HAPPY ANNE.

Andrew John
Fat from feedin'
Too well on
A nne* of Eden.

Me, oh man
I was needin'
This God's plan
A nne of Eden.

Loving this oaf
She's been kneadin'
Our married loaf
A nne of Eden.

We came in
To parenthood speedin'
Twice within
A nne of Eden.

Home or about
God's Word readin'
All throughout
A nne of Eden.

Community
Garden weedin'
Over coffee or tea
A nne of Eden.

Our spiritual eyes
See God leadin'
Proof He's wise
A nne of Eden.

One thing sure
I been heedin'
Wisdom pure
A nne of Eden.

* "nne" is the Swahili word for four. It is pronounced "in-nay".

My Very Own PR* Person

Yep. Join with my joy in celebrating having my very own Permanent Resident gal as from yesterday afternoon!
Yesterday Eden received an unexpected visitor, mr courier man, returning her passport safely from NZ Immigration's office in Manukau City where it had been living since December last year. Included within was a permanent resident visa stuck snuggley to an inside page. Woohoo!
Now we have no worries about the mother of my children gaining re-entry upon returning from where-so-ever the Lord may take us outside of NZ in His service.
After we married in 2010 this was one of the key things we hoped to achieve as quickly as possible in view of our ongoing interest in serving in some kind of overseas mission role. Praise God it's gone about as quickly as is possible. Given the other things that still need to line up in regard to future mission work Eden's PR visa wasn't holding us back or causing any kind of concern. Still; super to have it in the bag. Thank You Abba!

*I must confess that the PR headline is a tad misleading given it usually stands for "public relations". Truth is that my public standing has never been better since my wife has been around to smooth the relational waters I stir up. Her wise counsel quickly calms many of Andrew's internal storms if he will but stop rowing around in circles and listen :)

Shine on me.

You are like the sun - full of radiant light. We are like the moon - reflecting your glory in a darkened world. Make us shine ever brighter that all may see and know your beauty and holiness and mercy and goodness and grace and truth and healing and love!

Isaiah 30:26

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted."

Happy 25th Birthday Eden!

Twenty + Five.

Year to thrive

Twenty plus Five

Five n Twenty

Year of plenty

In God jive!

Yeah! To strive,

Feeling alive.

Stayin’ dent free

“Oh Yes” went me

“Let God drive.”

;-pikipikipoet

Let it be!

After this I looked and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, "Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!" And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying "Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

Then one of the elders addressed me saying, "Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from were have they come?" I said to him, "Sir, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 

Therefore they are before the throne of 

God, 

and serve him day and night in his 

temple;

and he who sits on the throne will 

shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst

anymore;

the sun shall not strike them,

nor the scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne 

will be their shepherd,

and he will guide them to springs of 

living water,

and God will wipe away every tear from 

their eyes."

Mary Poppins- "Practically perfect in every way"?

Mary Poppins- "Practically perfect in every way"?

Over the holidays Mary Poppins did a lot of preaching to us. We borrowed a bunch of good movies from a friend. One of which was Mary Poppins! I watched portions of it with the kids probably 10-12 times. After hearing the songs over and over I got to thinking about the meaning and messages in this movie.

The husband is the controlling domineering man "I'm the ruler of my house.." The woman is outwardly the sweet supportive accommodating wife "Yes dear. Of course dear. Oh you're so right Goerge." While on the inside hoping to break free advocating "votes for woman!..." Mary Poppins comes in as a radical woman of sweetness and light. She obeys no one and changes the world making it a brighter, magical and more pleasant place to be. Bert is the domesticated man hanging on Mary Poppins every word. Mary Poppins is a well balanced healthy woman. The household is dumbfounded and mesmerized by this spectacular woman.

The sales pitch is that if woman were top dog the world would be a more beautiful and happier place. Only now years down the track with woman voting and leading in all spheres the world hasn't really become a brighter more beautiful and happier place. The problem is woman have sin too and their sin only screams louder when they take the lead.

Many woman (men as well) have deep wounds because certain men in their lives have abused power or used authority wrongly.

Some woman are stuck leading when what they really long for is to be led by a good man who will care for and protect them.

I'm glad that woman are allowed to vote and that most of western society has adopted the biblical beliefs of a woman's value (Col 3:11).

However, sometimes I wonder if we haven't reversed the problem. I see domineering controlling woman demanding their rights and I wonder "where have all the good men gone?" Have we destroyed manhood by saying we don't need or want it? When manhood dies then the feminine and beautiful dies too.

This world craves and needs the beauty of true woman, the courage and grace and freedom and life. Not the seduction or deceit and bitterness. I don't think we even know what beauty is anymore. Paint scribbles are published as paintings and woman in rags are considered beautiful. It's not beauty, it's poverty. Immodesty driven not by lack of money but poverty of soul and vision, not knowing who we are as image bearers of the Almighty.

Abba, please teach us what it means to be a woman and a man as you perfectly and beautifully designed us to be. We are endowed with honor and dignity because we are made in your image!

