Dragreampression. Done. Dusted. Defeated.

Praying these days for one of our recent ex-Prison Care Ministry guys who is troubled by depression. He's only in his mid-late 20's...he's shared some of his life story with me over the months since he was released to our care. That gives me lot's of unresolved stuff possibilities I could speculate on as being specific causes of his affliction but here is certainly not the time or place for that.

I'm no expert in terms of the scientific study of depression and its causes and cures from the biochemistry angle, but I have certainly studied it's effects subjectively from the inside. Not so much the acutely dehabilitating version but the chronic longer term sort that I didn't even know I had while it slowly ground me down from mild to fairly seriously depressed over some tough years. That ain't much fun although I can say I've learnt useful humbling truth about myself as a result of reflecting on such periods of my life.

It's my belief that neither science nor personal insight can/will totally cure depression. Symptoms resulting from out-of-whack biological chemistry can be treated with anti-depressants and cognitive thinking practices involving using positive thinking to replace negative thinking patterns can sure help but they don't usually treat the root cause.

Knowing your own warning signs is another useful tool. It's no longer hard to sense the black dog creeping closer in time to do something about it once these are known and then monitored. Eating right, getting a reasonable amount of regular exercise, keeping to a regular and sufficient sleep pattern, avoiding alcohol except in real moderation, fronting up and facing your social world despite not wanting to...all are, of course, the very things that people prone to depression find hard to keep up and/or do when feeling blue. We neglect these at our peril.

Ultimately depression is a spiritual malady resulting from living in a fallen world, a wonderful world yes but still a world now groaning under the curse of it's Creator (see Genesis chapter 3). We humans chose to let sin into the world with all it's myriad consequences rather than trust God. A God who kept His promise that we would die if we ate that fruit. As a son of Adam by the flesh I will continue to too often react sinfully to those who sin against me or those I care about. Depending on the combination of one's weaknesses and idols, depression is one of the possible sub-totals of our sinful reactions. It's a form of death and if not remedied leads to actual final death. Death of relationships – me with myself, me with God, me with my neighbour/s, even me with life on earth and afterwards eternally.

The final cure will only come when this current age is ended by the return of my King. This alone is my hope. Depression will be done away with when Death itself (and death comes in many forms affecting every aspect of our lives) is destroyed.

At times in the past I've done all the recommended things – thought as positively as I can, kept up on exercise, worked well at a job I liked, good eating and sleeping habits, maintained good friendships as well as regular devotional times and prayer, helped and served others worse off than me, done activities I love (trailriding in beautiful places etc)...all good and necessary things yet not enough...still found myself slipping ever so slowly into the gloom... :(

Towards the end of 2005 I'd been praying a week or so asking my Heavenly Father for His solution because I was in such a time and my 'plan of attack' certainly wasn't working. My mild blues weren't really getting worse but neither were they fading away. I felt stuck.

God answered my prayers in a special way through the following dream: My nephew Sam, then about 13yrs old, and I walked along through a huge flat brown expanse devoid of any green. Suddenly on the faraway horizon I noticed clouds of dust appear. They started circling higher and higher as they inched closer and closer. Standing still now I watched, with a growing sense of dread, as a menacing grey form rose into view through the approaching storm swirl.

It grew and grew until I was able to make out the top half of the fear-inducing shape of a giant dragon/dinosaur/lizard advancing slowly but methodically towards us. It seemed in no particular hurry but yet it headed straight in our direction. The sun was still high in the sky and there was nowhere to run and/or nothing to hide in or behind.

As the dragon thing continued moving closer it also increased in size. It was not just coming nearer but actively growing larger too and I observed with very real dismay that it was not made of flesh and blood but of heavy dull steel. Not plates held together by nuts & bolts or welds but instead made entirely of thousands upon thousands of interlocking chainlink that allowed it complete fluidity of movement to freely express a very obvious rage. Fight or flight? I quickly realised no man-made gun would stop this beast; there being no brain or heart to kill. I was completely exposed and without a single weapon at hand. So we stood still as it towered far over us expanding like a six-storey building still adding floors.

But then, instead of the immobilising fear I expected, I heard my own voice calmly and confidently speak this counsel to Sam “we must sing psalms and songs of praise to God or be destroyed. Praise is our only hope of defeating this monster.” So we did. Despite our lack of tune and without an accompanying musical score we raised our voices and sang faith out. Verses of various psalms and hymns we knew. Vocaling forth the truth of God's goodness and greatness. And then...

...still singing, we stood and watched as the most wonderful thing happened. This terrifyingly huge and powerful living monster machine began to look punch drunk. What had mere moments earlier appeared totally indestructible now swayed confused. Then slowly, as we continued lifting praise to our Creator, link by link it began to crumble until eventually the interlocked drive-chain like links cascaded down in torrents! Roaring and thrashing it's frustration the metallic Dino-dragon beast fought hard against it's reduction - but it could not prevail. It began to shrink in size at the same time as it disintegrated into a million pieces. Pieces soon obscured by a new cloud of dust. The dust from it's collapse. Rising, like our spirits, to announce our salvation.

Immediately I awoke knowing God's message to me. I'm not inclined to singing aloud but I knew this was the direct answer to my recent petitions. And I tell you now that turning my eyes by voice towards God to thank Him for His goodness to me in Christ Jesus is now a mainstay weapon of war for me.

This is consistent with the experience of the people of God as recorded in Holy Scripture and also that of church history since Jesus Christ's ascension to Heaven. Only, due to my own lack of insight combining with a natural disinclination to singing aloud outside of church worship times, I didn't see this as an essential discipline for me to be practicing. But through this experience I've learnt that vocal praise times at home, whether alone by myself or with Eden, are where God meets me and heals my soul in a special way. I don't know how it works only that He blesses my spirit as I exalt His holy name. Indeed, He lives in the praises of His people!

Despite this lesson, and despite my faithfulness in daily morning prayer and bible reading devotional time, I still let myself get too 'busy' to spend regular time during the week praising God through song. Busy where the devil knows I'm less effective. If I continue stubbornly choosing that I find myself once again in a spiritually dry flat featureless place...so it's my prayer for myself and for you that we will know personally, and often, the joy of declaring aloud praises to our Almighty God.

My young friend moved out to his own digs many weeks ago but we still keep in touch. He is struggling to live wisely life with no physical bars restricting him. He seems to still be pacing around going nowhere inside a mental, emotional and ultimately spiritual prison cell of his own making.
Please pray for me to listen/speak in the most helpful way as I seek to minister to his confused mix of hurt, grief and, at times, near hopelessness.
Join with me now asking Abba Father that my friend would come to know Christ's love and the spiritual life-empowering depression-slaying gratitude that flows from a willing obedient heart brought to life by our gracious merciful God. All praise and glory to Him forever and ever. Amen.