Thursday, December 26, 2013

Is your heart breaking? 
Are you living without? 
Are you in shackles? 
Take heart our God has arrived. 
He is perfect in love. 
He is just. 
Comfort, beauty and joy are yours.
 You are beautiful in his glory. 
You are righteous in his splendor. 
As a bride adorns herself so has our God adorned you, 
with garments of salvation and a robe of righteousness. 
You shall be called by a new name, 
which the mouth of the Lord will name. 
For the Lord delights in you. 
He rejoices over you.
Give Him no rest until He accomplishes it. 
Until He fulfills all that He has promised.
 For He will do it. 
Every word that comes from his mouth is truth. 
Every promise finds its yes and amen in Christ. 
Ask. Seek. Knock. Pray. Beg. 
He will listen and come and answer and heal.
Come Lord Jesus!

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
Those who dwelt in the land of the 
shadow of death,
Upon them a light has shined.
Isaiah 9v2


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Who Will Defend You?

The book of Job has perplexed me. God seems cruel to allow a man to suffer so much. When I was assigned 30 minutes of teaching this past term I took the opportunity to put some time into reflecting on and praying about this puzzling book. I'm so thankful for the truths and insights God reveals to us through these passages. I am more in love with Christ our Advocate as a result. I've compiled my findings below.


Who Will Defend You? 
(pondering the book of Job)

When I was little, my sister Heidi and I did everything together. She wasn't much older than me but she was much more tough and brave. I had great confidence in her and held her in highest esteem. Places I would be terrified to go alone I'd feel safe with her. Walking down an alley once I questioned “what if someone came to kidnap us.” She stood tall and said “I'd just kick 'em with my shoe.” I resumed our peaceful stroll feeling perfectly safe and content. Heidi is a great communicator. When I'd been turned down over a request to watch a movie or get out of a household chore Heidi would appeal and, more often then not, she would have my parents convinced that her idea was brilliant. In the book of Job he is accused by Satan. All of his speeches about his righteousness fall to the wind. He needs an advocate and a defender. Human wisdom fails him. His own righteousness fails him? Before all is lost, God takes up his defense. God doesn't defend Job on the basis of Job's uprightness but on the solid ground of His own.

The book of Job opens describing the life of this righteous man. In those days righteousness was thought to be synonymous with obtaining blessing and prosperity. We're not sure the exact time Job lived or when the book was written, but it is predicted that Job lived around the time of Abraham. In the Canon the book of Job is placed after the Law and first among the books of wisdom and poetry.

In the Old Testament God lays out the laws to be obeyed and declares the blessing following and the curses that go along with disobedience. Common wisdom is understanding what is right and therefore brings blessing while foolishness leads to harm. The book of Proverbs spells out much of this cause and effect, paralleling the consequences of foolish living with the beauty and rest of wisdom. The book of Job however shows up the loop holes in this kind of wisdom in a fallen world. According to Proverbs Job's righteous living should secure him with a problem free life. As we read on we find Job's life soon becomes far from carefree.

After a short description of this righteous man “Job” we are hoisted up to peek in on the assembling of the sons of God in the heavenlies. Satan is also there to report. God is bragging on his servant Job and Satan starts accusing “Does Job fear God for no reason?” Thus God and Satan enter into a debate that acts out in the life of Job. God puts limits on Satan and allows him to do away with virtually all of Job's material and relational blessings.

The people of the day didn't get in on this exchange between God and Satan. They see a well renowned man of honor crumpling to the floor. In one day Job loses all of his 10 children, all his flocks and herds as well as most of his servants. His wealth and his family are whammered away in a moment. If this isn't awful enough, next his very body is covered in dreadful sores. Three of Job's friends come to grieve with him, but rather than comfort they bring him more sorrow and opposition.

Job's friends find him sitting in the dust with a potsherd to scrape the sores on his body. Job and his friends wrestle like many of us wrestle in the face of adversity. They seek to interpret and make sense of the story unfolding before them. We see Job and his friends grappling with questions like: Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? If Job is upright why did God allow this calamity? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Where is God in all of this?

We hate to be in a place where we don't know or understand what is going on. We often jump to conclusions and judgments to make sense of the misfortune of others. If we can explain it away we are less likely to run into it ourselves. We feel more comfortable with what we can understand and control. Job's friends arrived at the conclusion that surely Job must have sinned in some way to bring upon himself this awful calamity? Eliphaz spoke up declaring the verdict “You must be in the wrong because the innocent prosper.” Bildad chimes in “Repent and God will bless you for God punishes the wicked.” Zophar spoke up like a good Calvinist “You deserve worse than what you're getting.” Job's friends were emptyhanded. Their wisdom didn't have room for a good man suffering. They only had more condemnation. To settle their own hearts they condemned Job.

In Chapter 32, a young man Elihu shows himself. He's been listening and keeping quiet to hear the wisdom of the old guys but after hearing them go on and on with empty words he feels compelled to speak. He rebukes Job for defending himself on the grounds of his own merit. Elihu declares that a mediator is needed, a ransom is needed to plead before God. The Mediator is needed in order that God might accept us and be merciful to deliver. Lets read a portion of Elihu's words from Chapter 33:23-33.
“If there is a messenger for him. A mediator, one among a thousand, to show man [God's] uprightness, then God is gracious to him and says 'Deliver him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom....(v26b) For He restores to man [God's] righteousness...(v29) Behold, God works all these things , twice in fact, three times with a man. To bring back his soul from the Pit, that he may be enlightened with the light of life.”
I believe this is a beautiful and outstanding passage in the book of Job. Elihu's ear is inclined towards wisdom. He knows that a Savior is needed for Job. He recognizes that he himself is made of clay (33v6).

