Feeding on the Word of God

As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious. (1 Pet.2:2-3)

"Bloom where you're planted."

God has planted us in the best soil that we may grow as He desires us to grow. He has the beautiful end result in mind and he gently plants and prunes and waters to bring about the result he's fashioned us for. The environment, the climate, the nutrients in the soil. He knows our deficiencies. He alone knows what His creature is capable of and gently coaxes us towards that end. All by Him. All for His glory. He desires His gloriousness to shine through every facet of us in all it's radiance.

I'm starting to catch glimpses of a bigger picture, seeing how my life, my husband, my child, my circumstances, my surroundings, my joys, my longings can all help to shape and sharpen and mold me in the character and person that God has designed for His child to be. He knows what delights me most. He knows the things that are hardest for me. He gives me tastes of his greatest wonders and he lets my heart ache so that I'll be strengthened by grace.

Seeing only with eyes of flesh I may contentedly bask in the sun but grumble at the flavor of the rain.
But God is the master craftsmen. God is the Potter. He designed the perfect life to fit me into that I might flourish in the gifts he's given me. Also the perfect environment to train, shape, purify and purge away sin. He delights in me. Each circumstance I can accept as an opportunity for God to disciple and mold me.

In the last weeks and months I've found myself more and more deeply discouraged by my insecurities, my criticalness, and my short-comings. I resent the circumstances that draw these ugly things out into the light. I would much rather be seen as an angel and never know my sin or have others see and be hurt by it. God has been showing me that these circumstances are gifts from his loving hand to bring Light to each and every place of my heart so that it is made pleasing and beautiful to Him. Seeing there is purpose in each situation brightens my spirit and gives me strength and hope to accept all that God places in Andrew's and my life from His hand. The hand of the Lord in whom we can trust with every fiber of our being.

"For you, Lord, have made me glad

 through Your work; 

I will triumph in the works of Your 

hands."

Ps 92:4

                                    A child is born in Bethlehem!

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!!!

A couple days ago I was out for a stroll with Zeke and walked past a home. In the center of a very green yard and some pretty rose bushes sat a tree decorated for Christmas. It made me smile. I thought of taking a picture and making a New Zealand Christmas card. Rather than snow, icicles and candles in the window. The reds and greens of Christmas came from the fresh grass and the glow of a blazing sun. I also smiled when I found a New Zealand childrens' book with Santa in shorts and a T-shirt. :)

This year as I think of Christ's coming and the message of hope he embodied, I thank God for being so personal...coming to us in human form as a helpless babe. He cried and crawled and walked and talked "in our shoes."

The evening before last, I started reading through the book of John. In chapter two Jesus does his first miracle. Sometimes I've wondered why his first miracle was something so bizarre and seemingly trivial. Providing enough wine at a wedding. Aren't there worse things in the world than running out of wine at a wedding? As I was reading the story I noticed some things I've never seen before and it filled me with great excitement to see the gospel enfold through this beautiful passage.

Jesus had the servants fill jars with water. The same jars that were used for ceremonial cleansing. Then he turns the water to wine. The water needed for cleansing in order to keep the law is replaced with the blood of Christ. Wine represents Christ's blood as in the Lord's supper. Law is usurped by grace. The servants bring the wine to the master of the banquet and he is satisfied. God, is satisfied with the substitute Lamb of God. The servants see the miracle and Christ's disciples see "the glory of God" revealed and place their faith in him. Once again Christ gives front row seats to the babes and the servants in the crowd. Thank you Lord! "Wine gladdens the heart of man." Christ brings hope and joy when it looked as if it had run out. Sometimes I look around and struggle to see the light and the hope but the wine of his presence has not run out. In fact the water turned to wine is "as if he saved the very best for last."

Hearing the gospel with fresh ears makes me want to jump in and be a part of the story he's begun. With a new year comes fresh hope and vigor to follow after Christ.

Andrew's work with Prison Care Ministries is going well. He continues to meet guys and spend hours with them on a day to day basis. Christmas can be a lonely and sad time of year for a man just out of prison who is without family and friends. Please cry out to God that he would powerfully work in the lives of these men and draw them close to Himself.

