's righteous living should secure him with a problem free life. As we read on we find Job's life soon becomes far from carefree.

After a short description of this righteous man “Job” we are hoisted up to peek in on the assembling of the sons of God in the heavenlies. Satan is also there to report. God is bragging on his servant Job and Satan starts accusing “Does Job fear God for no reason?” Thus God and Satan enter into a debate that acts out in the life of Job. God puts limits on Satan and allows him to do away with virtually all of Job's material and relational blessings.

The people of the day didn't get in on this exchange between God and Satan. They see a well renowned man of honor crumpling to the floor. In one day Job loses all of his 10 children, all his flocks and herds as well as most of his servants. His wealth and his family are whammered away in a moment. If this isn't awful enough, next his very body is covered in dreadful sores. Three of Job's friends come to grieve with him, but rather than comfort they bring him more sorrow and opposition.

Job's friends find him sitting in the dust with a potsherd to scrape the sores on his body. Job and his friends wrestle like many of us wrestle in the face of adversity. They seek to interpret and make sense of the story unfolding before them. We see Job and his friends grappling with questions like: Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? If Job is upright why did God allow this calamity? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Where is God in all of this?

We hate to be in a place where we don't know or understand what is going on. We often jump to conclusions and judgments to make sense of the misfortune of others. If we can explain it away we are less likely to run into it ourselves. We feel more comfortable with what we can understand and control. Job's friends arrived at the conclusion that surely Job must have sinned in some way to bring upon himself this awful calamity? Eliphaz spoke up declaring the verdict “You must be in the wrong because the innocent prosper.” Bildad chimes in “Repent and God will bless you for God punishes the wicked.” Zophar spoke up like a good Calvinist “You deserve worse than what you're getting.” Job's friends were emptyhanded. Their wisdom didn't have room for a good man suffering. They only had more condemnation. To settle their own hearts they condemned Job.

In Chapter 32, a young man Elihu shows himself. He's been listening and keeping quiet to hear the wisdom of the old guys but after hearing them go on and on with empty words he feels compelled to speak. He rebukes Job for defending himself on the grounds of his own merit. Elihu declares that a mediator is needed, a ransom is needed to plead before God. The Mediator is needed in order that God might accept us and be merciful to deliver. Lets read a portion of Elihu's words from Chapter 33:23-33.

“If there is a messenger for him. A mediator, one among a thousand, to show man [God's] uprightness, then God is gracious to him and says 'Deliver him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom....(v26b) For He restores to man [God's] righteousness...(v29) Behold, God works all these things , twice in fact, three times with a man. To bring back his soul from the Pit, that he may be enlightened with the light of life.”

I believe this is a beautiful and outstanding passage in the book of Job. Elihu's ear is inclined towards wisdom. He knows that a Savior is needed for Job. He recognizes that he himself is made of clay (33v6).

It is at this point that God enters the conversation. Like a symphony rising with tension, Elihu sets the stage for God declaring His glory and God takes it up from there. God's majesty silences. It seems ironic how little man knows, understands, or controls and yet we make great claims of wisdom, understanding, and judgment. God's anger is aroused. Starting with the foundations of the earth and various creatures God questions Job on his knowledge, wisdom and power compared to the Almighty One. At last He paints a picture of the most powerful of creatures; Leviathan. Some think that Leviathan is a crocodile or a dragon of the sea. According to eastern tradition Leviathan is an enemy of the light. This word is also used figuratively for a cruel enemy. There are a lot of parallels in the description of Leviathan and descriptions of God's chief opponent Satan. Here in Job it is said of Leviathan that there is nothing like him on earth made without fear (41v33). In the garden of Eden, Satan is described as the most cunning of all the creatures God had made. Leviathan is described as King over all the sons of pride (41v34). In the leading verses of Job 41 God asks of Job “Will Leviathan make a covenant with you?.. Can you defeat him?” It's as if God is saying to Job: "Satan is your enemy. Choose whose side you want to be on. You cannot stand up to him. You can't appease or make it right." "Any hope of overcoming him is false." (41v9)

Like the Jews in the day of King Ahasuerus who were powerless to undo his verdict, they needed an advocate and God raised up Esther. Similarly, at Sinai the Israelites stood terrified at the foot of the mountain - afraid to approach the King of Kings but God had raised up Moses to speak to Him on their behalf. In the face of Goliath's threats, the Israelites were shaking in their boots until God brought in David to fight on their behalf. In the face of Job's adversity he needs an advocate. Job needs someone to fight his adversary and he needs someone to defend him before God.