Homesick

Abba, The promises you give to Abraham and to the Prophets in the Old Testament are glorious! But when the Israelites enter the promise land it doesn't seem to measure up - there's still oppression and sickness and pain and disease. They wait for Christ whom they thought would be a conquering King. He came and went. In many ways His coming far exceeded there greatest hopes and imaginations and yet here we are - we still wait.
When are you coming back? When are You making all things new? When will the groaning stop? You declared it finished at the cross but please tell me there's more to come. Don't leave us struggling in sin and sickness. You say you are with us always and I know You are with me and sustaining me but I live in a world that is not run as Your kingdom should be run. I live in a graveyard; a dump of our own making. We can't do anything about it - only You can. Only in Your strength. Only by Your grace. Go all out. Let Your mercies overflow. I don't just want a miracle. I don't just want an answered prayer. I want You in all Your love and glory. And because of Christ I won't be destroyed.
Would you light a revival in Manurewa to bring sinners into your fold. Work in the police department...Work powerfully on earth to save sinners by your blood so that You might come back and take us home to Yourself. I'm homesick Yahweh. I don't know what home is like. I don't know when You will come but I know my home is in You. I will be restless until I'm in Your house. While I'm on earth let my heart abide in You.

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, 

nor the heart of man imagined, 

what God has prepared for those who love him"-

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything even the depths of God. 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Blessings so Abundant!

I'm thankful for so many things. I love the relationships that fill my life. I love the fellowship I'm getting to partake of week to week through phone, email and face-to-face. I love the opportunities to grow in ministry and prayer. I love my schedule with park, pool and library with the kids. I love the things I'm learning through studies at Grace College and the people praying for me. I love God's Word, my journal, worship and times of prayer. I love that God's looking in on Andrew's and my prayer journal and answering them in the best way for us and Him. I love how God's crafting our family. I love watching Him do His work. Watching the kids temperaments and personalities unfold. Seeing Andrew rise to the occasion and grow in the manhood God's called him to. I love walking into the footsteps God's placed before me and seeing where they lead. There are many dismal days, patience often flees the scene when Zeke and Tazara make mountains out of mole hills...but God still sits enthroned and He welcomes me to join Him in His glory. Thank you Abba!

Zeke's Baby Book Update

 Each day so many cute moments go by without me recording them. Zeke is so talkative these days...giving a running commentary on all the happenings. Tazara is following close behind and will soon have a vocabulary all her own. Here are a few of Zeke's rantings that I want to remember when he's grown and left baby talk behind.

When home with Maryland family last year I heard Kendra speak of grace to Randy so I decided to introduce the concept to Zeke. Now he readily pleas for "grace!" every time he gets close to the edge of being in trouble. Tazara is crying and I come to see what has happened. Zeke looks up with earnest eyes "Give me grace Mama. Give me grace! God gives grace to you, you give grace to me and I give grace to Tazara!" How can I resist?! "Okay Zeke I'll give you grace." I don't think he's quite got his head around how to dish it out himself but he's getting there.

Some months ago I pulled Zeke out of his crib, he was excited about his new discovery after some weeks of absence:  "Mama I found my belly button. It was hiding under my pants."

On a rainy day walking home from church the rain was bombarding us. From Zeke's mouth:  "I get my gun and shoot the rain."

Was telling Andrew about the bully at the play ground who pulled his hair and hurt Tazara. Waving an authoritative finger Zeke chimes in "I tell him 'No! Don't hurt my sister!”

We all got blood tested for celiac disease a while ago. Zeke was very upset about them putting a "hole in my arm."  The "hole" in his arm troubled him far more than the pain. Tears would come to his eyes as he explained the horror for days after of someone making a hole in his precious arm. When the plaster came off and he found that God had healed his arm there was much relief and jubilation for the little fellow.

I can see some positives for our kids growing up with two parents interested in and practicing counseling. I hear Andrew explain conflict and resolution to Zeke as the little guy sits there wide eyed and soaking it all in. I overhear Zeke talking to Tazara in her crib "Are you happy Zar?" Frequently Zeke tells me he's angry. I silently rejoice that he's learned to name and understand that emotion since its not one Andrew or I learnt to experience much. (I must admit I won't mind Zeke's angry episodes occurring a little less frequently.)
Zeke's recently made the switch from cot to bed. He was having a hard time with it. Andrew spent a long while talking it over with him, explaining the pains and necessity of change in our lives. When someone asked Zeke if he likes his new bed he thoughtfully replied "sometimes I do and sometimes I don't." Andrew and I rejoice at Zeke and Tazara's learning to express themselves and interact with their world. We seek to listen to them and validate their emotions and feelings even if it doesn't seem rational or in proportion to us. We try and help them to see their own hearts rather than blaming others and circumstances on their emotional responses and behavior. On the flip side, I often find it a real challenge to be consistent and not let their feelings and emotions hold too much sway over how the home is run. 