Lets storm the gates of heaven together with our prayers and praises this Christmas! :)

Much love to you both near and especially far! I miss you and think of you often in these sentimental special days of celebrating our Lord's love. My heart holds you close!

Cookin..

Cast on the heat
Tenderly spitting meat
Cracking up, egging on
Sunny side up shone
Oiling our appetite
Feeds a healthy fight
Over pan-fried fishes
And wiping the dishes.

So who caught the catch
In this best match?

Mine to spread a toast
Butter her up boast
Sheden sizzles hot
I sure lucked the pot.

Woman's Plight

Every other day...
The sun shouts hosanna and the flowers dance to the melody of the wind.
Praises slide from my tongue like rain from a roof.
My husband is clad in steel armor covering a heart of gold.
The bible opens with life pouring out of it- i cup my hands and drink it in.
My heart is full with ambition, vision and purpose.
I see my life in full color and beauty, perfectly cropped and framed.
I feel loved and adored and I'm the happiest girl in the world.
But that day is tomorrow.

Today...
I dig for flower bulbs and find worms.
The sun hides from the earth and the trees cower in the rain.
I hang the laundry out and it pours.
I say "I'm sorry" in place of "I love you."
A smile hurts and "thank you" sounds empty.
The bible opens and tears blur the words.
My heart is still full but needs a decluttering.

So Lord, fill up the "thank you's" and heal the smiles. Erase the reasons for the sorry and multiply the "I love you's!" Its alright if the laundry gets showered but let the sun smile afterwards. Give sight to my blind eyes to see and believe. Touch my deaf ears so they might hear and understand. Purify and soften my heart that it may be touched by the things you are touched by. Let me feel the things that you feel and see the fullness that you see. The lessons and the cares of today are different then yesterday and tomorrow but let me thrive and learn from both. Thanks. Lala Salama.
 your Eden

What is love?

Andrew wheel-standing at Raglan Beach

There's a fire and there's a passion. 

But what is love when the embers die down?

Love is talking. 

Love is a smile. 

Love is someone being there. 

Love is doing ordinary things together. 

Love looks with seeing eyes. 

Love is pausing. 

Love is continuing. 

Love is being kind again today. 

Love is laughing or letting go because...

 the person over-rides the annoyance. 

Love is asking. 

Love looks after and takes care of. 

Love grows. 

Love keeps on loving. 

Love doesn't stop believing. 

Love mends. 

Love speaks. 

Love is powerful. 

Love waits. 

Love is quiet and love is loud. 

Love screams and whispers. 

Love is masculine and feminine. 

Love is Andrew and love is Eden. 

Love is God. 

And He has created us in His image. 

Love grows. 

Love keeps on pouring.

Love relights the fire.

He multiplies Himself in us.

June, 2010
Queenstown, South Island

Bridal Veil Falls

God, your heart is so generous. (Reading in Luke...)Too big to shut people out on Sundays. Too big to close your eyes to people when you want some alone time with your Father. (Listening to 'Revive our Hearts')You say "Come and be with me forever." "I'm preparing a place for you." No tiring of me. No down time. No shutting me out but always welcoming me in. Always open arms. Jesus, I would have been a nagging one in the crowd, following, begging, nagging for more attention and more answers. My faith is slow and small but I'd persist and you wouldn't turn me away cause you didn't turn away the children and you didn't turn down the persistent widow, you didn't ignore the blind beggar. Your love never fails.

Christmas in New Zealand

I'm still waiting for it to hit me that Christmas is just around the corner. I see on Facebook from US friends that Christmas lights are being put out, Christmas music's on the radio, and the sweet virus of special memories and family cheer is spreading rapidly.

 It's December 6th and the weather is hot and humid here with occasional fitful showers. It's hard to picture sipping hot chocolate and warming fingers after a vicious snow ball fight. Sharing stories around a lit tree in the evening with soft Christmas music playing looses its magical romance when the sun's peering in to be a part of it. The sun keeps houses lit nearly til bedtime these days.

