One for the Birds..

 Beloved Bee-eater Buzz Bye.

I left Tanzania eight years ago this month! As they say; time flies! So it's about time I told another 'God' story, this one from that August in 2004 when I was preparing to leave the country I'd loved for years before I even first set foot there. So glad that, by God's providence, I was once a bright-eyed eight year old dreamer reading adventure books way into the night.

How God managed to drag me away from my beloved Tanzania with my consent I won't disclose here only to say He had been at work over the previous year doing that. He'd also, inside the last 6wks, completely turned around what I'd been set on doing over the six months before I would start classes in Auckland. I'd trusted Him on that despite it making zero sense when I changed my plans to match His. The day after I did it was revealed exactly why He'd asked me to – but that's another story!

And so I found myself in early August 2004 with less than a month before I'd fly off to open a new chapter of life back in New Zealand. The decision to leave after three seasons at Namuai Farm had been hard but I was slowly coming to peace with leaving a stunningly beautiful home/work environment where I worked a great job with good staff under me while enjoying excellent conditions and renumeration serving the best boss I'd ever had.
In the previous few days I'd been talking to God as I gave up to Him the things I enjoyed most about living here; the things I'd miss - they were many! I was excited about my intermediate-term plans for NZ but right then feeling rather subdued and wistful – grieving the soon coming leaving of a life held dear.
During this particular lunch hour I confessed to my Heavenly Father that I knew He already knew my heart's desire; that I  hoped to return to East Africa after a couple or three years IF He saw that as best for me. But if this was my final farewell to Tanzania then that was ok despite how I felt. I was letting Him know I would trust Him with my heart even though I couldn't see where He was leading me at the time.

Well, on this otherwise normal workday, I was sitting on my fabulous sunset-facing farmhouse verandah just settling back into my customary few quiet minutes of surveying the beautiful lawns, flowering gardens and fruitful trees spread about me. As I did so I noticed some unusual new-to-Namuai birds! Feathered friends were very common as Tanzania is home to over 500 species, many of whom are dazzingly coloured cool things.

So cool that birdwatching had, over the last eight years, become one of my favourite past-times. New Zealand has many unique birds but I'd never been much of a birdspotter there except when drawing a barrel bead on ducks – and that was really more about the joy inherent in being outdoors, the thrill of the hunt and the physical pleasure of swinging a shotgun and timing my trigger pull perfectly.
Avian Africa had however, without firing a shot, captivated with it's immense number of species and their glorious variety of sizes, sounds, shapes and colours. My Collins “Birds of East Africa” field guide had been an excellent purchase and was now entirely well-thumbed. Personal favourites included tiny cute Pygmy and Malachite kingfishers, princely Batchelor eagles, solemn Saddle-billed storks, proud Red Bishop weavers, regal Crowned Cranes, sauntering Secretary Birds and of course the Ostriches I had galloped off the ripening wheat crop on our lower 500 acre block many times aboard my two-wheeled gruntbeast. Bigbird brains may be slow but their legs can sure motor :)

But above all I loved Bee-eaters the most. Thought them just the neatest birds since sighting a pair of Little Bee-eaters on my first visit to Tarangire National Park in April 1996. A John Deere-ish green and yellow and cute as buttons. Plus, cf. other birds they let me get fairly close with Landrover and camera which helped endear them to me given they are rather small.

Little Bee-eater Family wake up. Tarangire National Park 2003 (300mm handheld).

Driving through far-off Shinyanga Region in January 1997 I'd snapped four bigger type Bee-eaters perched in a roadside tree catching/eating dragonflies. They weren't easy to identify despite Collins help. Collins and co are now packed away in our container (making space for my sister-in-law now visiting from Maryland) and I can't remember what name I eventually put to identify those birds. They were a species of Bee-eater I'd never seen until being that far west (I'll edit in such name details when I next rescue Collins from container clutter).

 Four ???? Bee-eaters, Shinyanga Region, Tanzania in January, 1997.

So, returning to my Namuai verandah story, I was undoubtbly inclined to notice the flock of approximately sixty(!) Bee-eaters I saw swoop in over the next minute to perch altogether in a tree at the Northwest corner of the garden about 25m away. I'd never seen such a flock neither this species anywhere I'd travelled in East Africa; and I took great notice observing birds and other wildlife when out and about. That was one of the joys of being in Tanzania – never knowing what interesting stuff you might see by a days end. Namuai Farm is home to many resident bird species as well as some seasonal migrants but this flock was something altogether new to me after 3yrs observing the birdlife of West Kilimanjaro.

