Giving Thanks for God's Faithfulness

Kia Ora! Welcome to my first post on my wife's fabulous blog that she's invited me to be a part of. With special greetings to my family in Maryland and the Eastern USA here goes then...

Today isn't thanksgiving here in NZ, but it is in our home because my wife is American. So I'm setting to write to God's glory a Thanksgiving story of His blessing me most wonderfully. Other suitable occasions such as the announcement of our pregnancy about a year ago, Zeke's birth in June, or my 45^th birthday just last week have come and gone with this story in my mind wanting to be aired. I'm no longer willing to let other things distract me from testifying to the power of God in my life.

Just over four years ago (Sept 2007) after breaking off a relationship with a good Christian woman I'd met a year earlier, I wasn't in such a cheerful state. The previous few months had seen me come under the growing conviction that my Lord wanted me to focus on following up harder the opportunity currently before me of serving Him in Uganda. My girlfriend, a divorcee a tad older than me, had commitments in NZ which meant she would not be free to leave NZ for at least a few years yet. Advice from various good friends differed but the majority thought I ought to commit to pursuing a good marriage and then let the Lord work out how and when He would take us to an overseas mission field somewhere down the line.

I appreciated the care and sense in their words but despite that never felt at peace with that approach. I needed to hear from the Lord more clearly. So I'd been on my knees a lot praying hard and honestly to Him while during the same time working through a daily 12-week study course on biblical spiritual guidance. By the time I was ¾ of the way through God had revealed to me that He wanted me to forsake the relationship and prepare myself for His call to work in Uganda. It wasn't an easy break but a decision really was needed as it wasn't emotionally healthy me keeping us in limbo any longer. So we parted ways wishing the best for each other despite the pain of sadness.

As for the future my mind knew God, being God, could bring His woman for me to me in Uganda from anywhere in the world but my heart was struggling to believe due to my heading towards possible permanent bachelorhood in the likely romantic desert of Africa. But one day, while shuffling along in steeling my resolve to cope with whatever obedience to God would mean for my future, I spied something not seen for many years.

I was visiting my parents and saw Mum had found an old book of mine so she'd put it out in the hallway for me to collect when I next came by. Having never read the book I decided I would as it'd be a good distraction for my mind at this time. 'Where Flies Don't Land' by Jerry Graham turned out to be an excellent tale recounting how his wayward life of trouble with drug addiction was used by God to bring him to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ resulting in a new life filled with hope and purpose.

The book was a Christmas gift from Dad & Mum to me when I was 13yrs old and about to start high school. At the time it was such a disappointing present and not because I didn't love books. I did! No, Dad didn't do the Christmas shopping and we had a good open talking relationship so I knew this was Mum's idea, her way of warning me about how I would wreck my life if I was a foolish boy. I felt like Mum really didn't know my heart. Just give him a bad news/good news book to scare him off bad behaviour. I had no interest in drugs or trying to hang with the 'cool' crowd if that's what they did. A couple of incidents on my way through primary school should have convinced Mum I'd stand for my beliefs whatever the odds. So I read the blurb on the back but had never opened the cover.

I enjoyed reading Jerrys' story over the next few days and really felt for the guy as I've not been in his shoes but I'd managed to expertly fill my own with too much heartbreak. Anyway God did a job on his heart and he starts getting his life together at age 40 after a total of 15yrs locked up. Despite his immediate past he finds to his amazement he is loved by a beautiful godly young woman half his age. They marry and God blesses them with a son. The God of 'too much'! And that's exactly when my heavenly Father spoke into my spirit. His Holy Spirit whispered “Andrew, that will be you!” I heard this whisper clearly, it was not audible but I knew it was God who had spoke to my spiritual ears. But then unbelief barged in wanting me to deny it, wanting to protect myself from a hope that might be dashed if I dared believe in it being possible. Yeah, perhaps it was just my own wishful thinking playing on the fact that I was right now a 40yr old man with a failed marriage in his past exactly like Jerry himself had been back then.