Maybe if I wait for the Christmas's I've known to arrive it will never come, but if I look around I see many joyous wonders to thank God for surrounding this special time of year when the world joins in celebrating our Savior's glorious appearance on earth as a wee babe.

With summer/Christmas holidays letting loose in New Zealand, Kate was off school and Olivia has graduated. Yesterday before lunch the two of them walked up with a couple games and a homemade slice of cheese cake for me. :) We ate lunch together out on the trampoline. When the sun was blazing we woke Zeke up and walked down the farm for a swim in Mum and Dad's pool. Zeke played on the lounge floor, Mum keeping an eye on him, while the gals and I had a wonderfully refreshing afternoon swim. Jack arrived back from school on his bike and joined us for some afternoon tea and Mum's famous queen cakes.

Around Mum and Dad's table with Zeke sitting on my knee and Olivia, Kate and Jack keeping everyone in stitches with impersonations of Mr. Bean, I felt very blessed and very much in a Christmas spirit.

No snow ball fights going on around this house this season but I did get playfully tossed out in the rain yesterday evening by my husband during a violent downpour.

I didn't pile on the couch with siblings and little nieces and nephews to watch Elf or ride downtown as Papa pointed out Streets and Houses dressed for Christmas but...the New Zealand skyline was clothed in splendor as the sun bid us ado. At nearly nine o'clock Zeke slept soundly as Andrew and I went out to enjoy the Light show and drink in the fresh, clear spring air just after the rain.

...from a couple nights earlier.

Sunset pics with Zeke...

Thank you Lord for spoiling me with people to love both near and far! Thank you for taking the time to create beautiful rain showers and sunsets, hot summer days and cool clear water, beautiful farms and dancing hillsides. Most of all, thank you for coming to earth to save and restore what is good and beautiful and to rescue and defeat what is evil and sinful. Teach my heart contentment that my spirit may bathe in your joy day by day.

Giving Thanks for God's Faithfulness

Kia Ora! Welcome to my first post on my wife's fabulous blog that she's invited me to be a part of. With special greetings to my family in Maryland and the Eastern USA here goes then...

Today isn't thanksgiving here in NZ, but it is in our home because my wife is American. So I'm setting to write to God's glory a Thanksgiving story of His blessing me most wonderfully. Other suitable occasions such as the announcement of our pregnancy about a year ago, Zeke's birth in June, or my 45^th birthday just last week have come and gone with this story in my mind wanting to be aired. I'm no longer willing to let other things distract me from testifying to the power of God in my life.

Just over four years ago (Sept 2007) after breaking off a relationship with a good Christian woman I'd met a year earlier, I wasn't in such a cheerful state. The previous few months had seen me come under the growing conviction that my Lord wanted me to focus on following up harder the opportunity currently before me of serving Him in Uganda. My girlfriend, a divorcee a tad older than me, had commitments in NZ which meant she would not be free to leave NZ for at least a few years yet. Advice from various good friends differed but the majority thought I ought to commit to pursuing a good marriage and then let the Lord work out how and when He would take us to an overseas mission field somewhere down the line.

I appreciated the care and sense in their words but despite that never felt at peace with that approach. I needed to hear from the Lord more clearly. So I'd been on my knees a lot praying hard and honestly to Him while during the same time working through a daily 12-week study course on biblical spiritual guidance. By the time I was ¾ of the way through God had revealed to me that He wanted me to forsake the relationship and prepare myself for His call to work in Uganda. It wasn't an easy break but a decision really was needed as it wasn't emotionally healthy me keeping us in limbo any longer. So we parted ways wishing the best for each other despite the pain of sadness.

As for the future my mind knew God, being God, could bring His woman for me to me in Uganda from anywhere in the world but my heart was struggling to believe due to my heading towards possible permanent bachelorhood in the likely romantic desert of Africa. But one day, while shuffling along in steeling my resolve to cope with whatever obedience to God would mean for my future, I spied something not seen for many years.