It's fun to see the differences between Zeke and Tazara. Tazara's become quite taken and opinionated about clothes. She brings me her favorites throughout the day and at times has refused to take off her favorite purple jacket even when it's hot outside. She tugs on the pink clothes from my closet and wants me to wear the colorful girly ones. She's started traipsing around in my shoes too. Hats hold an endless fascination for her. As a result of being Zeke's little sister she's been indoctrinated with many manly stories of guns and animals, tractors and trucks, but Tazara is still seeming to find her way as a little lady.

Mother's May Day

Don't panic. Not a real "May Day" call although Eden did squeal a couple times on her Mother's Day Magic Sleigh ride.

We popped down to my folk's farm an hour south of Auckland after lunch on Mother's Day. It was unplanned on our part but apparently well planned by another. On the walk home from church I was thinking about giving Mum a MD call when Zeke, who I was carrying, said "We are going to the farm today Baba!" Our towhead often mentions the farm and asks about when we might go next but he has never before stated that we ARE going like that. It seemed quite odd. What was not unusual was the Authoritarian in me immediately starting to counter him because I don't want a 2yr old dictating my life! Fortunately before opening my maw I reconsidered - hmm, it would be fun to both surprise Mum and get out of town because it's a stunner of a sunny day after all the recent rain. Also, Zeke has graduated from his cot to a real bed so we don't have a guest bed anymore. I could grab another bed from our container on the farm and bring it home on the car roof given the slim chance of rainfall. Eden was all for it so, after a quick bite, we were off...

An hour later we pulled into the farm homestead to see Mum on the phone "that'll be Helen (my 2nd sister) calling" I told Eden, which, we heard later, was indeed true. As our two amped up kids scooted to greet Dad, who was already outside by then, Mum appeared with a huge smile. "Oh this is lovely" she exclaimed, "on Friday I was thinking what would I like for Mother's Day and I thought "I'd really like Andrew & Eden to visit" so I prayed asking God for it - and here you all are!" Mum had left her desire in her Father's care. No contact with us to drop a hint, no manipulation of any kind required. The Holy Spirit moved a much loved little boy's heart to speak the Father's will into the day concerned. God is a good Father - even on Mother's Day - because He delights in them so much.

A great time enjoying each others company was had by all, the bed was strapped atop the car, and then I had an idea to make Eden's day more special. Long soft grass, our 4WD, a tow rope, an empty fertiliser bag, and viola!

We'll do it again sometime soon I hope. Only with a longer rope and much worse driving :)

P.S. Thanks to Jack for the camera work and to Dad for letting me trample all over your cows feed.

Sad News

I was feeling so much brighter since the last post I penned here but this morning I read an email that wasn't bright. My Aunt has found that her body is riddled with cancer. They don't know what kind yet. She has nine children, the youngest two still very dependent on her. God's the same loving and gracious and capable Father He was yesterday but we need Him more urgently today.

We're given a promise. Just a promise. He's kept every promise He's ever made so He'll keep this one too. In the meantime, death kills, pain hurts, sin steals, sorrow weeps...How long O Lord? It's a good promise. A promise of life. A promise of hope. Enough to keep us living and hoping a midst a dying and desperate world? Living in a war zone with the promise of peace. Come Prince of Peace. Come heal this land.

We get a taste of joy. We get a glimpse of peace. But then the tears wash away the smile and the rain closes up the flowers. We remember that we're living in a cursed world and we beg for Your finished work. Complete your redemption O God. Complete it in our hearts and lives and families and world. Don't be far off. Come close and near. Come our Healer and Saviour. Complete your perfect work. We need you.

Sunday Afternoon...Reflection time:

I think this is the most troubling time of year for me. Summers escaping but there's no Thanksgiving or Christmas within sight to get excited about. The days are short but the afternoons alone seem exceedingly long. My heart goes through a sort of jet lag each year as I try and make sense of the climate and month and country I'm living in.

Andrew and Tazara came down with colds this weekend I think because of the rather drastic hot to cold the rain brought on. I took Tazara out yesterday for an hour bike ride just before tea/dinner. It was delightful. I love singing and praying and fellowshipping with the King in the open air. There's so much to pray about. So much to learn about how to parent and be married and live life and glorify our creator. It's both exciting and daunting. Study and parenting and life can very quickly get me overwhelmed...when I'm talking to God about it I'm overcome by a peaceful and delightful feeling of His favor and nearness. I love it!

This week I got to see a beautiful full rainbow! It stretched brightly over our house, the college, the church and Andrew's office. I had to stay out in the rain just to enjoy it and glory in the wonder of God's promises to us. I happened to be studying Noah this week and both the judgement and grace of God shown through this magnificent story. This morning at Church preaching in Samuel 5 Peter said "When God raises his sword it is both for judgement and salvation!" He then showed how this is ultimately seen in the cross.

Here's a Psalm I've been feeding off lately:

PSALM 84
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
O Lord of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob!
Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favour and honour.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trust in you!