Finally Job gives up defending his name, humbles himself, and casts himself on the mercy of God. Job has found that his own righteousness and strength is insufficient to defeat the enemy of his soul. All the good works in the world are not good enough to safe his soul from the accusations of this relentless adversary. On his own he couldn't stand. Job renounces his accusations against God's injustice and throws himself upon God's mercy. Those who oppose God fail but those who humble themselves and join God's side will stand. Leviathan is spoken of a handful of times elsewhere in the bible. I'd like to look at Isaiah 27v1: "In that day the Lord with His severe sword, great and strong, will punish Leviathan that twisted serpent; and He will slay the reptile that is in the sea." Only Christ can stand up to the opponent Satan. Another passage that speaks of this battle and the glorious victory of our Savior is Rev 12v7-12a: 
"And war broke out in the heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon and his angels fought, but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in heaven any longer. So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, "Now salvation and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of the brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them!"

God silences the enemy and blesses Job - not because of Job's wisdom or righteousness but because of God's own. Job isn't vindicated. God is! Because of God's righteousness and mercy and strength Job is saved!

God rebukes Job's three friends (excluding Elihu) for not speaking right of God as his servant Job has.” Often when I read the words of Job's friends I think “where did they go wrong? Job's friends quote large doses of scripture and yet they arouse God's anger. They knew the scriptures but they missed the Redeemer. They missed the one the scriptures pointed to. They were too much like the Pharisees of whom Christ spoke in John 5:39-40: "You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to me that you may have life."

Can you can identify with Job's friends? Do you have people in your life that are struggling? Like me, do you try and figure out where they've gone wrong and recite verses so they can get it back together? Do you bless them with your magnificent words of wisdom, advice and insight? When you have a friend in trouble do you use scripture to lecture and condemn them? How about when you are downcast or in trouble? Do you lecture and condemn yourself? Or, do you give yourself/your friend Christ? Do you comfort yourself and others with His righteousness and faithfulness and nearness? In the face of trials and suffering (whether your own or someone else's) Christ is our only hope...He's the only one who can bring healing and restoration and save us from this world of sin and despair. He's the only one that can face up to our adversary and defend us before our holy perfect Lord.

Job's friends spoke “wisdom.” Their speeches sound good and right. They spoke of the general cause and effect of human behavior, they even lifted up God's greatness, but it was devoid of relationship with God. It was truth without love and so the truth was foolishness. Jesus is wisdom, truth, all-knowing. We don't have wisdom if we don't have Christ. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Without Christ, wisdom falls short. (Job 28:20-23,28) Job's friends joined Satan in pouring accusations and condemnation on Job. Job couldn't stand up to the accusations and eventually tried to plead his own righteousness. Job knew he needed someone to plead his cause. Three times he cries out for an advocate. (Job 9v14-20, 16v21, 19v25-27) The most glorious of these is in Job 19v25-27: “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God...”

He knew God's holiness and God's mercy well enough to know that he needed a ransom to be paid for his deliverance. In the face of His calamities he clung to the hope of His Redeemer.

Job saw God dimly as if behind a veil. Now the curtain has been torn in two. We have the whole Bible. We know that the Advocate and Redeemer that Job cries out for lives. Not only does He live but He came in the flesh and died that we might live with Him. Job is said to be a righteous man. Jesus however is the only One truly righteous. Jesus is the one who bore unjust torment. Jesus is the one whose family and name and body was torn away from Him and broken. Jesus is the only One who could stand before Satan's accusations and yet He took on the curse for us that we might live in His place!

The book of Job could be said in fewer words. The poetry however allows us to enter into the story. We hear Job's angst and we identify with his sorrow and despair. We can see their trains of thoughts as Job's friends grapple with bits of truth trying to make sense of what's going on. Our heart is stirred as Job gives voice to the anguish of his heart and body. An emotion-packed book. Not only do Job and his friends get into a heated argument but God Himself enters the discussion. When God speaks He uses the same passionate tones. He engages with them in their emotional state. God is an emotional God, just as we are emotional beings. We are molded in His image.