It is at this point that God enters the conversation. Like a symphony rising with tension, Elihu sets the stage for God declaring His glory and God takes it up from there. God's majesty silences. It seems ironic how little man knows, understands, or controls and yet we make great claims of wisdom, understanding, and judgment. God's anger is aroused. Starting with the foundations of the earth and various creatures God questions Job on his knowledge, wisdom and power compared to the Almighty One. At last He paints a picture of the most powerful of creatures; Leviathan. Some think that Leviathan is a crocodile or a dragon of the sea. According to eastern tradition Leviathan is an enemy of the light. This word is also used figuratively for a cruel enemy. There are a lot of parallels in the description of Leviathan and descriptions of God's chief opponent Satan. Here in Job it is said of Leviathan that there is nothing like him on earth made without fear (41v33). In the garden of Eden, Satan is described as the most cunning of all the creatures God had made. Leviathan is described as King over all the sons of pride (41v34). In the leading verses of Job 41 God asks of Job “Will Leviathan make a covenant with you?.. Can you defeat him?” It's as if God is saying to Job: "Satan is your enemy. Choose whose side you want to be on. You cannot stand up to him. You can't appease or make it right." "Any hope of overcoming him is false." (41v9)

Like the Jews in the day of King Ahasuerus who were powerless to undo his verdict, they needed an advocate and God raised up Esther. Similarly, at Sinai the Israelites stood terrified at the foot of the mountain - afraid to approach the King of Kings but God had raised up Moses to speak to Him on their behalf. In the face of Goliath's threats, the Israelites were shaking in their boots until God brought in David to fight on their behalf. In the face of Job's adversity he needs an advocate. Job needs someone to fight his adversary and he needs someone to defend him before God.
Finally Job gives up defending his name, humbles himself, and casts himself on the mercy of God. Job has found that his own righteousness and strength is insufficient to defeat the enemy of his soul. All the good works in the world are not good enough to safe his soul from the accusations of this relentless adversary. On his own he couldn't stand. Job renounces his accusations against God's injustice and throws himself upon God's mercy. Those who oppose God fail but those who humble themselves and join God's side will stand. Leviathan is spoken of a handful of times elsewhere in the bible. I'd like to look at Isaiah 27v1: "In that day the Lord with His severe sword, great and strong, will punish Leviathan that twisted serpent; and He will slay the reptile that is in the sea." Only Christ can stand up to the opponent Satan. Another passage that speaks of this battle and the glorious victory of our Savior is Rev 12v7-12a: 
"And war broke out in the heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon and his angels fought, but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in heaven any longer. So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, "Now salvation and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of the brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them!"

God silences the enemy and blesses Job - not because of Job's wisdom or righteousness but because of God's own. Job isn't vindicated. God is! Because of God's righteousness and mercy and strength Job is saved!

God rebukes Job's three friends (excluding Elihu) for not speaking right of God as his servant Job has.” Often when I read the words of Job's friends I think “where did they go wrong? Job's friends quote large doses of scripture and yet they arouse God's anger. They knew the scriptures but they missed the Redeemer. They missed the one the scriptures pointed to. They were too much like the Pharisees of whom Christ spoke in John 5:39-40: "You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to me that you may have life."

Can you can identify with Job's friends? Do you have people in your life that are struggling? Like me, do you try and figure out where they've gone wrong and recite verses so they can get it back together? Do you bless them with your magnificent words of wisdom, advice and insight? When you have a friend in trouble do you use scripture to lecture and condemn them? How about when you are downcast or in trouble? Do you lecture and condemn yourself? Or, do you give yourself/your friend Christ? Do you comfort yourself and others with His righteousness and faithfulness and nearness? In the face of trials and suffering (whether your own or someone else's) Christ is our only hope...He's the only one who can bring healing and restoration and save us from this world of sin and despair. He's the only one that can face up to our adversary and defend us before our holy perfect Lord.

Job's friends spoke “wisdom.” Their speeches sound good and right. They spoke of the general cause and effect of human behavior, they even lifted up God's greatness, but it was devoid of relationship with God. It was truth without love and so the truth was foolishness. Jesus is wisdom, truth, all-knowing. We don't have wisdom if we don't have Christ. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Without Christ, wisdom falls short. (Job 28:20-23,28) Job's friends joined Satan in pouring accusations and condemnation on Job. Job couldn't stand up to the accusations and eventually tried to plead his own righteousness. Job knew he needed someone to plead his cause. Three times he cries out for an advocate. (Job 9v14-20, 16v21, 19v25-27) The most glorious of these is in Job 19v25-27: “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God...”
He knew God's holiness and God's mercy well enough to know that he needed a ransom to be paid for his deliverance. In the face of His calamities he clung to the hope of His Redeemer.

Job saw God dimly as if behind a veil. Now the curtain has been torn in two. We have the whole Bible. We know that the Advocate and Redeemer that Job cries out for lives. Not only does He live but He came in the flesh and died that we might live with Him. Job is said to be a righteous man. Jesus however is the only One truly righteous. Jesus is the one who bore unjust torment. Jesus is the one whose family and name and body was torn away from Him and broken. Jesus is the only One who could stand before Satan's accusations and yet He took on the curse for us that we might live in His place!

The book of Job could be said in fewer words. The poetry however allows us to enter into the story. We hear Job's angst and we identify with his sorrow and despair. We can see their trains of thoughts as Job's friends grapple with bits of truth trying to make sense of what's going on. Our heart is stirred as Job gives voice to the anguish of his heart and body. An emotion-packed book. Not only do Job and his friends get into a heated argument but God Himself enters the discussion. When God speaks He uses the same passionate tones. He engages with them in their emotional state. God is an emotional God, just as we are emotional beings. We are molded in His image.