Thinking they might shove off for good any second I refrained from heading inside to grab camera and tripod and instead decided to just enjoy them while I could sans the usual picturemaking stress. As I sat there watching these lovely creatures noisily sort out perching arrangements, I wondered half aloud how far they had come from and why, and what are the chances they might stay awhile? There was no-one else around but the very next second I heard this direct answer by way of a very clear whisper in my spirit “Andrew they've come to wish you farewell, farewell from Tanzania.” After that sunk in “Wow, what a cool farewell gift. Thanks Lord!” is all I remember whispering gratefully back.

Over the rest of that day, they flew constant fighter-plane-like missions out to attack insects on the wing. They have amazing vision because they head flat out making a direct bee-line to snap any size insect flying up to 40m away. Then they flit straight back to find a perch to sit on while they scoff their prize.
Now and then one would venture over to squat on the radio tower guy-lines near me for a change of view; so I got to see them close up too. I was amused watching them work and also interacting amongst themselves. They were quite chatty with occasional angry tiffs over prime perching real estate. Mostly they got along fine and seemed to be having a great time hanging out in my yard. Near dusk, not long after I got in from being out on the farm, I saw them suddenly fly off together towards wherever they had come from earlier in the day. Would I see them again tomorrow?
Happily they turned up just after breakfast to once more run through their same beautiful game...and so it was every following day of the remaining 3wks until I myself winged away leaving them behind. I'd pointed the Bee-eaters out to my gardeners (minus my 'farewell' story). They said they'd never seen birds like those anywhere around Namuai before and certainly not in the farmhouse gardens like that.

Nearly eighteen months later I spent three weeks in Tanzania on the way home from 2mths in Europe. I stayed mostly in Arusha doing trips out to various old haunts; including a good friends farm further north around Mt Kilimanjaro. Luke kindly dropped me at Namuai the next day so I could give my salaams to Namuai area friends and acquaintances. Samweli my best gardener had moved on elsewhere but when I met Lilian those Bee-eaters suddenly came to mind. So I asked her if they were still making an appearance. “Manager” Lilian replied, “those many birds left the same day you did. They've never been back since.”

Thanks Loving Father for that special treat! Who but You could, and would, send me my #1 favourite bird in numbers too hard to ignore? A special, humbling, reminder of your intimately personal knowledge of me to encourage me through my last weeks in a place I found hard to leave despite your clear call on my heart. Thanks for such an awesome knowing love!

  

The next time I saw Bee-eaters wasn't until over two-and-a-half years later in December 2008 while staying at 'The Kingfisher' lodge near Jinja, Uganda. I was there together with our whole Uganda Mission squad for a 3-night annual retreat. I was anticipating an interesting few days, not least because Eden and I would be floating the idea of both of us travelling to Tanzania in early January and we had no idea how our superiors would respond.

We had only met a few times during work-related visits to each others mission stations (2.5hrs drive apart) but had similar outlook and interests and had connected well. She'd heard I'd worked in Tanzania and told me she'd sponsored a Tanzanian girl for 7yrs through Compassion International. They enjoyed a great writing relationship and she had not given up hope that God would enable her to visit Elizabeth before she had to return to the USA in only 4mths time. I'd said I'd be sure to provide her with heaps of good contacts and some advice on places to see etc if God gave her the opportunity to go - just let me know when you know. 

Myself, I'd always be keen to visit Tanzania again but since I'd not long started my work in Uganda and wouldn't have holidays due for some time I hadn't entertained more thought on the matter. That is until Phil had spoken to me recently about my needing to renew my 3mth tourist visa as it would run out before the missions new NGO identity would be registered and I could apply for my 2yr work permit under that. They didn't want me getting the permit under the old NGO status but the new registration was dragging on (4yrs already!) and didn't look like happening before the new year now given the typical wind-down before Christmas associated with any government office in Africa. So, meantime, given my 3mth visa expired on Jan 10^th, could I cross the border into Kenya in early Jan? I'd need to stay there four or five days and hopefully get my tourist visa renewed for another 3mths upon my return? He'd give me enough funds for the cost of the whole trip seeing as it wasn't my fault. And as soon as the new NGO came through I'd be able to apply for a legitimate working visa.