In the midst of our struggles and concerns and questions of living in a fallen world we grapple. We don't get all the answers. We don't see all that is going on in the heavenlies. We do however have an Advocate there, someone to plead our cause before the Father. In the midst of our suffering we know that Jesus Christ has given His life for us, He is with us in our struggle and He will take us to Himself. Because He's alive. Because He's not silent on our behalf. We can trust and rest and even rejoice amidst our struggles. God didn't assure Job “Yes, you are good. It wasn't your fault all this bad came upon you." Instead he showed Job Himself and He fought the battle for Job. This is how we receive comfort in our trials. We see Christ and we see that He has already fought the battle for us. Satan's accusations are dead and buried with Christ. We are justified before God. We stand pure and holy before God. We have a new identity. We are known and loved. In the face of trials and temptations and hardships and difficulties we wait on God to restore all things, to make all things new. Job didn't know all would be restored to him. We however know the end of the story. No matter what the sores and ashes we sit in today we know all will be restored. Christ will make all things new.

Like me have you been placing your trust in a false form of safety/security? I naively placed my trust in the strength and bravery of my big sister. My world crashed when I found she was as weak and frail as I am. What do you place your hope in? Is it the faith of your parents? Is it all the good things you've done? Or the evil you haven't done? Is it all the committees you've been on? All the people you've helped?

Sometimes it's the most pure and upright of us that fail to see our need for an advocate. If we don't see our shortcomings and failings, why would we cling to God's mercy? Considering ourselves more holy than the people around us we don't see our need for a Savior. We watch others get burned and we think to ourselves “I'm beyond that.” “Why would I be condemned, I'm rather good compared to _______.”
Do you see your need for an advocate? When Satan's accusations come, how will you defend yourself? (Romans 8v18-27) Is Christ standing before the Father pleading for you with groans that cannot be uttered or are you fighting a losing battle. When I stand before God my sister's good communication or boldness will not keep me standing. My right theology or good parenting will not keep me alive. Only in Christ do we stand secure.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I'm thankful for each of the tender and precious moments hidden within each day.

I'm thankful God's provided an advocate to plead my defense before my King. 

I would have lost heart, 

unless I had believed

that I would see 

the goodness of the Lord 

in the land of the living! 

(Ps 27v13)

I'm thankful for a man that loves and fears the Lord and waits on Him.

I'm thankful for the two precious little people God's entrusted to me. 

Your goodness goes beyond my understanding!!!

Thank you God for Kirstie. For a rekindled friendship with my sister after years apart. Thank you for arranging and working out for her to come here to New Zealand! In the last couple weeks of her being here I've had so many sentimental moments. Not because I don't want to be here or because there's anything sad about Kirstie being here but...When we get each other laughing... joke, sing, tease and have all our crazy banters...I realize some of what I'm missing out on by living so very far away from my family.

Here on earth we get tastes of glory- our hearts are delighted with glimpses of heaven- but mixed in with the pleasure and joy and wonder is grief and pain and hardships of living in a fallen and cursed world. 

Thank you God for the glimpses of your glory! Thank you that one day you will restore all, make all things new. In you is perfect beauty and perfect delight. My soul finds perfect rest! 

I love you Abba! Thank you for loving me SOO SOO much!

My first sermon! :)

I haven't been blogging or cleaning or emailing sisters because my spare moments have been spent working on homework for my Hermeneutics for Preaching/Counseling and Biblical Interpretation course.

Don't worry; I'm not aspiring to be a preacher (neither would I). I would, however, like to teach a bible study at some point so I want to know how to rightly divide the word of God. The course has been absolutely excellent. I've been so inspired and motivated to get into the Bible more and really study the Word given to us by God so that we might know Him!

We just have a couple weeks left before the first term is over and I head off to the States for a wonderful reuniting with the my family!!!

This week I did my first teaching in front of the class. I was doing jumping jacks all day around the house to let off nervous energy. Studying and praying over Jacob's life has been so deeply rich and meaningful for me. I was discouraged before the presentation because I felt I couldn't do GOD'S GREATNESS justice. Looking over my notes I knew there were some really powerful truths but to speak about them in my unpersuasive, boring voice wouldn't be enough. God came through for me and their were a few wet eyes in the room after I finished (including my own). I actually enjoyed teaching on what I love! I didn't even get slaughtered when it came time for the class of six to critique the content of my presentation. Other than a few heretical errors (joking) it was encouraging.