Beach Biking Babes

After a busy first term we spent a week at Waihi Beach recently staying in a cosy bach situated right on the ocean front. A wonderful time thoroughly enjoying the many different things we got up to with the kids, together and alone as individuals. Thought I'd post a few videos as a change from the usual stills.

Exam Week Peek.

But I lie. This is not a peek into our life during the last week of Term I at GTC. The thinking is that it's been a while since a post from either of us and perhaps some time before another thought out piece would be thought up. In the meantime here are a few pics from recent times inside the last couple weeks here...

Sunset at Weymouth (a recent bike riding path discovery). 

Ride over and racked ready to head home.

 I enjoyed a solo ~1hr ride around Wattle Downs when Eden & kids visited the farm.

Sunrise as viewed from our lounge window.

Same sunrise about 30min later from outside my office just down the hill.

O yeah! God is the Ultimate Artist alright.

Ok, it's time to get back into the books...I guess I'd better include one of the kids for their fan club before I do eh?

Zeke & Za down on the farm.

Family Bike Rides!

Grandipop you'd be proud of your great-grandson and our biking family. Your legacy shines on - all the way to New Zealand :)

A couple weeks ago Andrew won an auction on TradeMe for a good second-hand toddler bikeseat then fixed up his old Diamondback. The four of us can now all set out on bike rides together. We've managed this style of edenzadventure three times now.

First trip was to pick veggies at our community garden plot. We stopped for ice-cream cones on the route home and let the kids play around on McDonald's gymnasium.

Second trip was on a Sunday. With afternoon naps behind us and tea and biscuits in a backpack we headed uphill (all the way!!) to the Auckland Botanical Gardens where we listened to "Elvis in the Park". A thousand or so people were there enjoying the festivities and listening to a selection of different men impersonate Elvis. Even the current reigning world champ from England had turned up for the show! Thankfully we didn't have to worry about parking and we even left with the kids hearing still intact. The downhill ride home was bliss!

Third trip was this last Sunday. Summer is amiably giving way to the boisterous autumn weather. We rode a foot/cycle path around a portion of the (vast) Manukau Harbour bayline in the posher suburb of Wattle Downs just south of Manurewa. A trail Kirstie and I strollered the kids along a number of times. Tide was out and the wind danced busily round us. Zeke and Tazara pointed out every bird and dog as well as calling back and forth to each other a couple times. Tazara took up singing now and then when she wasn't crying from helmet-hate. She rides emotions just like her Mama :).

I'm so thankful for these delightful gulps of summer fun with my young family! I've put a request in for a couple more rays of summer sun before doors close and fireplaces are lit.

Eden as Judge, Jury and Executioner

"Judge not that ye be not judged. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Matt7:1-2

This verse serves as a sobering warning. I have often evaluated myself, others, and especially Andrew, in the following way. I look at them or something they're doing/have done and I think "Is this good or is this bad?" And then my thoughts either praise or condemn them accordingly. Recently my thinking pattern has changed to "This person is a sinner. This person is God's son/daughter. Is there grace enough to cover this sin/annoyance/offense?" Usually I laugh to myself as I say yes because the matter is so small and insignificant. Other times the answer is no in which case I need to ask God for the grace and probably talk to the person.

This might seem like a minor change in thought process but it's deeply rooted and has/is making a big difference for me. I feel a lot more free with greater peace and contentment. I'm less affected by the good and bad of those around me. I am more focused on the Cross and how myself and others are covered in the blood of the Lamb.

I find quite a lot of my thought patterns, feelings, and reactions, become diseased without me being aware of how off base they are. Once I see it I can repent and ask God to train me in the right way to respond, think, feel. Studying God's Word at Grace Theological College has been really good for helping me see how my own sin is contributing to the pains and hurts I struggle with.

I Corinthians 10:13 is so encouraging: "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide a way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it (some translations say 'so that you will be trained by it'."

For me this battle with being judgmental has been slow going and frustrating but I'm so excited that God is faithful to point out my pride and show me the way of humility. This sin doesn't have a hold on me like it used to!

Thank you God for healing and making new and allowing us to change by your power and goodness! Help us to love you with our thoughts, words and actions.

Another thing about people with judgmental tendencies - we often set a high standard for ourself and are either self-righteously happy/proud because we (think we) live up to this standard or we are distraught that we've failed. Either way we're looking to our own effort and works to save us rather than Christ's righteousness which has covered both the good and the bad.

In Christ Alone.
Eden :)

Love and War

This is an angry rampage of mine back in 2009 when I was trying to get Andrew out of my head and heart.

I tried. I failed. God intervened. I succeeded (in giving him up). God gave him back to me :) We were married a year and a month after this was written.