In the midst of our struggles and concerns and questions of living in a fallen world we grapple. We don't get all the answers. We don't see all that is going on in the heavenlies. We do however have an Advocate there, someone to plead our cause before the Father. In the midst of our suffering we know that Jesus Christ has given His life for us, He is with us in our struggle and He will take us to Himself. Because He's alive. Because He's not silent on our behalf. We can trust and rest and even rejoice amidst our struggles. God didn't assure Job “Yes, you are good. It wasn't your fault all this bad came upon you." Instead he showed Job Himself and He fought the battle for Job. This is how we receive comfort in our trials. We see Christ and we see that He has already fought the battle for us. Satan's accusations are dead and buried with Christ. We are justified before God. We stand pure and holy before God. We have a new identity. We are known and loved. In the face of trials and temptations and hardships and difficulties we wait on God to restore all things, to make all things new. Job didn't know all would be restored to him. We however know the end of the story. No matter what the sores and ashes we sit in today we know all will be restored. Christ will make all things new.

Like me have you been placing your trust in a false form of safety/security? I naively placed my trust in the strength and bravery of my big sister. My world crashed when I found she was as weak and frail as I am. What do you place your hope in? Is it the faith of your parents? Is it all the good things you've done? Or the evil you haven't done? Is it all the committees you've been on? All the people you've helped?

Sometimes it's the most pure and upright of us that fail to see our need for an advocate. If we don't see our shortcomings and failings, why would we cling to God's mercy? Considering ourselves more holy than the people around us we don't see our need for a Savior. We watch others get burned and we think to ourselves “I'm beyond that.” “Why would I be condemned, I'm rather good compared to _______.”
Do you see your need for an advocate? When Satan's accusations come, how will you defend yourself? (Romans 8v18-27) Is Christ standing before the Father pleading for you with groans that cannot be uttered or are you fighting a losing battle. When I stand before God my sister's good communication or boldness will not keep me standing. My right theology or good parenting will not keep me alive. Only in Christ do we stand secure.

Monday, December 16, 2013

We miss you!

This morning Aunt Melinda died. She's only 57. It wasn't long ago that we found out about her skin cancer. She's been fighting tirelessly, it's attached her limbs, her heart, her brain, and now her very life is stolen from her.

The last Massanutten (Howard family reunion) that I was home for, I was engaged to Andrew. Not many family members had met Andrew and some were concerned about his character. Aunt Melinda told me emphatically to marry whoever I wanted to marry. Aunt Melinda is confident and funny and speaks her mind. I love hearing her talk. She shares her opinions with such humor and absolute matter of factness. Aunt Melinda is a master at making up words. I remember visiting her home and being touched by how much she loves and is centered around her family. Her fridge and walls were decorated with cards and pictures from nieces and nephews, some recent and others from ages ago. Earlier this year, amidst trips to the hospital for chemotherapy, Aunt Melinda sent me three children's cds to enjoy with Zeke and Tazara. She posted them all the way to New Zealand followed up by a loving note and emails. When they didn't arrive with the first sending, she did it all over again and then rejoiced in my delight over the wonderful music.

What are Uncle Kevin and Calicoe and Jerimee going to do without Aunt Melinda?! How is Grandipop going to handle losing his daughter? Grandimary has been so often by her side for the last weeks and months. What about Aunt Pamela- her only sister?! How is Papa doing with the death of his little sister? Crying won't bring her back but it hurts not to cry. Oh God comfort them.

Last night I had my last class of the year. I taught for thirty minutes on the book of Job. For the last couple months I've been studying Job, trying to make sense of this story God gives us about a man's immense suffering. I've learned that Job needed an advocate and a defender against his relentless adversary. Aunt Melinda too has had a relentless and cruel adversary. She also has a defender and an advocate. I don't know why God didn't heal her in this world. I don't know why the enemy was allowed to take so much...but I do know the battle is over. And God has won. I know that God loves Aunt Melinda worlds more than I do and that she is happy and whole in heaven with Him. Aunt Melinda stands holy, righteous, pure, spotless, beautiful, healthy, loved and cared for. Not because she was a wonderful Aunt (though she was) or a perfect person (she wasn't) but because she hoped and rested in Christ's mercy and love.

We love and miss you Aunt Melinda!
It's hard being here with you gone.
your niece,
Eden

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Camping Trip


My dream came true! I wanted to go camping and water skiing with the Illings while Kirstie's here. Dad and Mum Dickson lovingly volunteered to look after Zeke and Tazara. It was the first time I've been without the kids for more than a couple hours since Tazzy arrived 14 months ago. They were happy as larks at Nana and Grandad's house - away from the wind, sun, rain and water. I'm really grateful for the refreshing break - though I was happy to see their precious faces again after 36hrs.      
       
Andrew and Graeme each pulled a boat behind their car. It was a fun group with 5 Illings, 2 Tarbottons, 3 Koolards, one of Olivia's friends and the three of us. We boarded the boats and arrived at our campsite across Lake Tarawera before midday Saturday. There are natural hot pools long the shore and beautiful forested mountains on all sides. The water is clear and splendid. We got some rough biscuit rides while the winds were busy as well as some calm rides when it settled down in the evening and Sunday morning. Kirstie and I teamed up on one biscuit with Andrew and Matthew on the other. The wind jostled us around and the water (with the Captain's help) tried to hurl us off. At one point Andrew invented a new stunt. He held Matthew's biscuit with one arm and mine and Kirstie's with the other. As the biscuits flew, water went over and under him while he managed to keep holding on until with speed he planed skimming along on top the water. He looked mighty and powerful flying through the water, I'm just thankful he wasn't torn in two. :) The weather looked sketchy when we had looked online before the trip, with high winds and some rain predicted, but God answered our prayers. He calmed the sea and the only rain we got was when it poured as we ate dinner inside the Illing's large tent followed by a game of mafia. There's nothing like soothing hot pools after cold water swims, rain and boat rides. We also got in a hike over one of the neighboring mountains. On Sunday, Graeme led us in a devotional and we got into some good discussion about hope and the purpose of life. It was so fun to be able to enjoy New Zealand beauty with lots of family and a sister close!!!