I'm sharing the teaching here hoping you too might be encouraged.
 

Who are you?

I'm entitling my teaching “Who are you?” Think for just a moment about who you are. What defines you? How do people know you? What would your family tell me about you? We live in a culture searching for meaning and significance. People seeking to find out and express who they are. Sometimes we ponder and ask ourselves who am I really? God asked Jacob a question like this one. God changed Jacob's identity from that of a deceiver to the child of the Living God.

Lets start by reading a significant encounter in Jacob's life: Genesis 32:22-30

I've been looking in the second half of Genesis (Ch25-50) at who Jacob was and who God made him to be. Jacob's name means deceiver or heel grasper. He's known by his family as a deceiver. He wriggled his way into getting his brothers birthright over a bowl of soup (Ch25v29-34). He deceives his father Isaac in order to get the blessing (Ch27). To escape his brother, he runs off to his Uncle Laban(Ch28). Laban's son's don't trust him with their father's livestock (Ch31v1). Laban doubts and questions Jacob's dealings (Ch31v2). Jacob gets what he wants through whatever means he can. He looks after himself. Jacob even tries cutting deals with God. God promises blessing for Jacob before he's even born but Jacob goes after it by his own means. Jacob trusts no one. In Bethel, (when Jacob is running from his brother) God speaks to Jacob in a dream and gives him a beautiful and outstanding promise. Essentially Jacob answers back “If you will do this this and this for me then you can be my God and I'll give you some of my stuff and build a house for you. Jacob is bargaining with God. Jacob's name describes him well, he grasps for what he wants and gets it through whatever means. This method seems to be working out alright for him. He's got the blessing. He's accumulated lots of animals and a family.

However, on his return to his home country Jacob is met with a crisis. Esau is coming after him with four hundred men! Jacob is in the middle of a desert with all that he owns. His wives and children are there with him and they're about to be attacked in the wilderness. Jacob divides his family into two camps in a desperate hope that some might escape and live. He sends ahead gifts hoping to calm the wrath of his brother. He's in trouble and he's outnumbered. Jacob's afraid (Ch32v7). What is he to do?? Where can he turn?? He's burnt all his bridges. He's alone and he's vulnerable. Jacob's run out of idea's and he's out of resources. He's terrified. So he cries out to God. (Ch32v9-12).

In the middle of a sleepless night Jacob gets up and sends his family and all his possessions on ahead of him. He helps them cross the stream. Then all alone in the dark he meets with God. Yes God is there. He always has been but Jacob isn't used to receiving anything without a struggle so he spends much of the night wrestling with God. Jacob's spent his life stealing, bargaining, striving and working for what he has. To give up grasping is to go against who he is. If he's not Jacob the deceiver who is he? As the first gleams of daylight appear Jacob is still going strong but God seeks to end the fight. Jacob pleads “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” God asks him: “What is your name?”(Ch32v27) “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.” And God blesses him there (Ch32v28). In Jacob's last fight he looses his identity and is blessed. Jacob wins because he's finally lost himself. God is calling Jacob his own. He's claiming him. Jacob is no longer identified by his sin, he's no longer son of Satan, the father of lies. (John 8:44) He's now Israel “My first born.” (Ex3v18,4v21ff)

This story is shocking to me?!! Can you believe The God of the Universe is identifying Himself with this scumbag Jacob?!!

Let's take a glance at God's hand in history up to this point. We see clearly that God hates wickedness and loves righteousness. Sin is punished while righteousness is rewarded. It's pretty black and white. When Adam and Eve sin they are punished (Gen3). Cain is cursed for murder (Gen4v11). Noah was 'righteous' and 'blameless' and found favor with God (Gen6v9). God preserves him and his family while punishing wickedness with a flood (Gen6v5-8). Abraham is righteous and blessed. God makes a covenant with him. Isaac is the son of promise and walks in God's ways.

