God, my home address has changed....

 God has felt distant for quite some time, perhaps especially since June when precious Zeke arrived. I've felt an ache in the void. Under my breathe I whisper 'God I miss you.' I've wondered if sin is keeping me from him. I've wondered if I haven't been seeking him diligently. I feel discouraged and very jealous of those close with God. I started apologizing in prayer for every sin and short-coming I could think of. The chorus of petitions became almost constant throughout my quiet day. My heart felt beaten down, tired, lonely, discouraged and still distant.

Like a treasure hunt, I've been finding hints, one by one, of why my soul has found itself in such a state. One hint I found the other night as I was journaling and reflecting on God's and my relationship. I used to be very good at finding God in the quiet. I'd meet with him in the peaceful open field down past the park. I'd feel His presence in the still quiet night. I'd wait for the kiss and the embrace of my soul.

Life has changed in the last year and a half. I've become one with a man. We two became three. I'm rarely alone. My time is not my own. My head and my hands stay happily busy thinking of and tending to the needs and desires of my Man and my baby. I can get away and find quiet now and then but the people that fill my heart follow me there. The change is good and God has brought it about but I need to learn to find God in the noise. He hasn't lost me though I might not be skilled at finding him a midst a new back-drop. I recognized him in the quiet alone but now I need to know what He looks like in the midst of these new sights and sounds. It comforts my soul to know that He is still watching over me. He still delights in me. He is still near. He hasn't gone anywhere. I get distracted, He does not.

I praise God for the ache and the void because it causes me to savor and treasure the sweet fellowship of His wonderful presence. These days I'm reminded He is God as I play with Zeke on the floor and hear his sweet giggles.I feel His presence as I listen to the New Testament while preparing lunch. I feel his delight in me when Andrew comes home in the evening and embraces me. Thank you Lord!

"...I will never leave you, nor forsake you." "Behold I am with you always... "