Beauty, fresh air, and exhilarating play have a way of pumping life into a person. Thank you Abba for glimpses and tastes of your glory- I yearn for more of you!

                                                       





Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I'm thankful for each of the tender and precious moments hidden within each day.


I'm thankful God's provided an advocate to plead my defense before my King. 

I would have lost heart, 
unless I had believed
that I would see 
the goodness of the Lord 
in the land of the living! 
(Ps 27v13)
I'm thankful for a man that loves and fears the Lord and waits on Him.


I'm thankful for the two precious little people God's entrusted to me. 
Your goodness goes beyond my understanding!!!



Thank you God for Kirstie. For a rekindled friendship with my sister after years apart. Thank you for arranging and working out for her to come here to New Zealand! In the last couple weeks of her being here I've had so many sentimental moments. Not because I don't want to be here or because there's anything sad about Kirstie being here but...When we get each other laughing... joke, sing, tease and have all our crazy banters...I realize some of what I'm missing out on by living so very far away from my family.




Here on earth we get tastes of glory- our hearts are delighted with glimpses of heaven- but mixed in with the pleasure and joy and wonder is grief and pain and hardships of living in a fallen and cursed world. 

Thank you God for the glimpses of your glory! Thank you that one day you will restore all, make all things new. In you is perfect beauty and perfect delight. My soul finds perfect rest! 
I love you Abba! Thank you for loving me SOO SOO much!











Monday, November 4, 2013

Taken so long...

...but finally it's only ONE sleep til I'm reunited with my beloved wife and our babes!

God speed Air NZ 1.

Monday, September 9, 2013

My first sermon! :)

I haven't been blogging or cleaning or emailing sisters because my spare moments have been spent working on homework for my Hermeneutics for Preaching/Counseling and Biblical Interpretation course.

Don't worry; I'm not aspiring to be a preacher (neither would I). I would, however, like to teach a bible study at some point so I want to know how to rightly divide the word of God. The course has been absolutely excellent. I've been so inspired and motivated to get into the Bible more and really study the Word given to us by God so that we might know Him!

We just have a couple weeks left before the first term is over and I head off to the States for a wonderful reuniting with the my family!!!

This week I did my first teaching in front of the class. I was doing jumping jacks all day around the house to let off nervous energy. Studying and praying over Jacob's life has been so deeply rich and meaningful for me. I was discouraged before the presentation because I felt I couldn't do GOD'S GREATNESS justice. Looking over my notes I knew there were some really powerful truths but to speak about them in my unpersuasive, boring voice wouldn't be enough. God came through for me and their were a few wet eyes in the room after I finished (including my own). I actually enjoyed teaching on what I love! I didn't even get slaughtered when it came time for the class of six to critique the content of my presentation. Other than a few heretical errors (joking) it was encouraging.

I'm sharing the teaching here hoping you too might be encouraged.
 
Who are you?

I'm entitling my teaching “Who are you?” Think for just a moment about who you are. What defines you? How do people know you? What would your family tell me about you? We live in a culture searching for meaning and significance. People seeking to find out and express who they are. Sometimes we ponder and ask ourselves who am I really? God asked Jacob a question like this one. God changed Jacob's identity from that of a deceiver to the child of the Living God.

Lets start by reading a significant encounter in Jacob's life: Genesis 32:22-30

I've been looking in the second half of Genesis (Ch25-50) at who Jacob was and who God made him to be. Jacob's name means deceiver or heel grasper. He's known by his family as a deceiver. He wriggled his way into getting his brothers birthright over a bowl of soup (Ch25v29-34). He deceives his father Isaac in order to get the blessing (Ch27). To escape his brother, he runs off to his Uncle Laban(Ch28). Laban's son's don't trust him with their father's livestock (Ch31v1). Laban doubts and questions Jacob's dealings (Ch31v2). Jacob gets what he wants through whatever means he can. He looks after himself. Jacob even tries cutting deals with God. God promises blessing for Jacob before he's even born but Jacob goes after it by his own means. Jacob trusts no one. In Bethel, (when Jacob is running from his brother) God speaks to Jacob in a dream and gives him a beautiful and outstanding promise. Essentially Jacob answers back “If you will do this this and this for me then you can be my God and I'll give you some of my stuff and build a house for you. Jacob is bargaining with God. Jacob's name describes him well, he grasps for what he wants and gets it through whatever means. This method seems to be working out alright for him. He's got the blessing. He's accumulated lots of animals and a family.

However, on his return to his home country Jacob is met with a crisis. Esau is coming after him with four hundred men! Jacob is in the middle of a desert with all that he owns. His wives and children are there with him and they're about to be attacked in the wilderness. Jacob divides his family into two camps in a desperate hope that some might escape and live. He sends ahead gifts hoping to calm the wrath of his brother. He's in trouble and he's outnumbered. Jacob's afraid (Ch32v7). What is he to do?? Where can he turn?? He's burnt all his bridges. He's alone and he's vulnerable. Jacob's run out of idea's and he's out of resources. He's terrified. So he cries out to God. (Ch32v9-12).

