Kia Ora! Welcome to my first post on my wife's fabulous blog that she's invited me to be a part of. With special greetings to my family in Maryland and the Eastern USA here goes then...
Today isn't thanksgiving here
in NZ, but it is in our home because my wife is American. So I'm
setting to write to God's glory a Thanksgiving story of His blessing me most
wonderfully. Other suitable occasions such as the announcement of our
pregnancy about a year ago, Zeke's birth in June, or my 45th
birthday just last week have come and gone with this story in my mind
wanting to be aired. I'm no longer willing to let other things distract me
from testifying to the power of God in my life.
Just over four years ago (Sept 2007) after
breaking off a relationship with a good Christian woman I'd met a
year earlier, I wasn't in such a cheerful state. The previous few
months had seen me come under the growing conviction that my Lord
wanted me to focus on following up harder the opportunity currently before me of
serving Him in Uganda. My girlfriend, a divorcee a tad older than me,
had commitments in NZ which meant she would not be free to leave NZ
for at least a few years yet. Advice from various good friends
differed but the majority thought I ought to commit to pursuing a
good marriage and then let the Lord work out how and when He would
take us to an overseas mission field somewhere down the line.
I appreciated the care and
sense in their words but despite that never felt at peace with that approach.
I needed to hear from the Lord more clearly. So I'd been on my knees
a lot praying hard and honestly to Him while during the same time
working through a daily 12-week study course on biblical spiritual
guidance. By the time I was ¾ of the way through God had revealed to
me that He wanted me to forsake the relationship and prepare myself
for His call to work in Uganda. It wasn't an easy break but a decision really was needed as it
wasn't emotionally healthy me keeping us in limbo any longer. So we
parted ways wishing the best for each other despite the pain of sadness.
As for the future my mind
knew God, being God, could bring His woman for me to me in Uganda
from anywhere in the world but my heart was struggling to believe due
to my heading towards possible permanent bachelorhood in the likely
romantic desert of Africa. But one day, while shuffling along in steeling my resolve to cope with whatever obedience to
God would mean for my future, I spied something not seen for many
years.
I was visiting my parents and
saw Mum had found an old book of mine so she'd put it out in the
hallway for me to collect when I next came by. Having never read the
book I decided I would as it'd be a good distraction for my mind at
this time. 'Where Flies Don't Land' by Jerry Graham turned out to be
an excellent tale recounting how his wayward life of trouble with
drug addiction was used by God to bring him to repentance and faith
in Jesus Christ resulting in a new life filled with hope and purpose.
The book was a Christmas gift
from Dad & Mum to me when I was 13yrs old and about to start
high school. At the time it was such a
disappointing present and not because I didn't love books. I did! No,
Dad didn't do the Christmas shopping and we had a good open talking
relationship so I knew this was Mum's idea, her way of warning me
about how I would wreck my life if I was a foolish boy. I
felt like Mum really didn't know my heart. Just give him a bad news/good news book to scare him off bad behaviour. I had no
interest in drugs or trying to hang with the 'cool' crowd if that's
what they did. A couple of incidents on my way through
primary school should have convinced Mum I'd stand for my beliefs
whatever the odds. So I read the blurb on the back but had never
opened the cover.
I enjoyed reading Jerrys' story over the next few days and really felt for the guy as I've not
been in his shoes but I'd managed to expertly fill my own with too
much heartbreak. Anyway God did a job on his heart and he starts
getting his life together at age 40 after a total of 15yrs locked up.
Despite his immediate past he finds to his amazement he is loved by a
beautiful godly young woman half his age. They marry and God blesses
them with a son. The God of 'too much'! And that's exactly when my
heavenly Father spoke into my spirit. His Holy Spirit whispered
“Andrew, that will be you!” I heard this whisper clearly, it was
not audible but I knew it was God who had spoke to my spiritual ears.
But then unbelief barged in wanting me to deny it, wanting to protect
myself from a hope that might be dashed if I dared believe in it
being possible. Yeah, perhaps it was just my own wishful thinking
playing on the fact that I was right now a 40yr old man with a failed
marriage in his past exactly like Jerry himself had been back then.
Suddenly desperate for the Word
of God I headed for my bible thinking I'd read Proverbs chapter 20 as
I didn't have a particular scripture in mind and it was the 20th
of the month so that was a good enough place to start. Only, as my
hand reached out, I heard that same clear voice say in/to my spirit
“read Psalm 20 instead”. So I did. There the Lord seemed to be saying
He would grant me the desires of my heart, answer my prayers, that He
regarded with favour my sacrifices - my refusing to take the short
cuts that the world preaches as the answer to our otherwise good
desires.
That was very meaningful and I
thanked God for the new hope He was giving me. But over the next
months when nothing had eventuated in the romantic relationship
department I showed my impatience and lack of faith by becoming
involved with another good woman, once again slightly older than me,
that I met through common Christian circles overseas. We hit it off
intellectually and spiritually and after some months the time came when we
needed to meet in person to progress in knowing whether we'd have
a future together or not.