I didn't have any good friends in Kenya, except for in big-city Nairobi - but I had no desire to go back there, so I'd straight away asked if I could make it a week long trip and visit my friends in Arusha instead. They were doing some interesting new farming things that might be useful to see given my own work brief? I'd pick up the extra cost and deduct the extra time from holidays. Phil thought that made sense so, quite excited about seeing familiar faces and places again, I'd contacted contacts and started asking God to help me make it a worthwhile trip when I remembered what Eden had shared. Hmm, I thought, what are the chances of this not being a 'God' thing? Too many coincidences not to be worth seriously considering! First, a totally unexpected opening for me to go. Second, a godly young woman wanting, hoping and praying to go meet and encourage another young Christian woman she's known for seven years by distance. Third, having lived there I knew Tanzania and it's people and their language better than any other potential guide Eden was likely to know or meet. Fourth, I reckoned I'd actually enjoy it given what I'd already seen of Eden's godward character and humble but adventurous nature. So I communicated to her that I thought maybe God was on the move about to do something special for her and Elizabeth and to start praying as many things would have to fall into place before such a trip would be possible.

Late in the afternoon on check-in day I was down by the Lake Victoria pondering such things while enjoying watching the many Cattle Egrets, a Pied Kingfisher and some Maribu Storks that were busy around the shore as only birds can be. As I finished sharing my thoughts with my Heavenly Father and rose to make my way up the track back to the lodge grounds I saw a flock of quite large-sized Bee-eaters zoom in and perch throughout the only big shade tree nearby. I drew nearer to sit and watch them chatting away while perchswapping with each other. I counted over 100 of the beautiful creatures and thought maybe they roost overnight here? But twenty minutes later as dusk dropped in they up and headed south of a sudden. Gone. Recalling my last encounter with Bee-eaters I asked God if He was giving me a hint that yes indeed He was up to something?

Well, God moved in some remarkable ways and our wonderful trip to Tanzania is real His-story now. The new NGO was finally approved within days of our return from Tanzania. Stuff like that...

Now, I can't speak for others but in the many times I stayed at The Kingfisher since I never saw those Bee-eaters again despite maintaining a lookout for them. God's flock of feathered angels (messengers) of hope. The sure hope of His intimate knowledge of, His presence with and, His care and provision for, those He loves!

Dragreampression. Done. Dusted. Defeated.

Praying these days for one of our recent ex-Prison Care Ministry guys who is troubled by depression. He's only in his mid-late 20's...he's shared some of his life story with me over the months since he was released to our care. That gives me lot's of unresolved stuff possibilities I could speculate on as being specific causes of his affliction but here is certainly not the time or place for that.

I'm no expert in terms of the scientific study of depression and its causes and cures from the biochemistry angle, but I have certainly studied it's effects subjectively from the inside. Not so much the acutely dehabilitating version but the chronic longer term sort that I didn't even know I had while it slowly ground me down from mild to fairly seriously depressed over some tough years. That ain't much fun although I can say I've learnt useful humbling truth about myself as a result of reflecting on such periods of my life.

It's my belief that neither science nor personal insight can/will totally cure depression. Symptoms resulting from out-of-whack biological chemistry can be treated with anti-depressants and cognitive thinking practices involving using positive thinking to replace negative thinking patterns can sure help but they don't usually treat the root cause.

Knowing your own warning signs is another useful tool. It's no longer hard to sense the black dog creeping closer in time to do something about it once these are known and then monitored. Eating right, getting a reasonable amount of regular exercise, keeping to a regular and sufficient sleep pattern, avoiding alcohol except in real moderation, fronting up and facing your social world despite not wanting to...all are, of course, the very things that people prone to depression find hard to keep up and/or do when feeling blue. We neglect these at our peril.

Ultimately depression is a spiritual malady resulting from living in a fallen world, a wonderful world yes but still a world now groaning under the curse of it's Creator (see Genesis chapter 3). We humans chose to let sin into the world with all it's myriad consequences rather than trust God. A God who kept His promise that we would die if we ate that fruit. As a son of Adam by the flesh I will continue to too often react sinfully to those who sin against me or those I care about. Depending on the combination of one's weaknesses and idols, depression is one of the possible sub-totals of our sinful reactions. It's a form of death and if not remedied leads to actual final death. Death of relationships – me with myself, me with God, me with my neighbour/s, even me with life on earth and afterwards eternally.

The final cure will only come when this current age is ended by the return of my King. This alone is my hope. Depression will be done away with when Death itself (and death comes in many forms affecting every aspect of our lives) is destroyed.