I was visiting my parents and saw Mum had found an old book of mine so she'd put it out in the hallway for me to collect when I next came by. Having never read the book I decided I would as it'd be a good distraction for my mind at this time. 'Where Flies Don't Land' by Jerry Graham turned out to be an excellent tale recounting how his wayward life of trouble with drug addiction was used by God to bring him to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ resulting in a new life filled with hope and purpose.

The book was a Christmas gift from Dad & Mum to me when I was 13yrs old and about to start high school. At the time it was such a disappointing present and not because I didn't love books. I did! No, Dad didn't do the Christmas shopping and we had a good open talking relationship so I knew this was Mum's idea, her way of warning me about how I would wreck my life if I was a foolish boy. I felt like Mum really didn't know my heart. Just give him a bad news/good news book to scare him off bad behaviour. I had no interest in drugs or trying to hang with the 'cool' crowd if that's what they did. A couple of incidents on my way through primary school should have convinced Mum I'd stand for my beliefs whatever the odds. So I read the blurb on the back but had never opened the cover.

I enjoyed reading Jerrys' story over the next few days and really felt for the guy as I've not been in his shoes but I'd managed to expertly fill my own with too much heartbreak. Anyway God did a job on his heart and he starts getting his life together at age 40 after a total of 15yrs locked up. Despite his immediate past he finds to his amazement he is loved by a beautiful godly young woman half his age. They marry and God blesses them with a son. The God of 'too much'! And that's exactly when my heavenly Father spoke into my spirit. His Holy Spirit whispered “Andrew, that will be you!” I heard this whisper clearly, it was not audible but I knew it was God who had spoke to my spiritual ears. But then unbelief barged in wanting me to deny it, wanting to protect myself from a hope that might be dashed if I dared believe in it being possible. Yeah, perhaps it was just my own wishful thinking playing on the fact that I was right now a 40yr old man with a failed marriage in his past exactly like Jerry himself had been back then.

Suddenly desperate for the Word of God I headed for my bible thinking I'd read Proverbs chapter 20 as I didn't have a particular scripture in mind and it was the 20^th of the month so that was a good enough place to start. Only, as my hand reached out, I heard that same clear voice say in/to my spirit “read Psalm 20 instead”. So I did. There the Lord seemed to be saying He would grant me the desires of my heart, answer my prayers, that He regarded with favour my sacrifices - my refusing to take the short cuts that the world preaches as the answer to our otherwise good desires.

That was very meaningful and I thanked God for the new hope He was giving me. But over the next months when nothing had eventuated in the romantic relationship department I showed my impatience and lack of faith by becoming involved with another good woman, once again slightly older than me, that I met through common Christian circles overseas. We hit it off intellectually and spiritually and after some months the time came when we needed to meet in person to progress in knowing whether we'd have a future together or not.

I prayed some weeks over inviting her over and set a deadline for my decision which I shared with God. Only He was totally silent so at the deadline I decided to go for it anyway and she came on out to NZ. She had mission experience in Africa, wanted more and got on fabulously with me and everyone important to me. But to cut what could be a long story short I felt like I was pushing against a wall every time I considered commiting to her in any way above friendship. We had so much that made sense going for us that I kept on trying to make it work too long and hurt her by trying not to do just that. I was still fumbling the ball when I left for Uganda having confused myself into a bind with to much second-guessing myself. Anyway over there with time and space to think I learnt that my heart wasn't in it. I knew that before I met Eden, but meeting her absolutely confirmed it. But, having not trusted God to act on His word in His timing and not having a journal to reread in those days, I'd totally forgotten about God's word to me. But He hadn't :)

We have more stories of God actively working during what happened between Eden and I from when we met in October 2008 until we married nearly 2yrs later but I'll save them for another time. For now I'll leave you with the other incident that pertains exactly to the thankfulness I'm expressing today. It happened on Dec 10^th, 2009 when I'd been spending some morning hours with God thanking Him for my growing relationship with Eden and pondering what was to come, especially as I'd just booked flights back to Uganda via Maryland so I could spend two weeks with Eden and her family over the coming New Year holiday season before she returned to Stony Glen near Madison, Ohio for the final semester of her 'INSIGHT' course studies there. Anyway, while praying God had gotten serious and called me out by asking me to be really honest with Him about what personal hopes for the future I had as a man. I'd finally confessed to Him that yes I really did hope to be not just a husband but also a father to a child, and to be truthful; more than one and yes while I'm being vulnerable with my heart I might as well say I really do want a son. I even said it out loud. It was kind of a healing in some way.