In the middle of a sleepless night Jacob gets up and sends his family and all his possessions on ahead of him. He helps them cross the stream. Then all alone in the dark he meets with God. Yes God is there. He always has been but Jacob isn't used to receiving anything without a struggle so he spends much of the night wrestling with God. Jacob's spent his life stealing, bargaining, striving and working for what he has. To give up grasping is to go against who he is. If he's not Jacob the deceiver who is he? As the first gleams of daylight appear Jacob is still going strong but God seeks to end the fight. Jacob pleads “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” God asks him: “What is your name?”(Ch32v27) “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.” And God blesses him there (Ch32v28). In Jacob's last fight he looses his identity and is blessed. Jacob wins because he's finally lost himself. God is calling Jacob his own. He's claiming him. Jacob is no longer identified by his sin, he's no longer son of Satan, the father of lies. (John 8:44) He's now Israel “My first born.” (Ex3v18,4v21ff)

This story is shocking to me?!! Can you believe The God of the Universe is identifying Himself with this scumbag Jacob?!!

Let's take a glance at God's hand in history up to this point. We see clearly that God hates wickedness and loves righteousness. Sin is punished while righteousness is rewarded. It's pretty black and white. When Adam and Eve sin they are punished (Gen3). Cain is cursed for murder (Gen4v11). Noah was 'righteous' and 'blameless' and found favor with God (Gen6v9). God preserves him and his family while punishing wickedness with a flood (Gen6v5-8). Abraham is righteous and blessed. God makes a covenant with him. Isaac is the son of promise and walks in God's ways.

Then you come to Jacob. He's not righteous. He's not even the first born. He's defined by deception. And yet God insists on pursuing and blessing him. This is different. It doesn't seem right. God seems to be confusing things. Shouldn't He have blotted out Jacob and forfeited the blessing the minute he lied to his father? Instead, God goes out of His way to save and bless this guy who continually screws up.

After encountering God Jacob declares “I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” (Gen32v30)

Why was Jacob's life preserved? Why wasn't Jacob the deceiver punished and cursed for his sin? Because Jesus, God's firstborn paid, wrestled, struggled, died and was cursed. Jacob couldn't receive the blessing under his own name but under Israel (Prince of God, God's son) he received the firstborn blessing in Christ's place! God was willing to come down as man, wrestle and be defeated/die in order that Jacob might live.

This concept was not foreign to Jacob. Earlier in his life, Jacob was blessed by Isaac in the guise of Esau the firstborn. His father poured the whole blessing on Jacob while he wore the clothes of Esau.
Now, God pours the full blessing upon Jacob - knowing full well who he is but choosing to be blind to his sin and instead see Jacob clothed in the righteousness of His first born, Jesus Christ.

Jacob's older brother Esau is out to kill him because he's stolen the blessing. Jesus, on the other hand, willingly took the Father's curse in order that the one deserving the curse might be blessed (Col1v15,2Cor5v21,Rom8v29).

There's a lot to be said about Jacob's name change and his blessing from God but in the story Jacob is still in the desert with an angry older brother and his army after him. The suns now risen, the wrestling match is over. Jacob looks up and sees Esau and his 400 men coming. Jacob's had no sleep and sports a dislocated hip but he's a new man. Jacob divides his family and goes hobbling on ahead of them - bowing seven times to the ground. Esau runs to meet him with tears, hugs and all.

When Esau inquires about all the gifts of livestock Jacob has sent ahead and says he's got enough already. Listen to Jacob's response in verse 10-11 of Chapter 33:

And Jacob said, “No, please, if I have found favor in the sight of my lord, then receive my present from my hand, inasmuch as I have seen your face AS THOUGH I HAD SEEN THE FACE OF GOD AND YOU WERE PLEASED WITH ME. Please take my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough.” So he urged him and he took it.

At the onset of this journey Jacob was trying to earn favor and appease the older brother whereas now he knows he is accepted by the very brother he's stolen the blessing from and he is giving him a gift from the bountiful blessings of a gracious God. He doesn't need to give it, he already has favor but he wants to give from a heart that is overflowing with grace and gratitude.

Before leaving this story I just have one more question to ask of Jacob: Why does God name him Israel?

Israel is the nation God builds up for himself. Israel is 'His own special people'. The people of God. God calls Israel “My son, my firstborn.” Lets read from Deut7v6-8 and Ex2v22. God names a sinful people Israel and He gives them the title of firstborn. Firstborn doesn't have a whole lot of significance in our culture but in Jacob's culture firstborn was huge! It means you get your fathers title. It means a double portion. This is who Jacob becomes. He leaves behind a deceiving scoundrel and walks off in the glory of God. Jacob stands not on his own name but on the Father's name- his Father's title. His Father's words about him. Jacob had to give up trying to pay for, steal, earn, repay and wrestle for God's favor. He had to fall empty and broken on God's merciful grace. God didn't have to save Jacob. I believe God saved Jacob to show his people who He is and give them a foretaste of His glorious redemption.

Through the story of Jacob we see God's grace and mercy. We see what we (the people of Israel) are in Christ. Through Jacob its clear that it's not by our striving or our righteousness but God's own doing. Jacob couldn't even give up his striving without God touching him. Jacob won by losing. Jacob screwed up miserably but God meets him with blessing and favor, delight and grace.

What does this mean for us? I don't know about you but for me this is good news!! When I was growing up I did all I could to avoid my parents disapproval. I was good and sweet and therefore avoided punishment. I can't fake it with God. I try and try to be good and sweet but I come up empty. I find myself alone in the desert without resources. God goes after this hard-hearted deceitful man and pours his mercy and redemption and blessing upon him over and over and over. This is my story too! I screw it all up and God says “That one's mine.” “She's called by my name.”