I remember lying in the grass at Frederick Community College as Joli sat her course (we were carpooling for time together). My mind was getting more and more frustrated and confused as my thoughts went round and round so I pulled out my journal and started scribbling:

           22 July 09
O for the crime of love
guard your heart with all diligence
lest love stray in
listen to the wise words of people who say
'It's all fantasy'
Listen to the hurts, observe the pain
Take every thought captive
lest love wonder in
love a child, you'll be wrung
love a sister, you'll be hurt
love a parent, you'll be disappointed
but worst of all, agonies beyond measure
watch out for the love of a man
unknowingly armed for the worst attacks
The heart knows no crime as love.
The heart knows no joy as love
God is love
It cost him the life of his son
Would He say it's worth it?
To reconcile a people to Himself
a stiff-necked, disobedient, immoral, idolatrous people
His own special people, treasured, honored, loved, delighted in
Oh God, thank you for loving
and thank you for placing love in our hearts
May I love you heart, soul, mind and strength!

14-Two-14

For my one and only lovEdenjoyfullnessoul!

It's Valentine's Day

Come what may

May passed along

Her silent song

Spoke by Super Powers

Deep pressing showers

Drowned out weeds

Sprouted flower seeds

Up from the hush

Swinging Fall dance rush

Pass Steelers play

Sure made my day

Thrill chills of yore

Love landing more.

Emmanuel-broken fetter

So 14two14's better

Every dawn reveals

Always you I feels

Thinging along

Thing so right.

;-pikipikipoet

A Week in Pictures

We've been without a camera for about six months now. In the last couple weeks I've taken a few pictures of the kids on my phone. Between squabbles and fights these two have a lot of fun together. It seems they get the most fun out of mud, rain, water and playing in the car.

How do you say no when they're having so much fun?

Pretending to be grown-ups.

Snuggling in the rocking chair for a "show."

Who needs a kiddy pool when you've got a bucket?

Hiding from Grand-dad in his burrow of pillows.

Fun in the rain!

My crazy water baby.

Momentarily clean.

I got those stools in Karamoja thinking one day they'd make a cute toddler table. Now I've got two cute toddlers to perch on them. I'm afraid however that the stools aren't very considerate when it comes to balancing small uncoordinated people.

Hold on for your dear life Tazzy!

They could happily twiddle away hours on this swing.

I know it's not the greatest of photo's but I just love how happy they are and how Zeke is looking at Taz. :)

He's actively growing up but he still needs his Mama when the going gets tough.

A favorite pic from my phone...Kirstie's message for us....we found after she left.

A Quiet Heart

This morning Heidi and I were talking over Voxer. She shared an insight about how we tend to seek out the highs of life even from one cup of coffee(or tea) to the next. We got talking about ambitions and how we can seek to do great things but perhaps the hardest is when we're just plodding along doing daily "insignificant" life as unto the Lord. I've really grown to respect the woman/men in my life who don't have ambitious dreams to change the world, they fly(walk) under the radar as they faithfully and joyfully live in quietness and contentment from day to day. It reminds me of Mama's favorite hymn which she wrote as a prayer in the prayer books she made for each one of us.

Father, I know that all my life
Is portioned out for me,
The changes that are sure to come,
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a present mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.

I would not have a restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do,
Or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child,
And guided where I go.

I ask Thee for the daily strength,
To none that ask denied,
A mind to blend with outward life
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified.

In service which Thy will appoints,
There are no bonds for me;
My secret heart is taught the truth
That makes Thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love,
Is one of liberty.
(hymn by Anna Laetitia Waring)

One Year in Five Minutes.

I came across my five minute speech for when I graduated INSIGHT in May of 2010. It's as true now as it was then. Thank you God for your goodness!

      I came to Insight expecting to learn more of God and missions and cultures but I hadn't expected to learn so much of God's intimate love of me. Each time I told God I wanted to serve and love others I heard from Him "Eden, first you need to be loved by me. You still have fear. I desire to perfect you with my love. You still walk as a slave. I want to teach you what it means to be a daughter. You desire to comfort others, first let me comfort you." God has been drawing me close to His heart and loving me deeply through the body of Christ here at Insight and through His Word. He's been teaching me about fear. I've learned that the thing you fear consumes you. The thing you fear is all you can think about, nothing else matters - it becomes your all consuming passion. Abba desires to be this source of all our attention, our one consuming passion. Once He has all attention, His perfect love drives out our fear. First John says there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. He says, the one who fears has not yet been perfected by love. His love is powerful, it is personal, it is healing.
      In the last months this perfect love has freed me from fear, it's freeing me from anxiety, worry, and insecurity. It's released me to a joy I hadn't known. I want to share with you something really simple and really profound. I used to surrender my life to God and it was the scariest thing I could do. I'd get on my knees each evening and sign my name in the back of my Bible. It was like opening my life to the worst and scariest things I could imagine. But now, I surrender and it makes me want to laugh and sing and dance. Not because I know the road ahead, or I think it will be all paved and wonderful. But because I know God loves me and so I can trust Him.
      I don't know what I wanted for the nations, and the oppressed, and the hurting before now. But now, I look into the eyes of a person - I look into your eyes tonight - and my hearts cry is that you would know this love and that your joy may be full.

>500!