Suddenly desperate for the Word of God I headed for my bible thinking I'd read Proverbs chapter 20 as I didn't have a particular scripture in mind and it was the 20^th of the month so that was a good enough place to start. Only, as my hand reached out, I heard that same clear voice say in/to my spirit “read Psalm 20 instead”. So I did. There the Lord seemed to be saying He would grant me the desires of my heart, answer my prayers, that He regarded with favour my sacrifices - my refusing to take the short cuts that the world preaches as the answer to our otherwise good desires.

That was very meaningful and I thanked God for the new hope He was giving me. But over the next months when nothing had eventuated in the romantic relationship department I showed my impatience and lack of faith by becoming involved with another good woman, once again slightly older than me, that I met through common Christian circles overseas. We hit it off intellectually and spiritually and after some months the time came when we needed to meet in person to progress in knowing whether we'd have a future together or not.

I prayed some weeks over inviting her over and set a deadline for my decision which I shared with God. Only He was totally silent so at the deadline I decided to go for it anyway and she came on out to NZ. She had mission experience in Africa, wanted more and got on fabulously with me and everyone important to me. But to cut what could be a long story short I felt like I was pushing against a wall every time I considered commiting to her in any way above friendship. We had so much that made sense going for us that I kept on trying to make it work too long and hurt her by trying not to do just that. I was still fumbling the ball when I left for Uganda having confused myself into a bind with to much second-guessing myself. Anyway over there with time and space to think I learnt that my heart wasn't in it. I knew that before I met Eden, but meeting her absolutely confirmed it. But, having not trusted God to act on His word in His timing and not having a journal to reread in those days, I'd totally forgotten about God's word to me. But He hadn't :)

We have more stories of God actively working during what happened between Eden and I from when we met in October 2008 until we married nearly 2yrs later but I'll save them for another time. For now I'll leave you with the other incident that pertains exactly to the thankfulness I'm expressing today. It happened on Dec 10^th, 2009 when I'd been spending some morning hours with God thanking Him for my growing relationship with Eden and pondering what was to come, especially as I'd just booked flights back to Uganda via Maryland so I could spend two weeks with Eden and her family over the coming New Year holiday season before she returned to Stony Glen near Madison, Ohio for the final semester of her 'INSIGHT' course studies there. Anyway, while praying God had gotten serious and called me out by asking me to be really honest with Him about what personal hopes for the future I had as a man. I'd finally confessed to Him that yes I really did hope to be not just a husband but also a father to a child, and to be truthful; more than one and yes while I'm being vulnerable with my heart I might as well say I really do want a son. I even said it out loud. It was kind of a healing in some way.

That might sound weird to some of you, the prior reluctance to state plainly what I truly desired. But when a man has had his dreams for a happy family life crushed against his will once already it is hard and risky to dream again. Add to that more than a few years of hearing some well-intentioned members of my friends and family advising me not to be too picky, that I'd better accept that it was probably too late now to ever realise such dreams. That does wear one down some. But God had been showing me that He delights in His adopted sons, that we don't deserve His wonderful gifts doesn't change His love, it just proves it the more. So I was able to tell God my heart's desire knowing He was sovereign over all and that whatever He gave me, or not, would be the absolute best for me.

Anyway, the morning of the 10th I was about to follow my current reading plan by opening at Psalm 10 when I felt a very strong compulsion in my spirit to read Psalm 110 instead. I did, and not because I could remember it's contents. Sadly my scripture knowledge isn't that good.

The Lord says to my Lord:
"Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies
a footstool for your feet."
The Lord will extend your mighty sceptre from Zion;
you will rule in the midst of your enemies.
Your troops will be willing on your day of battle.
Arrayed in holy majesty,
from the womb of the dawn
you will receive the dew of your youth.
The Lord has sworn and will not change his mind...

The whole psalm is cool but I was drawn to vs.3 and towards praying that I would be the willing soldier on the day of battle (every day, but perhaps especially some ultimate day as Eden had emailed me about recently re: martyrs in Islamic lands).
Then I saw the phrase 'womb of the dawn' and recalled the chinese name interpretation Eden had once told me her name meant and how 'dawn' has come up in regard to her a couple other times. And I thought of Edens love of children and her spoken desire to bear them someday. Then I looked at the footnote in my bible for 'you will receive the dew of your youth' and the alternate translation is 'your young men will come to you like the dew'. And this just seconds after I had finally confessed to God that yes, I do want to have my own wife AND kids – especially a son/s.