That might sound weird to some of you, the prior reluctance to state plainly what I truly desired. But when a man has had his dreams for a happy family life crushed against his will once already it is hard and risky to dream again. Add to that more than a few years of hearing some well-intentioned members of my friends and family advising me not to be too picky, that I'd better accept that it was probably too late now to ever realise such dreams. That does wear one down some. But God had been showing me that He delights in His adopted sons, that we don't deserve His wonderful gifts doesn't change His love, it just proves it the more. So I was able to tell God my heart's desire knowing He was sovereign over all and that whatever He gave me, or not, would be the absolute best for me.

Anyway, the morning of the 10th I was about to follow my current reading plan by opening at Psalm 10 when I felt a very strong compulsion in my spirit to read Psalm 110 instead. I did, and not because I could remember it's contents. Sadly my scripture knowledge isn't that good.

The Lord says to my Lord:
"Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies
a footstool for your feet."
The Lord will extend your mighty sceptre from Zion;
you will rule in the midst of your enemies.
Your troops will be willing on your day of battle.
Arrayed in holy majesty,
from the womb of the dawn
you will receive the dew of your youth.
The Lord has sworn and will not change his mind...

The whole psalm is cool but I was drawn to vs.3 and towards praying that I would be the willing soldier on the day of battle (every day, but perhaps especially some ultimate day as Eden had emailed me about recently re: martyrs in Islamic lands).
Then I saw the phrase 'womb of the dawn' and recalled the chinese name interpretation Eden had once told me her name meant and how 'dawn' has come up in regard to her a couple other times. And I thought of Edens love of children and her spoken desire to bear them someday. Then I looked at the footnote in my bible for 'you will receive the dew of your youth' and the alternate translation is 'your young men will come to you like the dew'. And this just seconds after I had finally confessed to God that yes, I do want to have my own wife AND kids – especially a son/s.

One year later we're married 3.5mths and my wife's carrying a 9wk old baby. We hadn't been going to find out its gender until delivery but because so many were foretelling it would be a girl we decided to end the speculation as I knew in my heart it was a boy and was saying so (if asked). After all, every other detail had panned out as God had told me despite my interfering unbelief.

Our young man has come to us from the womb of my beautiful 'dawn' who, right now, is half my age just as my Heavenly Father spoke by His Spirit in 2007. My God has proven once again faithful to His word even when I'm not. All thanks and praise to you Abba Father the Lord God Most High from this “Man loved by God”.

My God is infinite and yet also personal. This is what baffles people about true Christianity. They can't believe it. Our natural minds can't conceive of God being both at the same time. But I know Him to be so through the testimonies of many people recorded in His infallible Word, the Holy Scriptures we know as the 'Bible'. I also know this to be true by experience. God is so all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present He can organise every detail of my life. Even down to getting my Mum to buy me a book I won't read until years later when He's arranged to use it to prepare me for His personal word of hope to His undeserving but much-loved Son. And this is just one story...

Thank you Abba for my amazing wee family and that Eden, Zeke & I are part of your wonderful worldwide family!



P.S.  God had the other two women mentioned happily married to good men better suited to them long before I was engaged. Also pretty cool how God has me now helping men with histories like that author Jerry with reintegrating into community life after prison. I sure didn't see that coming Lord. But I relish the work.)

God, my home address has changed....

 God has felt distant for quite some time, perhaps especially since June when precious Zeke arrived. I've felt an ache in the void. Under my breathe I whisper 'God I miss you.' I've wondered if sin is keeping me from him. I've wondered if I haven't been seeking him diligently. I feel discouraged and very jealous of those close with God. I started apologizing in prayer for every sin and short-coming I could think of. The chorus of petitions became almost constant throughout my quiet day. My heart felt beaten down, tired, lonely, discouraged and still distant.