Here early this Saturday morning to ask our readers - meaning you! - to pray that God would see fit to bless me (Andrew) with at least 500hrs of face-to-face counselling time by the end of this year. The main reason we moved to Auckland a year ago was my needing 100hrs for my counselling degree's internship. Accepting the invitation to work here as a counsellor-in-training while completing my last papers seemed the way to go compared to staying where we were otherwise quite happy to be living.
I praise God that He saw fit to bless me with 135hrs by the close of 2013 - above and beyond that needed :) So the remaining minimum balance required, by the folk where God seems to be directing us to head towards from here on out, is 500 - 135 = 365hrs. Of course any amount over and above that would be very much appreciated. Also, please pray for more couples counselling, including some pre-marital counselling opportunities, to be coming down the pipeline soon. Thank you. May our good Father bless your endeavours too as we daily live, move, and breathe in Him!

Loving Life as a House Wife.

I'm trying to conjure up words to express how much I delight in Zeke and Tazara. I'm a slave to their every need and yet I so adore my place here. I breath a sigh of relief at 7pm bed time and 1pm nap time but I find myself looking forward to seeing their precious little faces again and exclaiming over them when they wake.

I can't believe God's entrusted these two little people to me. They change so much every day. I'm filled with so much wonder at what they will be like as they grow up? They are so rich with personality and humor and spunk. So much going on in such a small package.

I used to be intimidated by being a Mum. I still feel like a kid myself. There is so much I want to grow in and learn about. I would like to give my kids the gift of enjoying life with them and being teachable. I'd like them to help them see that there's always more to learn and grow if we keep our eyes open and our heart willing.

Its been a potty training week. I'll admit I was dreading it. Especially since Zeke strongly dislikes sitting on the toilet. It's not over yet but surprisingly it has had it's joys. I've enjoyed the cleared schedule and slow week at home to drop all and run a toddler to the toilet at 30minute intervals.

A couple of my favorite moments:

It was about 8:30 in the morning. I was waiting for Zeke to empty his tank and Tazara to have her nap so that I could jump in the shower. I stood in the doorway in sweats and T-shirt waiting for Zeke to do his business while egg dripped down my face from my greasy hair (a conditioning treatment I've been experimenting with). Zeke looked up at me sincerely from his lowly little perch "I love you Mama!" It melted my heart. He's probably the only one that would think of saying such a thing when I'm in such a state; not to mention his.

He's also taken to saying "Thank you Mama. I like this." for the humblest of meals and snacks I serve him - soup and veggies even! He's acquired a taste for green beans and zucchini in the last few weeks because he helped Andrew pick them and he's fascinated that they came from our garden. Good thing too considering the abundance!)

Another favorite, Tazara came running in from outside concerned to find her brothers whereabouts and yells out "Zeee?" Zeke at his station in the toilet calls out "Yeahh." She runs in to find him and lays a head on his shoulder. He puts an arm around her. They smile and hug and then she trots off. Oh the simple pleasures and friendships in a toddler world.

I have one more but I probably shouldn't share it because it's kind of...hmm...okay maybe I'll share and then perhaps delete....Here goes: Sometimes it's a struggle to get Zeke to sit on his potty. When he woke up one morning I knew he'd be sure to go so I insisted he sit on the toilet. He went on and on in a practiced whine:  "I not need to pee...I don't need to." When he finally got to sitting, it came out in an unending supply. Looking down he says politely annoyed "please stop...please stop." Ahh, so many opportunities to laugh!

As for his training this week? Well...

...he's hardly ever dropped the ball!

New Year's prayer.

Mama and I have started a tradition in the last few years of exchanging and talking over New Year's resolutions together around the start of a new calender. This year I'm off to a good start. Before the first days of 2014 I wrote out for myself a "to do" list, a prayer, a schedule and some goals. I know goals and schedules and inspirational planning doesn't do it for some people but for me they really get me excited and motivated. Also, I like to go back and see areas God's worked, I've grown or things that have gotten worse and I need to pray about and work towards.

Here's a prayer for the New Year. I wrote it back at the beginning of December during a low patch. It's become really meaningful as I see God working in specific areas of my life and changing me for His glory. It's rather personal but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one out there that's a sinner so I thought some others might relate and be able to benefit. I can't think of anything that thrills me more than having heart to hearts with friends and family and sharing ways we're growing and things God is teaching us. I would so love to hear from you and learn what's on your heart this year and meaningful insights God's been sharing with you. For now, Here tis:

 Abba, What would it mean for me to not judge? I'd have to be secure in you. I'd have to know my beauty in you. I'd have to know my place in you. I'd have to know I'm held and loved by you. I'd have to not fear all that is frightening. Let it be God. Grow bigger before my eyes. Replace my pride with humility. Replace my fear with perfect peace and contentment. Bathe me in your love and delight and beauty and holiness. Quickly God I need these changes. My sin is ugly and devastating; it erodes all that is good. Come quickly God and save me. Make me after thyself. This year God change me. I'm scared of so many things. I'm hurt by so many things. I avoid so many things. You are mighty and powerful and beautiful and holy, you are in me so I need not be afraid or insecure or threatened. Make me a fruitful deeply planted/grounded tree by the river of your house - soaking up all that is good. Left to myself I push away and destroy everything good you've given me. Please take me deeply into your heart where I can grow and flourish and be free and alive. Yes God do it. A new year is approaching - this is my wish and desire. Thank you Abba. Thank you so much!