One year later we're married 3.5mths and my wife's carrying a 9wk old baby. We hadn't been going to find out its gender until delivery but because so many were foretelling it would be a girl we decided to end the speculation as I knew in my heart it was a boy and was saying so (if asked). After all, every other detail had panned out as God had told me despite my interfering unbelief.

Our young man has come to us from the womb of my beautiful 'dawn' who, right now, is half my age just as my Heavenly Father spoke by His Spirit in 2007. My God has proven once again faithful to His word even when I'm not. All thanks and praise to you Abba Father the Lord God Most High from this “Man loved by God”.

My God is infinite and yet also personal. This is what baffles people about true Christianity. They can't believe it. Our natural minds can't conceive of God being both at the same time. But I know Him to be so through the testimonies of many people recorded in His infallible Word, the Holy Scriptures we know as the 'Bible'. I also know this to be true by experience. God is so all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present He can organise every detail of my life. Even down to getting my Mum to buy me a book I won't read until years later when He's arranged to use it to prepare me for His personal word of hope to His undeserving but much-loved Son. And this is just one story...

Thank you Abba for my amazing wee family and that Eden, Zeke & I are part of your wonderful worldwide family!



P.S.  God had the other two women mentioned happily married to good men better suited to them long before I was engaged. Also pretty cool how God has me now helping men with histories like that author Jerry with reintegrating into community life after prison. I sure didn't see that coming Lord. But I relish the work.)

God, my home address has changed....

 God has felt distant for quite some time, perhaps especially since June when precious Zeke arrived. I've felt an ache in the void. Under my breathe I whisper 'God I miss you.' I've wondered if sin is keeping me from him. I've wondered if I haven't been seeking him diligently. I feel discouraged and very jealous of those close with God. I started apologizing in prayer for every sin and short-coming I could think of. The chorus of petitions became almost constant throughout my quiet day. My heart felt beaten down, tired, lonely, discouraged and still distant.

Like a treasure hunt, I've been finding hints, one by one, of why my soul has found itself in such a state. One hint I found the other night as I was journaling and reflecting on God's and my relationship. I used to be very good at finding God in the quiet. I'd meet with him in the peaceful open field down past the park. I'd feel His presence in the still quiet night. I'd wait for the kiss and the embrace of my soul.

Life has changed in the last year and a half. I've become one with a man. We two became three. I'm rarely alone. My time is not my own. My head and my hands stay happily busy thinking of and tending to the needs and desires of my Man and my baby. I can get away and find quiet now and then but the people that fill my heart follow me there. The change is good and God has brought it about but I need to learn to find God in the noise. He hasn't lost me though I might not be skilled at finding him a midst a new back-drop. I recognized him in the quiet alone but now I need to know what He looks like in the midst of these new sights and sounds. It comforts my soul to know that He is still watching over me. He still delights in me. He is still near. He hasn't gone anywhere. I get distracted, He does not.

I praise God for the ache and the void because it causes me to savor and treasure the sweet fellowship of His wonderful presence. These days I'm reminded He is God as I play with Zeke on the floor and hear his sweet giggles.I feel His presence as I listen to the New Testament while preparing lunch. I feel his delight in me when Andrew comes home in the evening and embraces me. Thank you Lord!

"...I will never leave you, nor forsake you." "Behold I am with you always... "

Here, There and Everywhere....

I wish I could sketch out our visit to Maryland, it would truely be a beautiful painting to behold! I've deemed the endeavor near impossible....but, for fun, I might try my hand at just the first couple hours...