He was not ashamed to identify with us. Who are you? What's your name? Are you known by your striving? Something you've done in the past? Are you defined by your success? Or by shame? Or.... are you known as the CHILD OF THE LIVING GOD. Is your identity found in Christ? Or is it in yourself? It's not until the self dies and we take on Christ's life that we truly live.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Carelations, Consciousness & Counseling

What people think and why they do what they do has long interested me. How long so a story for another post perhaps. Right now it's neat having come full circle back to fulfilling that desire as I find myself on the cusp of completing my Masters degree together with actually counseling real people since February this year (and more neat having Eden studying counseling papers too as she is able).

Helping reveal to clients/seekers what are the underlying, often unconscious, motivations/desires of the heart which eventually drive their conscious thought life and then visible actions is terribly tricky at times but always interesting whether we're leaping ahead through fresh insights or wading through the goop of denial.

That some well-intentioned folk rubbish counseling is par for the course of course. They aren't aware of their unconscious so in their expert opinion it simply doesn't exist. Me? I believe any life examined and reflected upon would disagree with such a blunt diagnosis.

Simple case in point follows.

In July 2010 I was looking for a new car. My reliable old Corolla had done a 6yr 100,000+km long dash with this Dickson so I'd let it pass to a friend who'd asked to buy it. Cash in the hand always good eh. Having a more suitable set of wheels for when Eden and I returned married from the USA at the end of September was the real motivation though.

I decided a Japanese station wagon with 4WD would do the trick nicely. Not an SUV as they be too pricey and thirsty despite the attraction of better off-road ability. Not a 2WD wagon as I wanted to be able to cross a wet paddock or scoot a beach given the chance. Definitely a wagon so we could sleep in the back if desired. Also wanted to be able to cart my folding Portabote on the roof and all it's seats and motor in the rear with the backseats down. Eden's up for adventure and 4WD helps that.

I hadn't found anything good in Hamilton and decided to check out a bunch of 4WD wagons selling privately all over Auckland that I'd been watching a while on TradeMe. All nice looking 4WD Toyota Carina's except for one black Honda Orthia. Never seen one before but it ticked the boxes. There was definitely something really attractive about it which I couldn't quite name when viewing the pics even though I'd actually started to swing towards considering an SUV like the Nissan Mistral over a 4WD car.

Well I got myself up to Auckland and checked out the Honda first. The young Russian guy selling it on behalf of his non English-speaking Russian friends absent wife didn't engender me to believing the deal was legit. Liked the car though. Me being me though, I'd planned to carry on and inspect as many of the Carina's as I could over the rest of the day before deciding which car was the best deal overall. I've never been in a hurry in my car buying history (except for here and that turned out great). But this time I soon surprised myself by laying my usual purchasing program aside in favour of the new logic that I liked the car enough to buy it and the price was agreeable so why carry on searching? Just do it! If I could make sure the sale was legit and the money transaction traceable (in case this smooth Russian was actually as mafia as he appeared) then I'd buy. I found ways of achieving that which they agreed to and the purchase was made.

No regrets. Our Honda's been great value by tar or by sand. One memorable trip was our taking Eden's visiting sister Jenny, her daughter Dassah, and Eden's cousin Calicoe up around the Coromandel Peninsula of a weekend in January 2011 at the height of summer. Brilliant weather, beautiful bays and beaches, and bubbling company to boot. But this big boy didn't realise he was in for a revelation as well.

Homeward bound after 2 nights in Whitianga we pulled in to a shady spot next to the Te Kouma wharf on Waipapa Bay for lunch. Twenty minutes and a full tummy later I noticed an early 90's Toyota Carib pull into the carpark and stop right behind our Orthia. So dark a green it looked black in the shade. Station wagon. 4WD. Alloy wheels. The spitting image of the black Toyota Carib that I'd used to get me around and about for much of the first year I'd been in Uganda. The car that took Eden, Chad, Megan and I up to the top of Mt Wanale for the adventure of a loud trip after rocks tore off the muffler, a superb sunset, and a hold-your-breath-moment mix-up with a circumcision party on the way back. Same car Milton and I drove all the way down to Tanzania with Eden along for a 10-day adventure that included chasing Giraffes as part of traversing much of Tarangire National Park; a long-time favourite haunt of mine.

Those warm fuzzy memories replayed as I eyed over the Te Kouma Carib resting just metres away immediately behind our wagon. It was only seeing these two right next to each other that I became suddenly aware how much my black alloy-wheeled 4WD wagon was a heck of a lot like the Carib of  fun days in Africa with Eden fame! The proverbial penny having dropped I stopped to pick it up for a look reflecting on how I'd always felt good whenever I'd browsed through the online pics of the Orthia posted on TradeMe. I'd gone back numerous times for another gander cf. any of the other 4WD wagons that were just as attractive feature and price wise. No, it wasn't a early model Carib but it had looked more like the Carib than any of the Toyota's due to it's colour and it's alloy wheels. The associations we make when we're not making them. Yet particular personality people persist pooh-poohing the possibility that their past experiences, and the good or bad emotions associated with such, have any effect on the decisions they make today. Yeah right.

Ninety-mile Beach, Northland, NZ. Jan 2011.

Mamire, Tarangire National Park, TZ. Jan 2009.
There on the green Te Kouma grass I took note how my sub-conscious played a major role in my choice of car without my (conscious) knowledge. Can't say I was shocked. Can say this insight made me glad I was already set to start Biblical Counseling studies at GTC in a couple months time. That felt right too - and 2yrs later still does. The real realization bonus however is that now it's "conscious" the good vibe associations are no longer a vague undefined feeling but actual thinkable thoughts. Meaning I can now thank God for those blessed Africa by Carib times whenever I see my Honda :)







Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Proclaimerspeak

[I gave this public testimony at church last Sunday and have edited it for our reading audience].

I've been sitting on a story too long. But recently I was reading the two bible passages Eden and I chose to have spoken over our wedding. The connections revealed there compel me to speak/write today.