Like a treasure hunt, I've been finding hints, one by one, of why my soul has found itself in such a state. One hint I found the other night as I was journaling and reflecting on God's and my relationship. I used to be very good at finding God in the quiet. I'd meet with him in the peaceful open field down past the park. I'd feel His presence in the still quiet night. I'd wait for the kiss and the embrace of my soul.

Life has changed in the last year and a half. I've become one with a man. We two became three. I'm rarely alone. My time is not my own. My head and my hands stay happily busy thinking of and tending to the needs and desires of my Man and my baby. I can get away and find quiet now and then but the people that fill my heart follow me there. The change is good and God has brought it about but I need to learn to find God in the noise. He hasn't lost me though I might not be skilled at finding him a midst a new back-drop. I recognized him in the quiet alone but now I need to know what He looks like in the midst of these new sights and sounds. It comforts my soul to know that He is still watching over me. He still delights in me. He is still near. He hasn't gone anywhere. I get distracted, He does not.

I praise God for the ache and the void because it causes me to savor and treasure the sweet fellowship of His wonderful presence. These days I'm reminded He is God as I play with Zeke on the floor and hear his sweet giggles.I feel His presence as I listen to the New Testament while preparing lunch. I feel his delight in me when Andrew comes home in the evening and embraces me. Thank you Lord!

"...I will never leave you, nor forsake you." "Behold I am with you always... "

Here, There and Everywhere....

I wish I could sketch out our visit to Maryland, it would truely be a beautiful painting to behold! I've deemed the endeavor near impossible....but, for fun, I might try my hand at just the first couple hours...

Our eyes eagerly scanned faces as our tired feet dragged us through the airport security sliding doors. Before even making it out the door I spotted baby Eden in Heidi's arms. The distance between us quickly evaporated as I rushed towards Heidi and Kendra. Randy, Naphtali and Niko were scrambling in and around the quad-stroller and little Christianna nestled peacefully in Kendra's arms. We soon heard that the rest of the family was stranded ten miles from the airport. The very last trip of our faithful 18-year-old Howard family Ford Van (although we tossed up ideas for years the van never received a proper name :). Kendra had come from her home in Baltimore and Heidi from the Carrozza's. We rode with Kendra while Heidi went to rescue the family. Seemed very surreal riding in the van with Kendra. My first time meeting three of the five little ones now residing in her loving heart. Baby Eden entered the family in January and little Niko and Christianna are foster babies that Jesse and Kendra hope to adopt. The road from the airport dragged on longer than usually as I sat perched in the back ready to spring out of my seat the moment the house came into view.

The van came to a stop. The kitchen door flew open. Loved ones swarmed the van. Andrew, in the front seat was first to be attacked. With six car-seats in front of me, I choose the back route out over the stroller and luggage. Andrew teasingly sought to detain the mob of sisters from getting to me. Finally, after the longest second of my life, I managed to get the back door open. My body followed my head out the door into a pile of Emily, Katrina, Kirstie, Jenny and Melody. Seth, Joseph, Joli and her brood of ducklings followed close behind. I've sometimes feared that I'll enthusiastically scoop up one of my beloved nieces or nephews only to have them squeal with fright as they look up at a stranger. Somehow, I think even the real little ones catch on quickly that all the commotion and excitement is over people that belong and we love very much. It also probably helps to have seven sisters that share many of the same features. :) Mama and Papa arrived shortly after we made it inside. Poor Zeke was exhausted from a grueling 30 hour trip. He soaked up all the attention and in moments his happy little charming self was back. Yummy plates were passed as freely as hugs and laughter. The room buzzed with a dozen happy voices and my heart felt as peaceful and delighted as a bright summers day. The clock spoke a late hour and I knew our bodies must be tired after two sleepless days but I somehow felt full of life and wished the night wouldn't come to a close for some time yet.

Flying and Things

My seven SPECTACULAR sisters and me! :)

Crossing between two worlds in just 30 hours. So richly surrounded by loved ones in both. Ever so normal and comfortable to be there. Feeling quite comfy and at home here now too.