Then you come to Jacob. He's not righteous. He's not even the first born. He's defined by deception. And yet God insists on pursuing and blessing him. This is different. It doesn't seem right. God seems to be confusing things. Shouldn't He have blotted out Jacob and forfeited the blessing the minute he lied to his father? Instead, God goes out of His way to save and bless this guy who continually screws up.

After encountering God Jacob declares “I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” (Gen32v30)

Why was Jacob's life preserved? Why wasn't Jacob the deceiver punished and cursed for his sin? Because Jesus, God's firstborn paid, wrestled, struggled, died and was cursed. Jacob couldn't receive the blessing under his own name but under Israel (Prince of God, God's son) he received the firstborn blessing in Christ's place! God was willing to come down as man, wrestle and be defeated/die in order that Jacob might live.

This concept was not foreign to Jacob. Earlier in his life, Jacob was blessed by Isaac in the guise of Esau the firstborn. His father poured the whole blessing on Jacob while he wore the clothes of Esau.

Now, God pours the full blessing upon Jacob - knowing full well who he is but choosing to be blind to his sin and instead see Jacob clothed in the righteousness of His first born, Jesus Christ.

Jacob's older brother Esau is out to kill him because he's stolen the blessing. Jesus, on the other hand, willingly took the Father's curse in order that the one deserving the curse might be blessed (Col1v15,2Cor5v21,Rom8v29).

There's a lot to be said about Jacob's name change and his blessing from God but in the story Jacob is still in the desert with an angry older brother and his army after him. The suns now risen, the wrestling match is over. Jacob looks up and sees Esau and his 400 men coming. Jacob's had no sleep and sports a dislocated hip but he's a new man. Jacob divides his family and goes hobbling on ahead of them - bowing seven times to the ground. Esau runs to meet him with tears, hugs and all.

When Esau inquires about all the gifts of livestock Jacob has sent ahead and says he's got enough already. Listen to Jacob's response in verse 10-11 of Chapter 33:

And Jacob said, “No, please, if I have found favor in the sight of my lord, then receive my present from my hand, inasmuch as I have seen your face AS THOUGH I HAD SEEN THE FACE OF GOD AND YOU WERE PLEASED WITH ME. Please take my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough.” So he urged him and he took it.

At the onset of this journey Jacob was trying to earn favor and appease the older brother whereas now he knows he is accepted by the very brother he's stolen the blessing from and he is giving him a gift from the bountiful blessings of a gracious God. He doesn't need to give it, he already has favor but he wants to give from a heart that is overflowing with grace and gratitude.

Before leaving this story I just have one more question to ask of Jacob: Why does God name him Israel?

Israel is the nation God builds up for himself. Israel is 'His own special people'. The people of God. God calls Israel “My son, my firstborn.” Lets read from Deut7v6-8 and Ex2v22. God names a sinful people Israel and He gives them the title of firstborn. Firstborn doesn't have a whole lot of significance in our culture but in Jacob's culture firstborn was huge! It means you get your fathers title. It means a double portion. This is who Jacob becomes. He leaves behind a deceiving scoundrel and walks off in the glory of God. Jacob stands not on his own name but on the Father's name- his Father's title. His Father's words about him. Jacob had to give up trying to pay for, steal, earn, repay and wrestle for God's favor. He had to fall empty and broken on God's merciful grace. God didn't have to save Jacob. I believe God saved Jacob to show his people who He is and give them a foretaste of His glorious redemption.

Through the story of Jacob we see God's grace and mercy. We see what we (the people of Israel) are in Christ. Through Jacob its clear that it's not by our striving or our righteousness but God's own doing. Jacob couldn't even give up his striving without God touching him. Jacob won by losing. Jacob screwed up miserably but God meets him with blessing and favor, delight and grace.

What does this mean for us? I don't know about you but for me this is good news!! When I was growing up I did all I could to avoid my parents disapproval. I was good and sweet and therefore avoided punishment. I can't fake it with God. I try and try to be good and sweet but I come up empty. I find myself alone in the desert without resources. God goes after this hard-hearted deceitful man and pours his mercy and redemption and blessing upon him over and over and over. This is my story too! I screw it all up and God says “That one's mine.” “She's called by my name.”

