Melt Down - Mine and Abrielle's

Abrielle's been a trooper! Spanning continents on the very day of her first toddling steps. Maryland to New Zealand. Summer to winter. Day to night. She's braved the whole adventure really well and only picked up a small winter bug.

After about eight days back in New Zealand. Andrew was out at a Christian Counselors of NZ gathering. Zeke and Taz were in bed at Nana and Grand-dads. And Abrielle and I were in the unit together. She was happily crawling around and playing until about 8pm. As she started getting a little fussy I began preparing her for bed like any other evening. Only this night her fussiness turned to crying and then out of control screaming. I tried calming her down. I tried letting her cry it out in bed thinking her just over tired. I decided I didn't want her to be alone in her distress so I held her and spoke consoling words to her, she thrashed around and pushed away in confusion. I told her she was safe and mama's here and I'm not going anywhere. I don't think she has any idea what's going on in her little body, heart and head but if she could verbalize I wonder if she'd say " where's my bed in the pink alcove and where's Grandma and uncle Joe, Pop-pop and my loving Aunties? Where's my high chair in the corner of the kitchen and the bustling house of people that cherish me. Over night she'd lost them all and has no idea why or how or where they've gone. The surroundings, the weather, even the time of day is all completely new to her. Her hard out crying got me going for a while. Thinking about all her little body and heart is coping with and all the people we won't see in a long while. A place so familiar and so far away. Have we come home or left home?

Andrew got back and she wanted him. A familiar and loving presence. She settled down for a while and then she wanted me. I took her into the bedroom and laid down exhausted. She crawled up and laid her soft little face on my cheek and forehead, completely relaxed. I could hear her precious wee heart saying " I still don't know where the heck my home is. But your face looks pretty darn familiar and I feel pretty safe with you so I guess I'll rest right here for a while."

My heart echo's the same cry. God, could I get that close to you. Sometimes sitting in your lap just isn't close enough. Could I span the distance and rest my head on your cheek. The world is big and people far. I look at your face and I've found home. In your eyes I know where I belong.