Samwise Jam Glee

Finally, over three years later, payback heals an itch.

A couple weeks ago I'd been booked in to run a 7pm Auckland airport pickup earlier this evening by my ever-organizing-others nephew Sam. All good, we were happy to help him with his plans. It was good to see him last Wednesday over a cuppa when he left his car here before catching a ride down to the farm, and then a couple days later on to Palmerston North, with mum. She'd been here doing her weekly visit with her youngest grandkids; our Zeke & Tazara.

Sam has always been interesting to talk to since he first started conversing around twenty years ago so I was looking forward to whatever time I got with him. We might even get more if he stayed for the dinner Eden was planning to rustle up for him as, due to the timing of his flight from Palmy, we figured he'd not have had dinner. My nephews all possess fantastic appetites so chances were good he'd comply.

During our 3pm post-Sunday afternoon nap cuppa I had a sudden inspiration and mentioned to Eden how I wished I could turn up at the airport in Sam's car with a big fake dent in it. Yes she agreed, something like that would be fun given the pranks he pulls on both the wary and the un so. Of course this reminded us of the prank on us at my sister Helen's farm when Eden and I were yet only mere days engaged on her introductory trip to NZ in June 2010. Yeah, we ourselves have never personally made amends for that (despite the gallant efforts of others on our behalf - kudos to my sis-in-law Jenny for her efforts in Jan 2011 though) so be good to put this affair to rest.

Hmm, I could soon tape up a fake bust rear window I reckoned. Duct tape – check. Black plastic rubbish bags – check. Such a break-in oughta be believeable – after all; we do live in South Auckland! I had the vision. My heart was in. Eden's too. Now the mission! Ten minutes later Sam's car was looking pretty. For him - not so much. All's that's left is to come up with a not-too-tall tale.

That was cooked up while Eden prepared our evening meal. Sam texting at this time to remind me to collect him fell nicely into helping set up a plausible scenario:

17:03 Tx for coming to get me :) I'll see you about 7pm or shortly thereafter. Will txt soon as the plane lands.

17:19 Ok tx. Bit of a rough night here Sam. We ok dont worry. Tell you rest when see you. Cheers

17:20 Do you need me to try and get someone else to come down and get me?

17:23 Nah all good for that. Really. Tx though.

17:24 Ok, see you soon then. Hope it isn't too bad...

17:29 Minor stuff insurance should cover. You'll see...

17:31 You can bring my car if needed. Boarding now, so phone off.

17:33 Alright. Happy flight!

Later, our dinner away, Eden set two tired tots in cots while I cranked the Corolla to motor off. Inbound I saw a likely Friendship fly over and land. Yes, Sam soon texted that the flight was early and he was already out as he had only packed carry-on. I remembered to stop and wind down the rear left window fully so Sam would not feel unbroken window glass under the plastic if he felt the need for a cursory inspection. Fortuitously it happened there was no free space to park in when I came along the pickup lane. He climbed straight in as I made a quick stop-on-the-hop. As Sam's now frowned head turned for a quick squiz at my recent handiwork I set to spinning my yarn. First a quick apology for not calling earlier in the day to mention the damage done to his vehicle. Hadn't wanted to spoil his weekend at the conference with his girlfriend, or have him tell my parents or sister and set them to worrying when we ourselves were totally unharmed blah blah...new next door neighbours throwing a drinking party last night...asked them to turn it down at 1am...they must have got peeved and after I fell asleep...clambered over the wall to damage both cars...mine not drivable so was gonna bring his even before he suggested it...found them left wide open in the morning...his boot open with contents strewn about...I put it all back in so he'd be able to check for anything missing...

At this Sam groaned "oh no, my laptop is gone!” I hadn't imagined that possibility “Bingo!” I exclaimed to myself in silent glee whilst trying to hide a huge face smirk. He was focused on the road ahead and his stolen laptop so never noticed my joy at his jam. From there he proceeded to take over the story. He had insurance but it wouldn't cover the whole replacement cost...it was in a green/black laptop case – had I seen it? I hadn't actually so didn't have to lie convincingly on that question. Anyway this was working out tops! Sam carried on...shouldn't have left it there but had noticed that thieves never checked carboots when smashing and grabbing cars parked overnight on the street...should have asked to leave it in our house but had thought that hardly safer? “Yeah”, I said “too bad, I coulda locked it away where we stick our laptop when we're out.” Then he made to reach for his phone and I thought I'd need to fess up the gig if he was about to call his insurance company. Thankfully he stopped as he noticed the faceplate missing from his car stereo...why would they take that? Like I said; reckon they were mad as and just out to teach me a lesson I replied. Nice touch removing that Andrew :) “What else did they take?” Sam wondered aloud opening the glovebox. “Took my First-Aid kit too!” “Think I saw some of that on the back seat” I helped out. Yes, there it was, lying burglarized exactly as I'd left it. More precious comments about that. Ok, Manurewa off-ramp. So anyway how was the weekend and conference Sam? Talked about that some and soon we were pulling up beside my house.

Thankfully Eden had not come out to greet us. She didn't want to screw up the joke if it was still running – which she easily would given she cannot do merciless. I popped the boot and Sam stretched out to go check. Sure was glad I'd made the effort to remove Sam's wetsuit and suitcase as part of the prep. “Drat” he sighed, saying his lappy had been inside the suitcase. Oh well what to do?

“Before we go inside I want to see if a couple things I found by your car that I put in our garden shed are yours” I told Sam. “Ok” he said, “I wonder if they left prints anywhere; like on the shed? Might get prints off that tin wall?” “Dunno, but check this stuff out anyway”. And there it all was. All his unmissing stuff. “Joke's on you mate” said I. Well he got that. But not the way I thought he would. He thought I'd just pulled his leg by hiding the suitcase and car stereo face. Sam still believed the broken window was legit :) Classic when it dawned on him that the whole story, including the window, was a fake.

And so it was that a much relieved nephew stayed on to chat heartily over a meal of steak, eggs, and toast. By the time he left a three-quarter hour later I had the peace of knowing my severely soft-hearted wife would sleep soundly feeling zero remorse for our heartless prank. Sam had spent much of the time cheerfully reciting to us new stories of woe inflicted on his friends.

Sam - one of my many favourite nephews!