He was not ashamed to identify with us. Who are you? What's your name? Are you known by your striving? Something you've done in the past? Are you defined by your success? Or by shame? Or.... are you known as the CHILD OF THE LIVING GOD. Is your identity found in Christ? Or is it in yourself? It's not until the self dies and we take on Christ's life that we truly live.

Light in the Morning

Sometimes I struggle with how much to prioritize time spent in the early morning with God. I know sleep is important for functioning and when tired with young children or waking through the night with a newborn it makes it harder to get up in time for those extra precious quiet moments in the Word before the day comes marching in. 

Whether it's in the early morning, during nap time, or in the evening those meeting times with God are a rich treat and as necessary for functioning as precious sleep. I'd like to share a couple recent insights I found from those precious encounters with God's word.

I love when I find pictures and pointers to Christ all throughout the Old Testament. (Something I starting seeing lots of at Insight) In the early days of October I was reading from the book of Numbers. Numbers 30 lays out the laws about woman making vows and how the husband and fathers can make void the vow while she is in his house. These words sort of chaff against some of my unconscious thoughts from our feminist culture. I think Abba gave these commands partly because in order to have peace and order someone needs to have the final say so if a wife or daughter makes a vow the husband or father is not happy about he can undo it. But maybe also this is a beautiful analogy of what God does as our Husband and Father. The passage talks about a woman making a binding oath to afflict herself. (vs.13) Each of us afflicts ourselves by sinning and thus are bound by law to death but Christ intervened and nullifies our word and our sin so that we don't need to suffer the affliction we've brought upon our own self. Verse 15: "But if he makes them null and void..then he shall bear her iniquity." Thank you Lord for speaking on my behalf, bearing my iniquity and rescuing me from the mess I've made for myself. These laws apply to the woman who is in her fathers house...if she is divorced or widowed her own words bind her. (vs.9) Thus, while I'm with Abba my Father his words protect me but if I leave the authority and protection of my Heavenly Father than my own words condemn me.

Another reflection: 
After a battle against Midian, Eleazar the priest tells the men God's law regarding purification. Numbers 31:23 "..everything that can stand the fire [gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin and lead] you shall pass through the fire, and it shall be clean. Nevertheless, it shall also be purified with the water for impurity. And whatever cannot stand the fire, you shall pass through the water." Abba, I want to be purified completely but I cannot withstand the fire of hell so you've washed me with the water of baptism. Christ alone is pure and perfect enough to withstand the flame and He did and yet still he was baptized to fulfill the whole law. You kept Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego from burning in the fiery furnace and you can preserve each of your own from burning in the flames. Thank you Abba! You are holy and good!

When I was little....

When I was little I thought I was the only one who felt inadequate, that I didn't have what it takes, that I wouldn't make it, that life is too hard for a person like me. I've come to realize that most of us feel this. If not frequently then perhaps in times of great struggle and need. I'm so thankful for these scary feelings of inadequacy because they drove me to God's arms again and again. He met me in my need and loved me. I felt treasured and valued and loved and known in a way that is healing.

Because of my neediness I get to see God come through. I share this because I don't want others to miss the opportunities in pain and suffering and alone-ness to experience and know the comfort of God's power and nearness. This evening I was thinking about the times God and I have had together and the things He has done for me. I'm awed and amazed by His great love. I so desire you to know the pleasure and joy of His presence. In the psalms God says 'Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.' If we want to drink deeply of our Father's love we have to open wide.

ps. I'm still little.

Happy in God.

SHOUT FOR JOY IN THE LORD,

O YOU RIGHTEOUS!

PRAISE BEFITS THE UPRIGHT.

(ps. 33:1)

God likes to see his righteous ones happy. It's fitting. It looks good on them. God is glorified by the praises of those whose lives reflect their love and devotion. Beauty of soul pours forth in song and life.

Reflections on a Name

In Africa a mother is known by the name of her first child. In Swahili I would be 'Mama Zeke' or 'Toto Zeke' in Karamojong. When I learned this during my time in Karamoja I thought on how the woman as an individual seems to get lost in her role as a mother. When she takes on a husband and bears children for him, she no longer has her own unique name but is known only as the mother of her children. She is defined and known by this role of being a mother.

