Light in the Morning

Sometimes I struggle with how much to prioritize time spent in the early morning with God. I know sleep is important for functioning and when tired with young children or waking through the night with a newborn it makes it harder to get up in time for those extra precious quiet moments in the Word before the day comes marching in. 

Whether it's in the early morning, during nap time, or in the evening those meeting times with God are a rich treat and as necessary for functioning as precious sleep. I'd like to share a couple recent insights I found from those precious encounters with God's word.

I love when I find pictures and pointers to Christ all throughout the Old Testament. (Something I starting seeing lots of at Insight) In the early days of October I was reading from the book of Numbers. Numbers 30 lays out the laws about woman making vows and how the husband and fathers can make void the vow while she is in his house. These words sort of chaff against some of my unconscious thoughts from our feminist culture. I think Abba gave these commands partly because in order to have peace and order someone needs to have the final say so if a wife or daughter makes a vow the husband or father is not happy about he can undo it. But maybe also this is a beautiful analogy of what God does as our Husband and Father. The passage talks about a woman making a binding oath to afflict herself. (vs.13) Each of us afflicts ourselves by sinning and thus are bound by law to death but Christ intervened and nullifies our word and our sin so that we don't need to suffer the affliction we've brought upon our own self. Verse 15: "But if he makes them null and void..then he shall bear her iniquity." Thank you Lord for speaking on my behalf, bearing my iniquity and rescuing me from the mess I've made for myself. These laws apply to the woman who is in her fathers house...if she is divorced or widowed her own words bind her. (vs.9) Thus, while I'm with Abba my Father his words protect me but if I leave the authority and protection of my Heavenly Father than my own words condemn me.

Another reflection: 
After a battle against Midian, Eleazar the priest tells the men God's law regarding purification. Numbers 31:23 "..everything that can stand the fire [gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin and lead] you shall pass through the fire, and it shall be clean. Nevertheless, it shall also be purified with the water for impurity. And whatever cannot stand the fire, you shall pass through the water." Abba, I want to be purified completely but I cannot withstand the fire of hell so you've washed me with the water of baptism. Christ alone is pure and perfect enough to withstand the flame and He did and yet still he was baptized to fulfill the whole law. You kept Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego from burning in the fiery furnace and you can preserve each of your own from burning in the flames. Thank you Abba! You are holy and good!

How can I stretch THANK YOU for a Super Man?

The kids are tantruming and I'm not sure what to do for Father's day tomorrow. All my idea's I've left for too late but my husband definitely deserves a badge or something! Last week I went ice-skating with the Reformed crowd while Andrew stayed home with the chillins. It was super fun but I fell once and hurt my arm. All week it's been in a half-caste and Andrew has done all nappy changing and lifting the kids in and out of cots, high chairs, car seats and stroller!

Being a Mum is hard...

Today Tazara got her heal pricked. They squeezed her little foot for about 15 minutes to get enough blood to fill a tube. I held her tight stroking her distressed little red cheek. I told her “you'll be alright baby. Mama's got you. It will be okay. It will be over soon love...”

Zeke scrapes his knee. I give it a kiss and tell him it will get all better. But will it? The falls are from higher heights and the scrapes are deeper.

I wish I could scoop my babies up and keep them from all harm. I wish I could tell them it will be alright. That they're safe and secure and I'll take care of them.

But will it? Will it be all better? Will all their pain go away? Will they be safe and secure and cared for? There's bullying and falling and crashing and anger and violence and sin and messiness... Try as I might to shield my children they will still get their fair share of hurt and heart ache.

Each time I'm upset with a pricked conscious or a scraped heart I run to Abba and find shelter and refuge and a hiding place under the shallow of His wings. He cuddles me and tells me it will be alright and that I'll be all better.... And the wonderful thing is it's actually true! The words I long to hear when my heart is breaking, the words I want to tell my children when their tears are streaming are true when spoken from the Lord Almighty. He will set all things right. He will wipe away every tear. It will be over soon. He will fight for and protect his babies! He will make all things new. He will restore what's broken. He will defeat sin and sickness forever.

I don't know about you but sometimes being a Mama in this crazy big bad scary world freaks me out. His words give hope! They give rest!

A First Sentence Story

This story has been in my drafts for a couple months. With Zeke turning two today I thought it's as good a day as any to post it. I feel so privileged and blessed to be a Mama to this little guy.

Zeke's first sentence "no nurse" deserves a story. I hesitate because a few might be shocked to find I still nurse Zeke at nearly two. It's a topic I've given a lot of thought to in the last couple years.

