Taz down on the Farm II

Down on the Farm with Taz.

I've been working on Dad's farm the last couple days filling in for his contract milker who is taking a 3-day holiday. The kids have been getting out with me a bit. If I'd have known Taz was gonna grab her morning snack with the calves instead of at home I'd have brought along a better camera than my cheap Huawei cellphone. But anyway, enjoy the show(s)!

26

Twenty-six years this Earth has known

Of a pure flower by our Lord sown

This Beauty He called to mourn and groan

A world forgetting tis not its own.

Into such wisdom you have grown

Because to prayer your spirit's prone.

To wife and mothers station blown

By making Abba's will your own.

Now you tend wee lambs that moan

If they don't get an icecream cone

Sometimes on and on they drone

These Eden's joys we call our own.

;~pikipikipoet

Lessons through tears

A page from my journal last week:

I thought I wasn't afraid of redoing the last birth experience. But I'd taken measures to insure things will be different this time. A different midwife. I'll gain less weight to ensure baby is smaller. I'll have an early baby instead of going a week overdue...

On the last leg of the journey my measures are failing. The last couple weeks with strong contractions (braxton hicks) at night and through the long days I'm reminded of the feelings of Tazara's pregnancy and delivery. Nights of awkward sleep, endless off and on contractions, dreams and nightmares, anxieties about tedious complicated labours. Despite heavy dieting I'm now right where I was with the other two pregnancies. Grasping for control I thought castor oil at 38 weeks would be a good option to push me over the edge and into fruitful labour but my midwife has canceled that option.

I might go early. I might go late. I might have a big baby or a small one. I might tear horribly and need transfusions. I might have a smooth and simply delivery. Posterier? Ceasarean? Life? Death? - mine? babies? is completely out of my control. 

And completely in God's hands. 

Is God loving and good? 

Yes! 

Was He loving and good two and a half years ago? 

Though my prayers weren't answered and I was terrified by pain and life's edge? 

Yes.

Do I have lots to be thankful for. 

Yes. 

Do I understand why it was so hard or why He didn't take better care of me? 

No. 

Can I trust Him?

Yes! 

Will it be better this time (or perhaps worse)?

I don't know. 

Peace that surpasses understanding. 

I don't have to know because I know God's heart towards me is love. 

When I pass through fire or through water He'll be right there with me. I wouldn't be consumed or overcome by them because He is over all. My soul rests secure. 

Five to go.

Less than five weeks until due date. Zeke's fourth birthday is around the corner. The anniversary of Andrew's and my eventful canoe ride down the river five years ago is coming up too! The sun's been shining warm and bright after the first two frosts of the year. Bit by bit the cleaning and organizing I was hoping to get to is getting crossed off the list. Surprizingly my back pain has lessoned (slightly) even with this baby girl making her presence known far and wide.

I obsess about healthy eating. I imagine where and when and how baby might come to us. I dream about life and relationships with a new little person in our home. So many good and right and necessary distractions/blessings but don't let me forget my first Love. The One who formed by body, fashioned my life, joined Andrew and me together, thought up our family, knits the details together and day by day the Lifter of my head. My strength in weary hours. My hope when tears come easy. My refuge when I need a hiding place. My Creator when I don't see the skies.

I find great fulfillment and meaning in beholding and mothering little people. I find love and significance in the romance and companionship of marriage. I delight in the beauty and blessings of friendship. But all of it would be empty and meaningless without You. The things that get me worked up and anxious disapate when I behold your glory and honor. I'm blown away by your delight. I find the place where I belong and the One I belong to. I can't be a mother without being taken care of by you. I can't love or be loved as a wife unless you teach me the way of love. Friendship has no meaning until You define it. Keep my eyes and heart centered on You.