It was a smooth flight back. Zeke slept soundly in his bassinet and a couple sleeping pills aided Andrew in getting some much needed rest. From my quiet spot I gazed out the window at a galaxy of stars. Fire flies asleep in the sky, just far enough away for the plane to sail through without disturbing. The beauty and quiet allowed my mind some sweet reflection as my thoughts sought to catch up with time zooming by transporting us from one continent to another.

I haven't touched my blog in over a month. It's been refreshing ignoring the computer. I've found my brain less cluttered and more able to really live in the now; soaking up the moments. A little over a month ago I happened upon flights that matched the figure in our prayer book so we jumped at the chance to fly for a month to Maryland. September 27-October 25. I'd been feeling rather dry and empty for a while and I prayed that this vacation would refresh my relationship with Abba and revive my spirit. What a gift it is to have sisters and a family that know and love you deeply and are so filled up with Christ that just being around them ministers to your soul. When we landed in Maryland I thought I'd never be able to leave. I laughed so much and found such sweet connection with those I learned to talk and walk and laugh and cry amidst.
However I found that I've grown accustomed to the life, people, and my family in New Zealand. The bitterness of saying goodbye was mixed with a sweet anticipation of seeing each NZ family member and friend again and applying the new things I've learned to my life here in NZ. Sometimes it's painful for the heart to grow, taking in new people to love and cherish. But to not grow is to die. At moments in the past year when I've tried to seal off my heart and not open it to a new life in New Zealand I feel something inside me die. No, in Christ I will embrace life as he's gifted it to me with heart wide open and arms outstretched. As the plane neared the coast of Sydney and then New Zealand the sun began to rise and an excitement rose within me at the beauty and splendor of this country God's placed me in.

I woke up this morning, climbed into slippers and found my three Loves' sitting and socializing in the lounge. (GOD, Andrew and Zeke) It's a beautiful morning! :)

Photo Update for Zeke's far off friends and family

Our Zeke at just a couple weeks.
Wearing his Papa's booties 

Bath time!

This wee angel loves his sleep!

my two men

44 weeks pregnant. :)
or Zeke's 7wk b-day

Manly Junior at 8 weeks old!

Very hugable!!
and beginning to talk

favorite pose

growing out of bassinet

trying out sitting

thumb sucking

Eager to crawl...

but a wee bit scared

first time sitting in stroller for a family walk down the farm
13 wks

King of the bed....and slowly taking over the house ;) 

Fathers Day

Today is Fathers Day in NZ. I'd forgotten what with the previous night out cheering Waikato on towards winning the final of the NZ Rugby Championship Cup from Canterbury live at the Waikato Stadium in Hamilton. But they hadn't won and we'd trudged home, not shattered but a tad despondent all the same.

But this morning Eden put a smile on my dial when she called me to breakfast out of my uncharacteristic blue funk sleep-in. I stumbled sleepy-eyed out to a plate full of yummy bacon, cheese omelette, bagels & cream cheese and a steaming mug of chai masala tea followed by a sweet Fathers Day pronouncement and delectable kiss. Zeke looked happy too, having already changed his duds and dined. And that is a snapshot of how hard life with Eden can be.

So yes today is Fathers Day - it's Abbas' Day as is every day of my life living as his skillfully disciplined and wonderfully loved son. A son learning to be a Father :)

"I do!"

My anniversary gift for Andrew came with much collaboration and devoted artistic talent from a beautiful Maryland Elf; Kirstie Delight. After an anniversary toast I presented Andrew with a smoked wood marble plague holding our wedding vows overlaying two wedding photos. 

It's special to remember praying through, writing, then looking over our wedding vows together in the days preceding our wedding. I've thought about these vows so many times in the last year. The words I spoke in faith out on the dock the day of our wedding have taken on so much depth and new meaning in the last twelve months as my heart has become one with Andrew's. God's design is amazing. He's created us in his very image! The image of a relational triune God! What a mighty and faithful Lord we serve!