As I was reading the opening chapters of Exodus a few days ago I was struck by the wonder of our great God! God is revealing His ways to His servant Moses. God tells Moses that He sees the affliction, hears their cry and knows the suffering of the Israelites. God, in His graciousness, has a plan to rescue and save them from their oppressors. Moses asks God to provide a defining name for Himself to give to the Israelites. God answers “Say to the people of Israel, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob has sent me to you.' This is My name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations..” The all-powerful Creator and Sustainer of the universe defines Himself by His relationship to His people. Time and time again God refers to Himself as the God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of David, God of Israel,...God of Eden. God chooses to identify with lowly man. He takes on the name of His people and shares His great name with us. Thank you Abba!

Musings for Father's Day

Today I caught Andrew gazing at Zeke's sweet sleeping form. I thought of how God miraculously delights to watch over us as the 'apple of His eye.' A son may try and do any number of things to make his papa proud just as we may try to perform for God's approval but even in the nothingness of sleeping we have God's perfect delight.

I love to see our Lord's fingerprints all over his creations and facets of his heart and character etched in each and every area of life. As I transitioned from singleness into knowing and eventually marrying Andrew- God took me on a very romantic and exciting journey into a deeper knowledge and experience of the mystery of 'Christ in you.' I found new joy in Christ's knowing and pursuing me as a groom and husband. God continues to deepen my walk with Him through marriage. My hope now with being a new mother is that God might open my eyes and heart again and again showing me more of Himself. Teaching me how we relate to Him as a Father and how He sees us as his children. I desire to be amazed and astounded afresh by verses like: 

"He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

"Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." 

Hebrews 12:6

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! " Matthew 7:12

Waking each night at Zeke's small cry teaches me of our utter dependence on God. All we can do is cry and trust he will hear and answer. I once thought my 'cries' were a nuisance to Abba but he tells us to cry out to Him and assures us that he will hear and answer. 

I'm a very sound sleeper. I've slept through many alarm clocks and once even fell off my top bunk bed without awaking. Yet even in the exhaustion following Zeke's birth my ears were tuned to his cry. I'd wake to the smallest squeal, grunt or cry. It makes me feel so very loved and cared for to think this is the same attention the King of Kings, Lord of all the earth gives to us his very own children.

And what a comfort and relief that God doesn't grow weary and overwhelmed as I so easily do in these early days of mothering. He doesn't worry and wonder if his babe's still breathing. He doesn't stand over the cradle with tears wondering how he's ever going to teach this child all that he'll need to know. 

God, 

You're the perfect father! 

You are Love.

You know all things! 

You are the teacher! 

You are the great physician! 

You are God and their is no other! 

In You we live and breathe and have our being! 

In You we rest! 

Watoto Ugandan Choir

On the evening of Zeke's 12th day he sat contentedly with Andrew and I listening to the joyous music coming from the 'Watoto'(children in Swahili). Last night the three of us ventured into Hamilton to hear Uganda's children's choir. The church building was packed and the African children sang and danced beautifully for their Maker! Each one robed in African attire with it's glorious colors. A few tears escaped my eyes as I looked down at a very loved and cared for little Zeke and then up to the eyes of a dozen orphaned children sharing their stories and celebrating the love and care of their heavenly Father.

I don't know what many of the words in the book of Revelation mean or how they will be revealed but I love the picture of hope and love painted in chapter 7 when the elders ask about the ones clothed in white robes and it is answered regarding them "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore

'they are before the throne of

God

and serve him day and

night in his temple;

he who sits on the

throne will spread his tent

over them.

Never again will they hunger;

never again will they thirst.

The sun will not beat upon

them,

nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb at the center of

the throne will be their

shepherd ;

he will lead them to springs

of living water.

And God will wipe away

every tear from their

eyes.' 

Rev. 7:14-17

This is what I see for the children left orphaned by aids and toiling under the African sun for food in dumpsters. I see God stretching his tent over them, quenching their thirst and wiping each tear.

God knows!

Psalm 127 

Unless the Lord builds the house

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches 

over the city,

the watchmen stand guard

in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat-

for he grants sleep to 

those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the 

Lord,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a 

warrior

are sons born in one's 

youth.

Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to 

shame

when they contend with 

their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 128

Blessed are all who fear the 

Lord,

Who walk in his ways.

You will eat the fruit of  your 

labor;

blessings and prosperity will

be yours.