Samwise Jam Glee

Finally, over three years later, payback heals an itch.

A couple weeks ago I'd been booked in to run a 7pm Auckland airport pickup earlier this evening by my ever-organizing-others nephew Sam. All good, we were happy to help him with his plans. It was good to see him last Wednesday over a cuppa when he left his car here before catching a ride down to the farm, and then a couple days later on to Palmerston North, with mum. She'd been here doing her weekly visit with her youngest grandkids; our Zeke & Tazara.

Sam has always been interesting to talk to since he first started conversing around twenty years ago so I was looking forward to whatever time I got with him. We might even get more if he stayed for the dinner Eden was planning to rustle up for him as, due to the timing of his flight from Palmy, we figured he'd not have had dinner. My nephews all possess fantastic appetites so chances were good he'd comply.

During our 3pm post-Sunday afternoon nap cuppa I had a sudden inspiration and mentioned to Eden how I wished I could turn up at the airport in Sam's car with a big fake dent in it. Yes she agreed, something like that would be fun given the pranks he pulls on both the wary and the un so. Of course this reminded us of the prank on us at my sister Helen's farm when Eden and I were yet only mere days engaged on her introductory trip to NZ in June 2010. Yeah, we ourselves have never personally made amends for that (despite the gallant efforts of others on our behalf - kudos to my sis-in-law Jenny for her efforts in Jan 2011 though) so be good to put this affair to rest.

Hmm, I could soon tape up a fake bust rear window I reckoned. Duct tape – check. Black plastic rubbish bags – check. Such a break-in oughta be believeable – after all; we do live in South Auckland! I had the vision. My heart was in. Eden's too. Now the mission! Ten minutes later Sam's car was looking pretty. For him - not so much. All's that's left is to come up with a not-too-tall tale.

That was cooked up while Eden prepared our evening meal. Sam texting at this time to remind me to collect him fell nicely into helping set up a plausible scenario:

17:03 Tx for coming to get me :) I'll see you about 7pm or shortly thereafter. Will txt soon as the plane lands.

17:19 Ok tx. Bit of a rough night here Sam. We ok dont worry. Tell you rest when see you. Cheers

17:20 Do you need me to try and get someone else to come down and get me?

17:23 Nah all good for that. Really. Tx though.

17:24 Ok, see you soon then. Hope it isn't too bad...

17:29 Minor stuff insurance should cover. You'll see...

17:31 You can bring my car if needed. Boarding now, so phone off.

17:33 Alright. Happy flight!

Later, our dinner away, Eden set two tired tots in cots while I cranked the Corolla to motor off. Inbound I saw a likely Friendship fly over and land. Yes, Sam soon texted that the flight was early and he was already out as he had only packed carry-on. I remembered to stop and wind down the rear left window fully so Sam would not feel unbroken window glass under the plastic if he felt the need for a cursory inspection. Fortuitously it happened there was no free space to park in when I came along the pickup lane. He climbed straight in as I made a quick stop-on-the-hop. As Sam's now frowned head turned for a quick squiz at my recent handiwork I set to spinning my yarn. First a quick apology for not calling earlier in the day to mention the damage done to his vehicle. Hadn't wanted to spoil his weekend at the conference with his girlfriend, or have him tell my parents or sister and set them to worrying when we ourselves were totally unharmed blah blah...new next door neighbours throwing a drinking party last night...asked them to turn it down at 1am...they must have got peeved and after I fell asleep...clambered over the wall to damage both cars...mine not drivable so was gonna bring his even before he suggested it...found them left wide open in the morning...his boot open with contents strewn about...I put it all back in so he'd be able to check for anything missing...

At this Sam groaned "oh no, my laptop is gone!” I hadn't imagined that possibility “Bingo!” I exclaimed to myself in silent glee whilst trying to hide a huge face smirk. He was focused on the road ahead and his stolen laptop so never noticed my joy at his jam. From there he proceeded to take over the story. He had insurance but it wouldn't cover the whole replacement cost...it was in a green/black laptop case – had I seen it? I hadn't actually so didn't have to lie convincingly on that question. Anyway this was working out tops! Sam carried on...shouldn't have left it there but had noticed that thieves never checked carboots when smashing and grabbing cars parked overnight on the street...should have asked to leave it in our house but had thought that hardly safer? “Yeah”, I said “too bad, I coulda locked it away where we stick our laptop when we're out.” Then he made to reach for his phone and I thought I'd need to fess up the gig if he was about to call his insurance company. Thankfully he stopped as he noticed the faceplate missing from his car stereo...why would they take that? Like I said; reckon they were mad as and just out to teach me a lesson I replied. Nice touch removing that Andrew :) “What else did they take?” Sam wondered aloud opening the glovebox. “Took my First-Aid kit too!” “Think I saw some of that on the back seat” I helped out. Yes, there it was, lying burglarized exactly as I'd left it. More precious comments about that. Ok, Manurewa off-ramp. So anyway how was the weekend and conference Sam? Talked about that some and soon we were pulling up beside my house.