Midway through last year Peter Reynolds invited us to move up to South Auckland early 2013 to proceed faster with my counseling studies and practical internship. I won't go into all the details of what such a change meant for us except to say that even change chosen for the opportunity of growth has it's painful side. It means letting go of the comfort and security of the known in exchange for the unknown. And change usually seems to mean disappointing someone. Something Eden and I both struggle with.

Anyway by the close of 2012, after months of waiting in prayer, we'd decided to take up Peter's offer. Some things were falling into place but others were still very much a mystery. God was asking us not to worry about these but to trust Him with the outcomes regardless. Easier said than done :)

Before leaving the quiet rural spot where we lived the romantic in my wife wanted us to sleep outside one night on the lawn under the stars as they are much more visible there than here. I gave in on Boxing day night but sudden heavy rain just a few hours in aborted the mission. Apparently that didn't count for Eden so on New Years Eve I decided to man up and make a real occasion of it for her.

We welcomed in the New Year with chocolate under a clear starry sky. Perfect! Except that afterwards I couldn't sleep because now that it was 2013 the unknowns about the fast-approaching shift had more bite. Enough that doubts about whether God really was with us in the move started churning up my gut. Thankfully I eventually remembered to ask God for His counsel instead of listening to myself. After making that prayer I was able to sleep.
Couple hours later I awoke suddenly but didn't bother looking out from under the covers because there was really heavy dew and mosquitos around. I was going to nod off again when I felt compelled in spirit to look out and up, like there was something I needed to see. I pushed the covers back surprised to see the most unusual skyscape. Thick cloud of one type encircled the entire horizon. It pushed in more on the sides leaving a huge oval shape directly above me. This was filled up by strange swirled stringlines of cloud. I gazed at it a long time in wonder because the likeness to a thumbprint was undeniable. Like God had reached down to leave His personal mark over my world. Unbelieveable...except that Scripture declares in

PSALM 19 “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the skys proclaim His handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge...”

Myself (Eden too, because I sure did wake her up to witness it and share my joy), I'm convinced my loving Saviour took the time to comfort my struggling heart with truth made observable. Truth that He was all over my 2013 before the sun even rose on the first day. With this perspective my fears shrank and I slept in peace under the thumbprint of my wonderful Counselor, prince of peace, mighty God, the everlasting Father. Somehow Jesus can be all these at the same time.

Which brings me to our second wedding scripture. Once again I'll just insert the first verse not the whole caboodle...

ISAIAH 62 “For the churches sake I will not keep silent, and for the churches sake I will not be quiet, until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch...”

What/who is our righteousness and salvation except Jesus Christ Himself? And He's the only one able to light the way ahead like a burning torch!

Halfway through 2013, I'm standing here to proclaim that He's blessed my family by providing beyond our hopes. All we really had to do was turn up! Follow Him :) Among other things He's provided flexible part-time work for me with a great boss, enough counseling clients that I'm 2/3 of the way through my internship hours and we've found living here easier and more enjoyable than expected. And a lot of that is thanks to His people in our new church fellowship.

In return can I encourage you to 1) remember to not panic whenever you feel like God's left you in the dark. Admit your struggles and cry out unashamedly to Him for help. He will light the way ahead in His own good time as you obey His call to follow Him. 2) let's take the opportunity to proclaim to each other our stories of God's faithfulness to us. Let's not be shy but purposeful in doing this.

Thanks for reading. Glory to God for what He's done, does and will yet do.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Four & Twenty

Sing my song quick hence
Sock to me full why?
Four and twenty years flown
Rest easy on my eye.
Back when my eye was opened
My heart began to sing
You were such a lovely dish
To set before this King.

This King is in his counseling house
Counseling you Honey;
Why his Queen hides in the parlour
Eating icecream? It’s not funny!
Made in Eden’s garden
Kids help hanging up the clothes
Down swoops Zeke on Tazara
and snaps pegs on her nose.


+HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE PIE+
 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Photo Update- featuring Tazara

Starting Yoga early!

Swim time

Me and Pooh Bear

Time with Nana!

Sharing Papa





Reading with Grand-dad


Winter Beach day!

It tastes good, you should try it!
Loving it!


Friday, June 28, 2013

Light in the Morning

Sometimes I struggle with how much to prioritize time spent in the early morning with God. I know sleep is important for functioning and when tired with young children or waking through the night with a newborn it makes it harder to get up in time for those extra precious quiet moments in the Word before the day comes marching in. 

Whether it's in the early morning, during nap time, or in the evening those meeting times with God are a rich treat and as necessary for functioning as precious sleep. I'd like to share a couple recent insights I found from those precious encounters with God's word.

I love when I find pictures and pointers to Christ all throughout the Old Testament. (Something I starting seeing lots of at Insight) In the early days of October I was reading from the book of Numbers. Numbers 30 lays out the laws about woman making vows and how the husband and fathers can make void the vow while she is in his house. These words sort of chaff against some of my unconscious thoughts from our feminist culture. I think Abba gave these commands partly because in order to have peace and order someone needs to have the final say so if a wife or daughter makes a vow the husband or father is not happy about he can undo it. But maybe also this is a beautiful analogy of what God does as our Husband and Father. The passage talks about a woman making a binding oath to afflict herself. (vs.13) Each of us afflicts ourselves by sinning and thus are bound by law to death but Christ intervened and nullifies our word and our sin so that we don't need to suffer the affliction we've brought upon our own self. Verse 15: "But if he makes them null and void..then he shall bear her iniquity." Thank you Lord for speaking on my behalf, bearing my iniquity and rescuing me from the mess I've made for myself. These laws apply to the woman who is in her fathers house...if she is divorced or widowed her own words bind her. (vs.9) Thus, while I'm with Abba my Father his words protect me but if I leave the authority and protection of my Heavenly Father than my own words condemn me.