At times in the past I've done all the recommended things – thought as positively as I can, kept up on exercise, worked well at a job I liked, good eating and sleeping habits, maintained good friendships as well as regular devotional times and prayer, helped and served others worse off than me, done activities I love (trailriding in beautiful places etc)...all good and necessary things yet not enough...still found myself slipping ever so slowly into the gloom... :(

Towards the end of 2005 I'd been praying a week or so asking my Heavenly Father for His solution because I was in such a time and my 'plan of attack' certainly wasn't working. My mild blues weren't really getting worse but neither were they fading away. I felt stuck.

God answered my prayers in a special way through the following dream: My nephew Sam, then about 13yrs old, and I walked along through a huge flat brown expanse devoid of any green. Suddenly on the faraway horizon I noticed clouds of dust appear. They started circling higher and higher as they inched closer and closer. Standing still now I watched, with a growing sense of dread, as a menacing grey form rose into view through the approaching storm swirl.

It grew and grew until I was able to make out the top half of the fear-inducing shape of a giant dragon/dinosaur/lizard advancing slowly but methodically towards us. It seemed in no particular hurry but yet it headed straight in our direction. The sun was still high in the sky and there was nowhere to run and/or nothing to hide in or behind.

As the dragon thing continued moving closer it also increased in size. It was not just coming nearer but actively growing larger too and I observed with very real dismay that it was not made of flesh and blood but of heavy dull steel. Not plates held together by nuts & bolts or welds but instead made entirely of thousands upon thousands of interlocking chainlink that allowed it complete fluidity of movement to freely express a very obvious rage. Fight or flight? I quickly realised no man-made gun would stop this beast; there being no brain or heart to kill. I was completely exposed and without a single weapon at hand. So we stood still as it towered far over us expanding like a six-storey building still adding floors.

But then, instead of the immobilising fear I expected, I heard my own voice calmly and confidently speak this counsel to Sam “we must sing psalms and songs of praise to God or be destroyed. Praise is our only hope of defeating this monster.” So we did. Despite our lack of tune and without an accompanying musical score we raised our voices and sang faith out. Verses of various psalms and hymns we knew. Vocaling forth the truth of God's goodness and greatness. And then...

...still singing, we stood and watched as the most wonderful thing happened. This terrifyingly huge and powerful living monster machine began to look punch drunk. What had mere moments earlier appeared totally indestructible now swayed confused. Then slowly, as we continued lifting praise to our Creator, link by link it began to crumble until eventually the interlocked drive-chain like links cascaded down in torrents! Roaring and thrashing it's frustration the metallic Dino-dragon beast fought hard against it's reduction - but it could not prevail. It began to shrink in size at the same time as it disintegrated into a million pieces. Pieces soon obscured by a new cloud of dust. The dust from it's collapse. Rising, like our spirits, to announce our salvation.

Immediately I awoke knowing God's message to me. I'm not inclined to singing aloud but I knew this was the direct answer to my recent petitions. And I tell you now that turning my eyes by voice towards God to thank Him for His goodness to me in Christ Jesus is now a mainstay weapon of war for me.

This is consistent with the experience of the people of God as recorded in Holy Scripture and also that of church history since Jesus Christ's ascension to Heaven. Only, due to my own lack of insight combining with a natural disinclination to singing aloud outside of church worship times, I didn't see this as an essential discipline for me to be practicing. But through this experience I've learnt that vocal praise times at home, whether alone by myself or with Eden, are where God meets me and heals my soul in a special way. I don't know how it works only that He blesses my spirit as I exalt His holy name. Indeed, He lives in the praises of His people!

Despite this lesson, and despite my faithfulness in daily morning prayer and bible reading devotional time, I still let myself get too 'busy' to spend regular time during the week praising God through song. Busy where the devil knows I'm less effective. If I continue stubbornly choosing that I find myself once again in a spiritually dry flat featureless place...so it's my prayer for myself and for you that we will know personally, and often, the joy of declaring aloud praises to our Almighty God.

My young friend moved out to his own digs many weeks ago but we still keep in touch. He is struggling to live wisely life with no physical bars restricting him. He seems to still be pacing around going nowhere inside a mental, emotional and ultimately spiritual prison cell of his own making.
Please pray for me to listen/speak in the most helpful way as I seek to minister to his confused mix of hurt, grief and, at times, near hopelessness.
Join with me now asking Abba Father that my friend would come to know Christ's love and the spiritual life-empowering depression-slaying gratitude that flows from a willing obedient heart brought to life by our gracious merciful God. All praise and glory to Him forever and ever. Amen.