Your wife will be like a fruitful

vine

within your house;

your sons will be like olive 

shoots

around your table.

Thus is the man blessed 

who fears the Lord.

May the Lord bless you from Zion

all the days of your life;

may you see the prosperity 

of Jerusalem, 

and may you live to see 

your children's children.

Peace be upon Israel.

I'm blown away at God's goodness in creating a miracle inside my very womb. A child that God whispered to Andrew about years before he even knew of me. As I feel wiggles and kicks inside I wonder what day we'll meet and I remind myself that God has every day of this baby marked out already. God is the great revealer of secrets!

God has made Psalm 127 and 128 special to Andrew and I through the finding out about this baby. Pastor Michael Willemse visit yesterday prompted me to recall his last visit. Shortly after our return from the States last year Michael came for a chat over an afternoon cup of tea. At the end of his visit he said he'd like to read a psalm and close in prayer. He read Ps. 127 & 128 and then apologized about it being all about children. Andrew and I exchanged a smile having just taken a positive pregnancy test only hours before. ;)

This past weekend I enjoyed a ladies night out at the beach with four of the women from our little Clandon community. On Friday afternoon Helen, Janine, Giselle, Hannah and I all drove out to Waihi  beach. It was drizzling litely most of the weekend so we got lots of time indoors to talk and watch movies and enjoy delightful platters of food. I was really blessed by one on one talks about marriage and worship as well as group sharing of testimonies.

It’s so neat to hear how God has worked and is working in the lives of these women. I love to see God’s hand holding and guiding each of us into His truth through all sorts of lessons in the midst of such diverse circumstances and stages of the journey. I didn't make it down to the ocean until Saturday morning while the house was still quiet. The crashing waves beneath rolling clouds was a loud reminder of our Lord’s great holiness and wonder.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise

his holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his

benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases

who redeems your life from 

the pit

and crowns you with love

and compassion

who satisfies you desires

with good things

so that your youth is 

renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord works 

righteousness

and justice for all the 

oppressed.

He made known his ways to 

Moses, 

his deeds to the people of 

Israel:

The Lord is compassionate

and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in 

love. 

He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger 

forever;

he does not treat us as our 

sins deserve

or repay us according to our 

iniquities.

For as high as the heavens 

are above the earth, 

so great is his love for those

 who fear him; 

as far as the east is from the 

west, 

so far has he removed are 

transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion

on his children,

so the Lord has compassion

on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are 

formed, 

he remembers that we are 

dust.

As for man, his days are like

grass,

he flourishes like a flower of 

the field;

the wind blows over it and it

is gone,

and its place remembers it

no more.

But from everlasting to 

everlasting

the Lord's love is with those 

who fear him, 

and his righteousness with 

their children's children-

with those who keep his 

covenant

and remember to obey

his precepts.

The Lord has established his 

throne in heaven,

and his kingdom rules over

all. 

Praise the Lord, you his

angels,

you mighty ones who do his 

bidding,

who obey his word. 

Praise the Lord, all his 

heavenly hosts,

you his servants who do his

will.

Praise the Lord, all his works

everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

Ps 103

Psalm 20

Psalm 20

May the Lord answer you

when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of

Jacob protect you.

May he send you help from 

the sanctuary 

and grant you support from 

Zion.

May he remember all your 

sacrifices and accept your burnt 

offerings.     Selah

May he give you the desire

of your heart 

and make all your plans 

succeed.

We will shout for joy when

you are victorious 

and we will lift up our banners 

in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your 

requests.

Now I know that the Lord

saves his anointed; 

he answers him from his 

holy heaven

with the saving power of his 

right hand.

Some trust in chariots and 

some in horses,

but we trust in the name of 

the Lord our God.

They are brought to their

knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm.

O Lord, save the king! 

Answer us when we call!  

My husband began praying this psalm over me the day I left Uganda and continues to do so. On my 20th birthday he told me of this prayer and committed to praying his own version of it over me every day for a year. At the time we were on a communication fast. With Andrew in Uganda, me heading off to school in America and no speaking or writing going between us, the possibility of seeing one another again looked bleak. However this was a year packed full with spiritual and emotional growth and God had it worked out that before the year was out Andrew and I would be betrothed to be married.