Another reflection: 
After a battle against Midian, Eleazar the priest tells the men God's law regarding purification. Numbers 31:23 "..everything that can stand the fire [gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin and lead] you shall pass through the fire, and it shall be clean. Nevertheless, it shall also be purified with the water for impurity. And whatever cannot stand the fire, you shall pass through the water." Abba, I want to be purified completely but I cannot withstand the fire of hell so you've washed me with the water of baptism. Christ alone is pure and perfect enough to withstand the flame and He did and yet still he was baptized to fulfill the whole law. You kept Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego from burning in the fiery furnace and you can preserve each of your own from burning in the flames. Thank you Abba! You are holy and good!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

How can I stretch THANK YOU for a Super Man?



The kids are tantruming and I'm not sure what to do for Father's day tomorrow. All my idea's I've left for too late but my husband definitely deserves a badge or something! Last week I went ice-skating with the Reformed crowd while Andrew stayed home with the chillins. It was super fun but I fell once and hurt my arm. All week it's been in a half-caste and Andrew has done all nappy changing and lifting the kids in and out of cots, high chairs, car seats and stroller!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Being a Mum is hard...


Today Tazara got her heal pricked. They squeezed her little foot for about 15 minutes to get enough blood to fill a tube. I held her tight stroking her distressed little red cheek. I told her “you'll be alright baby. Mama's got you. It will be okay. It will be over soon love...”
Zeke scrapes his knee. I give it a kiss and tell him it will get all better. But will it? The falls are from higher heights and the scrapes are deeper.
I wish I could scoop my babies up and keep them from all harm. I wish I could tell them it will be alright. That they're safe and secure and I'll take care of them.
But will it? Will it be all better? Will all their pain go away? Will they be safe and secure and cared for? There's bullying and falling and crashing and anger and violence and sin and messiness... Try as I might to shield my children they will still get their fair share of hurt and heart ache.
Each time I'm upset with a pricked conscious or a scraped heart I run to Abba and find shelter and refuge and a hiding place under the shallow of His wings. He cuddles me and tells me it will be alright and that I'll be all better.... And the wonderful thing is it's actually true! The words I long to hear when my heart is breaking, the words I want to tell my children when their tears are streaming are true when spoken from the Lord Almighty. He will set all things right. He will wipe away every tear. It will be over soon. He will fight for and protect his babies! He will make all things new. He will restore what's broken. He will defeat sin and sickness forever.

I don't know about you but sometimes being a Mama in this crazy big bad scary world freaks me out. His words give hope! They give rest!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A First Sentence Story

This story has been in my drafts for a couple months. With Zeke turning two today I thought it's as good a day as any to post it. I feel so privileged and blessed to be a Mama to this little guy.

Zeke's first sentence "no nurse" deserves a story. I hesitate because a few might be shocked to find I still nurse Zeke at nearly two. It's a topic I've given a lot of thought to in the last couple years.

In New Zealand there's been a recent shift back to breastfeeding as more and more research is uncovering health-benefits for baby as well as Mum. These health benefits make sense to me but there is more to it. God seems to always have great purpose behind the things he does, some that we can see and some that we can't. It's meaningful and significant to me that an infant needs to be fed every 2-3hours, even through the night. This feeding is done by the mother, giving of herself, her time, her energy, her love. You can't be much closer than being held in the arms, embraced and fed both physically and emotionally. While holding and nursing your baby it's only natural to look into their eyes and speak words of adoration and love. Life is nurtured through love. If you don't mind following me on my train of thought....why is there so much brokenness? Many people seem unable to love nowadays - like they don't know how to let someone into their heart, be close to and give of themselves for another. Could it be that one of the reasons is they lacked this fundamental closeness and love as a baby? Learning what it feels like to be deeply loved and held and known. What a loving God to create such a nurturing and loving environment for a helpless baby to be born into. And what does this teach us about ourselves as God's little ones? God as our Father has stamped his image on both the male and the female so we can see both masculine and feminine attributes of his character embodied here on earth.







 And now for the story. When Tazara was born Zeke grew especially attached to the one on one time he gets with Mama through nursing before bed and when he wakes up. When Andrew or I greet him in the morning he stands up in his crib and with a serious expression says "nurse!" If you side track him with changing or other he gets increasingly more urgent sounding. He plays happily and entertains himself throughout the day but when he's especially tired or upset or just wants some attention he'll ask to nurse. I often have to tell him that it's not time to nurse but that I'll read him a book or do something else with him. In the last couple weeks, especially around the five o'clock hour, which can be particularly trying for all of us, he'll often find a book (after giving up on being held or played with), sit himself on his stool, and say to himself "no nurse." Every so often I hear him in the next room reinforcing to himself that it's not time to nurse. It's a little pathetic really and it makes me want to scoop him up in a hug but it's also just so precious and cute! Andrew says he'll have to capture it on video to flaunt at Zeke's 21st.

Have you ever thought about how dependent a human baby is? Many animals are quick to walk but our babes come to us so defenseless and needy. Doesn't God know that mothers are busy and tired? Yes. But perhaps that's why nursing is something only the mother can do. My own Mum was busy with 10 kids, home schooling and gardening and yet she seemed to welcome the break every three hours to sit down, put feet up and dote on the new little person entrusted to her.

It's hard to believe our son is turning two! Zeke's growing into a confident and tender little man. He's getting really good at climbing and jumping. He's learning how to play with Tazara without injuring her. He likes to make her laugh. He loves reading books. He's got lots more exciting and challenging growing, changing and learning ahead. He's got a Papa and Mama that are proud of him and love him to pieces. A sister that adores him. And lots of family and friends to cheer him on.