Thankfully Eden had not come out to greet us. She didn't want to screw up the joke if it was still running – which she easily would given she cannot do merciless. I popped the boot and Sam stretched out to go check. Sure was glad I'd made the effort to remove Sam's wetsuit and suitcase as part of the prep. “Drat” he sighed, saying his lappy had been inside the suitcase. Oh well what to do?

“Before we go inside I want to see if a couple things I found by your car that I put in our garden shed are yours” I told Sam. “Ok” he said, “I wonder if they left prints anywhere; like on the shed? Might get prints off that tin wall?” “Dunno, but check this stuff out anyway”. And there it all was. All his unmissing stuff. “Joke's on you mate” said I. Well he got that. But not the way I thought he would. He thought I'd just pulled his leg by hiding the suitcase and car stereo face. Sam still believed the broken window was legit :) Classic when it dawned on him that the whole story, including the window, was a fake.

And so it was that a much relieved nephew stayed on to chat heartily over a meal of steak, eggs, and toast. By the time he left a three-quarter hour later I had the peace of knowing my severely soft-hearted wife would sleep soundly feeling zero remorse for our heartless prank. Sam had spent much of the time cheerfully reciting to us new stories of woe inflicted on his friends.

Sam - one of my many favourite nephews!

      

Miss American Pie

(With special thanks to Don Mclean)

A long long time ago

I can still remember How

'ard it was to make her smile

But I knew if I took the chance

That I could make my wife to dance

Sister come visit, Eden'd be happy for a while.

But still October made me quiver

With every paper I'd deliver

On the Grace College doorstep

I couldn't take any more prep

I remember that I cried

Hearing about my stranded Bride

But my going lightly got them all inside

The day Kirstie's visit flied

So...

Fly Fly Miss American Pie

Drove my Hondo to the pond oh but the pond was dry

Them good young gals drinking tap water oh my

Singing “wonder who'll be the lucky Kiwi guy?”

Did sisters write the book of love

And do you have faith in God above

Because Eden told you so?

Now that she believes her Kiwi-Roll

Can your visit save your sisterhood soul?..

Since 'twas me taught her how to dance real slow...

Well, you know that my love is all vain

Cause you saw Eden joyful in her pain

Yeah we'd both kicked off our shoes

To stream our Stony Glen kissed news

I now a happily married Kiwi buck

With two kids but no pickup truck

But I knew I was in for luck

The day Kirstie's visit flied

I started singing...

Hi Hi Miss American Pie

Drive my Hondo to the pond oh how our pond ain't dry

Them good young gals drinking my lattes on the sly

Singing “if he don't ask we won't need to lie...”

Now for ten days we've been on our own

Andrew grows fat gnawing a chicken bone

But that's not how it used to be

When Kirstie sang for the King and Queen

In a coat you borrowed from the Howard team

And a voice that came from you not me

Oh yeah while this King was looking down

You, sister, tried to steal my crown

My courtroom was adjourned

My verdicts were spurned

And while you sang like a lark

Your American quartet playing in the park

I hung nappies without a bark

The days of your visit multiplied!

And I was singing...

Why Why Miss American Pie

Drove my Honda to Waihi beach but the tide it was high

This good ole boy drinking coke on the sly

Singing “give me a break or I'll die...”

Oh, there we weren't at our Christmas place

Generations found in farming space

With no time left to start again

So come on John be nimble, John be slick

John be humble - oh I feel sick

Cause sisters are the 'hood's only friend

And as I write upon this page

My hands are clenched in fists of rage

No angel born in heaven

Can break your sisterhood leaven!

But as your plane climbed high in the Eve's night

My world it soon came back aright

I saw myself laughing with delight

The day your visit died

I was singing...

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Drive your Hondo to sisters pond oh too bad it's now dry

This good ole boy has bigger fish to fry

Singing “give 'em space yeah let 'em cry...”

But now my gal sings the blues

And I asked her what was the bad news

But she just shied and turned away

I went down to my prayer room

Where I'd first hummed up your visit tune

But the God-man said another visit wouldn't play

And in our street our children screamed

My Lovely cried, this Poet dreamed

But not a word was spoken

Christineden's belle was broken

And the three men I admire most

Me, Myself and I won't toast

Your catching a plane for the East Coast

The day Kirsties visit died

And now we're singing...

What she wrote...

Why Why Miss American Pie?

Drive our Hondo to our tear-pond oh our tear-pond ain't dry

Us good ole dears still sipping port on the sly

Singing "c'mon sister; a return flight here buy!"

;-pikipikipoet