Our eyes eagerly scanned faces as our tired feet dragged us through the airport security sliding doors. Before even making it out the door I spotted baby Eden in Heidi's arms. The distance between us quickly evaporated as I rushed towards Heidi and Kendra. Randy, Naphtali and Niko were scrambling in and around the quad-stroller and little Christianna nestled peacefully in Kendra's arms. We soon heard that the rest of the family was stranded ten miles from the airport. The very last trip of our faithful 18-year-old Howard family Ford Van (although we tossed up ideas for years the van never received a proper name :). Kendra had come from her home in Baltimore and Heidi from the Carrozza's. We rode with Kendra while Heidi went to rescue the family. Seemed very surreal riding in the van with Kendra. My first time meeting three of the five little ones now residing in her loving heart. Baby Eden entered the family in January and little Niko and Christianna are foster babies that Jesse and Kendra hope to adopt. The road from the airport dragged on longer than usually as I sat perched in the back ready to spring out of my seat the moment the house came into view.

The van came to a stop. The kitchen door flew open. Loved ones swarmed the van. Andrew, in the front seat was first to be attacked. With six car-seats in front of me, I choose the back route out over the stroller and luggage. Andrew teasingly sought to detain the mob of sisters from getting to me. Finally, after the longest second of my life, I managed to get the back door open. My body followed my head out the door into a pile of Emily, Katrina, Kirstie, Jenny and Melody. Seth, Joseph, Joli and her brood of ducklings followed close behind. I've sometimes feared that I'll enthusiastically scoop up one of my beloved nieces or nephews only to have them squeal with fright as they look up at a stranger. Somehow, I think even the real little ones catch on quickly that all the commotion and excitement is over people that belong and we love very much. It also probably helps to have seven sisters that share many of the same features. :) Mama and Papa arrived shortly after we made it inside. Poor Zeke was exhausted from a grueling 30 hour trip. He soaked up all the attention and in moments his happy little charming self was back. Yummy plates were passed as freely as hugs and laughter. The room buzzed with a dozen happy voices and my heart felt as peaceful and delighted as a bright summers day. The clock spoke a late hour and I knew our bodies must be tired after two sleepless days but I somehow felt full of life and wished the night wouldn't come to a close for some time yet.

Flying and Things

My seven SPECTACULAR sisters and me! :)

Crossing between two worlds in just 30 hours. So richly surrounded by loved ones in both. Ever so normal and comfortable to be there. Feeling quite comfy and at home here now too.

It was a smooth flight back. Zeke slept soundly in his bassinet and a couple sleeping pills aided Andrew in getting some much needed rest. From my quiet spot I gazed out the window at a galaxy of stars. Fire flies asleep in the sky, just far enough away for the plane to sail through without disturbing. The beauty and quiet allowed my mind some sweet reflection as my thoughts sought to catch up with time zooming by transporting us from one continent to another.

I haven't touched my blog in over a month. It's been refreshing ignoring the computer. I've found my brain less cluttered and more able to really live in the now; soaking up the moments. A little over a month ago I happened upon flights that matched the figure in our prayer book so we jumped at the chance to fly for a month to Maryland. September 27-October 25. I'd been feeling rather dry and empty for a while and I prayed that this vacation would refresh my relationship with Abba and revive my spirit. What a gift it is to have sisters and a family that know and love you deeply and are so filled up with Christ that just being around them ministers to your soul. When we landed in Maryland I thought I'd never be able to leave. I laughed so much and found such sweet connection with those I learned to talk and walk and laugh and cry amidst.
However I found that I've grown accustomed to the life, people, and my family in New Zealand. The bitterness of saying goodbye was mixed with a sweet anticipation of seeing each NZ family member and friend again and applying the new things I've learned to my life here in NZ. Sometimes it's painful for the heart to grow, taking in new people to love and cherish. But to not grow is to die. At moments in the past year when I've tried to seal off my heart and not open it to a new life in New Zealand I feel something inside me die. No, in Christ I will embrace life as he's gifted it to me with heart wide open and arms outstretched. As the plane neared the coast of Sydney and then New Zealand the sun began to rise and an excitement rose within me at the beauty and splendor of this country God's placed me in.

I woke up this morning, climbed into slippers and found my three Loves' sitting and socializing in the lounge. (GOD, Andrew and Zeke) It's a beautiful morning! :)