Andrew John Dickson, I am taking up a life beside you to be your wife and companion. To walk by faith in Christ as we seek to store up eternal treasure. Together creating a home with fertile ground for faith, hope and love to grow and nurture an environment of healing peace and true joy. I vow to work with you and pray with you, to comfort and care for you. God has entrusted me to you. I belong to you. I will never leave you but rather will learn to turn to you and be vulnerable before you. I will trust you with my whole heart and follow your leading. I will seek to encourage and support you as a helpmate and number one fan. I will battle on your behalf in prayer. I will respect and honor you with my words and with my actions, looking to your needs and desires as my own. I will trust you and rest in your love.


Eden Christine, today I take you to be my wife. As your head I vow from this moment forward that whatever I think, whatever emotions I feel, whatever spiritual, financial or physical situation we face, I will love, cherish, lead, provide for and protect you until our Lord returns or we are parted by death. Before Almighty God our Creator and Savior I declare myself responsible to lead you spiritually, always seeking to encourage and strengthen your faith hope and love in, and for, Jesus Christ our King. I will pursue your heart, treasure your friendship over any other, invite and give due consideration to your counsel, honour and esteem you above all people and watch over you in prayer. With God's help I will defend you against all odds and be emotionally and sexually faithful to you as I endeavour to love you beyond measure even as Christ loves us His church. 

It may seem cliche that faith, hope and love appear in both our vows. I smile as I think of the thread (or three fold strand:) weaved through our relationship. During our five month communication fast Andrew wrote a poem about the showers of May watering seeds of hope that would one day flower. Around that same time I find an entry in my own journal mirroring that concept. In October, the morning Andrew left me in Ohio to return back to New Zealand he placed in my hand three acorns, symbolizing seeds of faith, hope and love. Those seeds began to grow and bud in our relationship as our dating began, with God's light shining on us and his living water flowing through us.

• • 
    

    
    

First things first.

Tuesday morning I opened my eyes to a fully blooming bouquet of deep velvet roses and a bottle of sparkling red grape juice. After Andrew left for work I found an anniversary poem...

1st Things 1st.

Dangerous hook

Your first look

Emotions I throw ‘em

With the first poem.

On down the slide

First fatal piki ride.

Never could it fail

First tooting email.

Growing so vexed

Awaiting my first text.

In Perfects lands

First trip to Tanz.

You to enchant

Seeing first elephant.

Carib-breaking laughs

After first giraffes.

Mountainside farm surprise

First Kili sunrise.

Sliding rain from sky

First time at Namuai.

The kiss it went ‘poof’

First over the roof.

Head’s all a whirl

First hug of Elizagirl.

Saying nada about

Our first blowout.

Wrist swelling pallid

First told invalid.

Not too well planned

First phonecall to Maryland.

Rhyming quite swell

44-word first farewell.

Passionate to outlast

First five month fast.

Wordsmith hope power

First place to Superflower.

Dodged a ram down

First casing Libertytown.

Chewed over like toffee

Before Papas first coffee.

North to West Loveland

As Abba first planned.

GPS giving us fits

First time out of Pitts.

Winning, not lame

First live Steelers game.

Worth all the hype

First time we skype.

Family freeze the price

First time I skate ice.

A freezing van ride

Fighting first woody slide.

By my side you walked

First time you New Yorked.

Providentially paned lekker

Blue Jay, Cardinal & Woodpecker.

A dull as miss

For our first kiss.

Graduate with insight

Seeking first the Light!

Stoppie scarred hide

On first Howard bike-ride.

Me prophetically lucky

Miss milking Kentucky.

Holding onto my hand

First flight to New Zealand.

KTMing Kawhia tidal

First time viewing Bridal.

Ringing in the rest

First canoe glo-fest.

Believing was seeing

You first time skiing.

Bathe in the Morning Glory

Of our first night story.

All that’s come after

More firsts and laughter,

Yet that’s only the start

Our first year as one heart.

Another time I may tell

Us first-yearing the well,

Quenching our souls thirst

Abba He owns first!

;~pikipikipoet

23rd August, 2011.