Praying these days for one of our
recent ex-Prison Care Ministry guys who is troubled by depression.
He's only in his mid-late 20's...he's shared some of his life story with me over the months since he was released to our care. That gives me lot's of unresolved stuff possibilities I could speculate on as being specific causes of his affliction but here is certainly not the time or place for that.
I'm no expert in terms of the
scientific study of depression and its causes and cures from the
biochemistry angle, but I have certainly studied it's effects
subjectively from the inside. Not so much the acutely dehabilitating
version but the chronic longer term sort that I didn't even know I had
while it slowly ground me down from mild to fairly seriously depressed over
some tough years. That ain't much fun although I can say I've learnt useful humbling truth about myself as a result of reflecting on such periods of my
life.
It's my belief that neither science nor
personal insight can/will totally cure depression. Symptoms resulting
from out-of-whack biological chemistry can be treated with
anti-depressants and cognitive thinking practices involving using
positive thinking to replace negative thinking patterns can sure help
but they don't usually treat the root cause.
Knowing your own warning signs is
another useful tool. It's no longer hard to sense the black dog
creeping closer in time to do something about it once these are known
and then monitored. Eating right, getting a reasonable amount of
regular exercise, keeping to a regular and sufficient sleep pattern,
avoiding alcohol except in real moderation, fronting up and facing
your social world despite not wanting to...all are, of course, the
very things that people prone to depression find hard to keep up
and/or do when feeling blue. We neglect these at our peril.
Ultimately depression is a spiritual
malady resulting from living in a fallen world, a wonderful world yes
but still a world now groaning under the curse of it's Creator (see
Genesis chapter 3). We humans chose to let sin into the world with
all it's myriad consequences rather than trust God. A God who kept
His promise that we would die if we ate that fruit. As a son of Adam
by the flesh I will continue to too often react sinfully to those who
sin against me or those I care about. Depending on the combination of
one's weaknesses and idols, depression is one of the possible
sub-totals of our sinful reactions. It's a form of death and if not
remedied leads to actual final death. Death of relationships – me with
myself, me with God, me with my neighbour/s, even me with life on
earth and afterwards eternally.
The final cure will only come when this
current age is ended by the return of my King. This alone is my hope.
Depression will be done away with when Death itself (and death comes
in many forms affecting every aspect of our lives) is destroyed.
At times in the past I've done all the
recommended things – thought as positively as I can, kept up on
exercise, worked well at a job I liked, good eating and sleeping
habits, maintained good friendships as well as regular devotional
times and prayer, helped and served others worse off than me, done
activities I love (trailriding in beautiful places etc)...all good
and necessary things yet not enough...still found myself slipping
ever so slowly into the gloom... :(
Towards the end of 2005 I'd been
praying a week or so asking my Heavenly Father for His solution
because I was in such a time and my 'plan of attack' certainly wasn't
working. My mild blues weren't really getting worse but neither were
they fading away. I felt stuck.
God answered my prayers in a special
way through the following dream: My nephew Sam, then about 13yrs old,
and I walked along through a huge flat brown expanse devoid of any
green. Suddenly on the faraway horizon I noticed clouds of dust
appear. They started circling higher and higher as they inched closer
and closer. Standing still now I watched, with a growing sense of
dread, as a menacing grey form rose into view through the approaching storm swirl.
It grew and grew until I was able to make out the
top half of the fear-inducing shape of a giant dragon/dinosaur/lizard advancing
slowly but methodically towards us. It seemed in no particular hurry
but yet it headed straight in our direction. The sun was still high in
the sky and there was nowhere to run and/or nothing to hide in or
behind.
As the dragon thing continued moving closer it
also increased in size. It was not just coming nearer but actively growing larger too and I observed with very real dismay that it
was not made of flesh and blood but of heavy dull steel. Not plates
held together by nuts & bolts or welds but instead made entirely of
thousands upon thousands of interlocking chainlink that allowed it
complete fluidity of movement to freely express a very obvious
rage. Fight or flight? I quickly realised no man-made gun would stop
this beast; there being no brain or heart to kill. I was completely
exposed and without a single weapon at hand. So we stood still as it
towered far over us expanding like a six-storey building still adding
floors.
But then, instead of the immobilising
fear I expected, I heard my own voice calmly and confidently speak
this counsel to Sam “we must sing psalms and songs of praise to God or be destroyed. Praise is our only hope of defeating this monster.” So we did. Despite our
lack of tune and without an accompanying musical score we raised our
voices and sang faith out. Verses of various psalms and
hymns we knew. Vocaling forth the truth of God's goodness and
greatness. And then...
...still singing, we stood and watched
as the most wonderful thing happened. This terrifyingly huge and
powerful living monster machine began to look punch drunk. What had
mere moments earlier appeared totally indestructible now swayed
confused. Then slowly, as we continued lifting praise to our Creator,
link by link it began to crumble until eventually the interlocked
drive-chain like links cascaded down in torrents! Roaring and
thrashing it's frustration the metallic Dino-dragon beast fought hard
against it's reduction - but it could not prevail. It began to shrink
in size at the same time as it disintegrated into a million
pieces. Pieces soon obscured by a new cloud of dust.
The dust from it's collapse. Rising, like our spirits, to announce our salvation.
Immediately I awoke knowing God's
message to me. I'm not inclined to singing aloud but I knew this was
the direct answer to my recent petitions. And I tell you now that
turning my eyes by voice towards God to thank Him for His goodness to
me in Christ Jesus is now a mainstay weapon of war for me.
This is consistent with the experience
of the people of God as recorded in Holy Scripture and also that of
church history since Jesus Christ's ascension to Heaven. Only, due to
my own lack of insight combining with a natural disinclination to
singing aloud outside of church worship times, I didn't see this as
an essential discipline for me to be practicing. But through this
experience I've learnt that vocal praise times at home, whether alone
by myself or with Eden, are where God meets me and heals my soul in a
special way. I don't know how it works only that He blesses my spirit
as I exalt His holy name. Indeed, He lives in the praises of His
people!
Despite this lesson, and despite my
faithfulness in daily morning prayer and bible reading devotional
time, I still let myself get too 'busy' to spend regular time during
the week praising God through song. Busy where the devil knows I'm
less effective. If I continue stubbornly choosing that I find myself
once again in a spiritually dry flat featureless place...so it's my
prayer for myself and for you that we will know personally, and
often, the joy of declaring aloud praises to our Almighty God.
My young friend moved out to his own digs many weeks ago but we still keep in touch. He is struggling to live wisely life with no physical bars restricting him. He seems to still be pacing around going nowhere inside a mental, emotional and ultimately spiritual prison cell of his own making.
Please pray for me to listen/speak in the most helpful way as I seek to minister to his confused mix of hurt, grief and, at times, near hopelessness.
Join with me now asking Abba
Father that my friend would come to know Christ's love and
the spiritual life-empowering depression-slaying gratitude that flows
from a willing obedient heart brought to life by our gracious merciful God. All praise and glory to Him forever and ever. Amen.
By ;~pikipikipoet