In New Zealand there's been a recent shift back to breastfeeding as more and more research is uncovering health-benefits for baby as well as Mum. These health benefits make sense to me but there is more to it. God seems to always have great purpose behind the things he does, some that we can see and some that we can't. It's meaningful and significant to me that an infant needs to be fed every 2-3hours, even through the night. This feeding is done by the mother, giving of herself, her time, her energy, her love. You can't be much closer than being held in the arms, embraced and fed both physically and emotionally. While holding and nursing your baby it's only natural to look into their eyes and speak words of adoration and love. Life is nurtured through love. If you don't mind following me on my train of thought....why is there so much brokenness? Many people seem unable to love nowadays - like they don't know how to let someone into their heart, be close to and give of themselves for another. Could it be that one of the reasons is they lacked this fundamental closeness and love as a baby? Learning what it feels like to be deeply loved and held and known. What a loving God to create such a nurturing and loving environment for a helpless baby to be born into. And what does this teach us about ourselves as God's little ones? God as our Father has stamped his image on both the male and the female so we can see both masculine and feminine attributes of his character embodied here on earth.

 And now for the story. When Tazara was born Zeke grew especially attached to the one on one time he gets with Mama through nursing before bed and when he wakes up. When Andrew or I greet him in the morning he stands up in his crib and with a serious expression says "nurse!" If you side track him with changing or other he gets increasingly more urgent sounding. He plays happily and entertains himself throughout the day but when he's especially tired or upset or just wants some attention he'll ask to nurse. I often have to tell him that it's not time to nurse but that I'll read him a book or do something else with him. In the last couple weeks, especially around the five o'clock hour, which can be particularly trying for all of us, he'll often find a book (after giving up on being held or played with), sit himself on his stool, and say to himself "no nurse." Every so often I hear him in the next room reinforcing to himself that it's not time to nurse. It's a little pathetic really and it makes me want to scoop him up in a hug but it's also just so precious and cute! Andrew says he'll have to capture it on video to flaunt at Zeke's 21st.

Have you ever thought about how dependent a human baby is? Many animals are quick to walk but our babes come to us so defenseless and needy. Doesn't God know that mothers are busy and tired? Yes. But perhaps that's why nursing is something only the mother can do. My own Mum was busy with 10 kids, home schooling and gardening and yet she seemed to welcome the break every three hours to sit down, put feet up and dote on the new little person entrusted to her.

It's hard to believe our son is turning two! Zeke's growing into a confident and tender little man. He's getting really good at climbing and jumping. He's learning how to play with Tazara without injuring her. He likes to make her laugh. He loves reading books. He's got lots more exciting and challenging growing, changing and learning ahead. He's got a Papa and Mama that are proud of him and love him to pieces. A sister that adores him. And lots of family and friends to cheer him on.

What God Cooked Up

God blows my mind sometimes with the blessings He works out. He did a God size job last week by bringing my Ohio family to New Zealand. In 2009 Kelly and I went through the Insight (INtensive Study of Integrated Global History and Theology) program together. We became fast friends as we learned and grew together. Kelly's family welcomed me into their home for the second semester - intensifying our sisterhood. Not only were Kelly and I going through a life changing learning experience together but we were also stuck with similar and unusual romances. I was hopelessly in love with a missionary in Uganda, Andrew whose homeland is New Zealand. While Kelly was in love with a missionary in Thailand, Judah, whose homeland is Australia. At the start of Insight we had slim hope in an unlikely dream and by the end I was nearly engaged and Kelly and Judah going strong. :)

You'll probably hate me if you hear how spoiled I've been by this loving family... Over the time I lived with their family we shared many meals and fun times together. I felt very much like part of the family as I went to church and family outings with them. I enjoyed going to the gym with Mrs Julie, we also went shopping and cross country skiing together. Mr Cook took Kelly and me snowmobiling and paid for us to go skydiving!! If that doesn't beat all, the four of us flew to Puerto Rico for Easter!

Emotionally it was perhaps one of the most packed and toughest years of my life. I journeyed through Insight, grappling with who I am and what I believe about God while my family at home seemed to be falling apart and I was trying to make the most life-altering decisions of my life - whether I should marry this man from across the world. Maybe God gave me a home with the Cooks and beautiful times together to lighten the load and get me out of my intense heart and mind struggles. They have truly been a gift from above.

Sunset hike at Waihi beach

So, this last month Kelly and Judah were on furlough next door in Australia, with her parents Wally and Julie visiting them. The three of them decided to hop this way for a reunion. It was so wonderful! Once again I feel ever so spoiled by my great God. I hold these three very dear to my heart. It was so special to be able to show them Zeke and Tazara and some of New Zealand. We took a beautiful coastal road to Waihi beach and enjoyed a night there in a friends batch. God gave us beautiful weather! They arrived on the sunniest warmest day in two weeks and left three days later when the fog started to come back. 

PS. In case its hard to figure out - the title comes from Andrew but the post is mine :)