I prayed some weeks over
inviting her over and set a deadline for my decision which I shared
with God. Only He was totally silent so at the deadline I decided to
go for it anyway and she came on out to NZ. She had mission
experience in Africa, wanted more and got on fabulously with me and everyone
important to me. But to cut what could be a long story short I felt
like I was pushing against a wall every time I considered commiting
to her in any way above friendship. We had so much that made sense
going for us that I kept on trying to make it work too long and hurt
her by trying not to do just that. I was still fumbling the ball when
I left for Uganda having confused myself into a bind with to much
second-guessing myself. Anyway over there with time and space to think I learnt that my heart
wasn't in it. I knew that before I met Eden, but meeting her
absolutely confirmed it. But, having not trusted God to act on His word in His timing and not having a journal to reread in those days, I'd totally forgotten about God's word to me. But He hadn't :)
We have more stories of God
actively working during what happened between Eden and I
from when we met in October 2008 until we married nearly 2yrs later but I'll save
them for another time. For now I'll leave you with the other
incident that pertains exactly to the thankfulness I'm expressing today. It happened on Dec
10th, 2009 when I'd been spending some morning hours with God thanking Him for my growing relationship with Eden and pondering what was
to come, especially as I'd just booked flights back to Uganda via
Maryland so I could spend two weeks with Eden and her family
over the coming New Year holiday season before she returned to Stony Glen near Madison, Ohio for the final semester of her 'INSIGHT' course studies there. Anyway, while praying God had gotten serious and called me out by asking
me to be really honest with Him about what personal hopes for the
future I had as a man. I'd finally confessed to Him that yes I really did hope to be not just a husband but also a father to a
child, and to be truthful; more than one and yes while I'm being
vulnerable with my heart I might as well say I really do want a
son. I even said it out loud. It was kind of a healing in some way.
That might sound weird to some
of you, the prior reluctance to state plainly what I truly desired. But
when a man has had his dreams for a happy family life crushed against
his will once already it is hard and risky to dream again. Add to
that more than a few years of hearing some well-intentioned members
of my friends and family advising me not to be too picky, that I'd
better accept that it was probably too late now to ever realise such
dreams. That does wear one down some. But God had been showing me
that He delights in His adopted sons, that we don't deserve His
wonderful gifts doesn't change His love, it just proves it the more. So I was able to tell God my
heart's desire knowing He was sovereign over all and that whatever He
gave me, or not, would be the absolute best for me.
Anyway, the morning of the
10th I was about to follow my current reading plan by opening at
Psalm 10 when I felt a very strong compulsion in my spirit to read Psalm 110 instead. I
did, and not because I could remember it's contents. Sadly my scripture knowledge isn't that good.
The Lord says to my
Lord:
"Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies
a
footstool for your feet."
The Lord will extend your mighty
sceptre from Zion;
you will rule in the midst of your
enemies.
Your troops will be willing on your day of
battle.
Arrayed in holy majesty,
from the womb of the dawn
you
will receive the dew of your youth.
The Lord has sworn and will
not change his mind...
The whole psalm is cool but I
was drawn to vs.3 and towards praying that I would be the willing
soldier on the day of battle (every day, but perhaps especially some
ultimate day as Eden had emailed me about recently re:
martyrs in Islamic lands).
Then I saw the phrase 'womb of the dawn' and recalled
the chinese name interpretation Eden had once told me her name meant
and how 'dawn' has come up in regard to her a couple other times. And I thought of Edens love of children and her spoken
desire to bear them someday. Then I looked at the footnote in my
bible for 'you will receive the dew of your youth' and the alternate
translation is 'your young men will come to you like the dew'. And
this just seconds after I had finally confessed to God that yes, I do want to
have my own wife AND kids – especially a son/s.
One year later we're married
3.5mths and my wife's carrying a 9wk old baby. We hadn't been going
to find out its gender until delivery but because so many were
foretelling it would be a girl we decided to end the speculation as I
knew in my heart it was a boy and was saying so (if asked). After all, every other detail had
panned out as God had told me despite my interfering unbelief.
Our young man has come to us
from the womb of my beautiful 'dawn' who, right now, is half my age
just as my Heavenly Father spoke by His Spirit in 2007. My God has
proven once again faithful to His word even when I'm not. All thanks
and praise to you Abba Father the Lord God Most High from this “Man
loved by God”.
My God is infinite and yet also
personal. This is what baffles people about true Christianity. They
can't believe it. Our natural minds can't conceive of God being both
at the same time. But I know Him to be so through the testimonies of many people recorded in His
infallible Word, the Holy Scriptures we know as the 'Bible'. I also know this to be true by
experience. God is so all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present He can organise every detail of my life. Even down to getting my Mum
to buy me a book I won't read until years later when He's arranged to
use it to prepare me for His personal word of hope to His
undeserving but much-loved Son. And this is just one story...
Thank you Abba for my amazing wee family and that Eden, Zeke & I are part of your wonderful worldwide family!
P.S. God
had the other two women mentioned happily married to good men better suited to
them long before I was engaged. Also pretty cool how God has me now helping men with histories like that author Jerry with reintegrating
into community life after prison. I sure didn't see that coming Lord.
But I relish the work.)
